I find Father’s ways fascinating. Yesterday, we did a post on one of my core values…my love of traveling. When writing it, I asked Father which picture He wanted me to use…He responded with the Mt. Rainier picture. I just followed along.
This morning, He reminded me of a conversation we had while I was in Washington…driving TO Mt. Rainier. He puts the puzzle pieces together so perfectly…every time. Crazy good! 😍
Our Conversation
As I was driving, I saw a vision and along with that vision, I heard…I want to introduce you to my son. In the vision was an older gentleman…a dad…fixing up his son…with me. He thought I would be good for his son. He believed we would be a good team…good for one another.
Scratching my head in confusion, I was looking at this and thinking to myself…I have already been introduced to your Son…Christ. Shaking my head at Him, I then dismissed it and moved on in my mind.
In the Meantime
I have been living in the Wilderness. Father brought me here. Haven’t been a fan. One aspect of living in the Wilderness is living with only the bare necessities. Homelessness. Living in the negative. Forced into poverty. A place of complete dependency on Him…for ALL needs. It is crazy what I have endured for Him.
While here, I have been moving from place to place…both in the natural realm and spiritually in the land of the heart and mind. Conquering territories…taking possession of the spiritual land He had given me title to. Facing and battling spiritual giants…demons…warring in the Spirit realm. Preparing for my long-awaited transition into my Promised Land.
I won’t miss the Wilderness. At all! I am totally aware more battles are coming but I have been promised the labor here…will make the battles there…easier.
An Eagle’s View
Living in a state of complete dependency on Him coupled with spiritual battles 24/7 has changed me. Significantly. We have cleared a lot of territories.
Recently, out of the blue, Father said,” We need nine weeks to cover it.”
Ok…what does that mean?
Cover what?
Where is the antecedent to the pronoun “it?” I did mention in a previous post here…He doesn’t follow man’s grammar rules. He makes the rules.
So evasive. So elusive. So mysterious.
He exasperates me. I prefer He makes it clear…Crystal clear. 😳
At the end of the nine weeks, I am still unsure as to what that refers to…however, I have some ideas now.
We have been rehashing my life in the Wilderness. Walking back over certain places from a much higher place. An eagle’s eye view. A general view of it all.
My Epiphany
During this time of review, I came to an astonishing conclusion. I have come to see Christ in a whole new light. From a whole new perspective.
In the past, I have mostly…not 100% but mostly dismissed His MANhood. I mostly focused on His deity…not SEEing the perfection of His flesh. Nor did I see His perfect flesh compared to the natural man’s flesh.
Astonishing difference. The difference is like comparing a counterfeit $100 bill to a real one. No value in the counterfeit. Not even worth the paper you just wasted printing it on. Just throw it in the fire and let that baby burn. No positive spiritual value in the flesh of man. None. 🤨
Hell
Not only did I reside in the Wilderness…I also lived in what I term Hell. Wretched place. The fire…excruciating. The burning…unimaginable. The pain…indescribable. Again…haven’t been a fan.
While in Hell, I got to see and experience the true nature of the selfish flesh of man. WOWSER! I was steeped in it. Saturated by it.
Imagine someone pouring human excrement on top of you and covering you in it. Burying you alive. You can’t get out of it. You are forced to live in it. That is a VERY TINY picture of it. The smell…the taste…the texture…the filth. It is ALL over you and IN you…all of your orifices are packed with it. SO unpleasant.
Another Epiphany
Without that experience…I wouldn’t KNOW experientially in my heart and mind…the true value and worth of Christ’s Manhood. He was truly a perfect natural MAN.
When I experientially understood this…I cried. All-day long. Couldn’t stop. Every time I would think about Him again…the tears of gratitude would pour out of me.
My heart was so touched it leaked out of my eyes. ❤️ 😭
The Wilderness experience was SO good for my heart. The ground I gained with Christ…priceless. Beyond value in this realm.
Personal Example
I have been used and abused by men. As a result, I built a wall around my heart to protect myself from the pain men seem to enjoy causing me. I built that wall at a very young age. I DID start hating my earthly father at the age of 10. A bit of that story, I shared here.
Years later, Father gave me a vision of the wall around my heart along with a beautiful shield leaning up against the wall. It was richly ornamented in rubies, diamonds, emeralds, etc.
While we were looking at that wall, He was saying how the wall needed to come down…be torn down. He couldn’t be my protector if I wouldn’t let Him in. The shield was for Him. Representing His protection.
Whew!! Heart palpitations!
I knew we had some major work ahead of us demolishing that wall. It was high and it was thick. Demolition did indeed begin. No swaying Him. Once His mind is made up…it is concrete. Rock hard. Rock-solid. He is THE rock. 😳
At times, this has been a battle. A fight between myself…and Father. 😕
The Battle
Years ago, I was angry with Him. I didn’t want to do…what He wanted me to do. My flesh was battling His Spirit. The flesh ALWAYS opposes His Spirit. I had yelled, screamed, cried, kicked…you know…threw my childish and immature temper tantrum trying to get Him to bow to me instead of me bowing to Him. Never works. Just stick an L on my forehead. LOSER! I have NEVER won a battle against Him in 30 years. Not one. Shows my foolishness in trying to fight Him. 🤦♀️
The mountain doesn’t budge.
He didn’t.
My Next Tactic
Shut Him out. I had decided I was done with Him. Done serving Him. Done working with people. He wasn’t taking down my wall. Not coming through the boundary I had built. I put up a large KEEP OUT sign for Him on my heart.
The next morning, a former friend of mine called me… early in the morning.
She gives me this account.
She was up early speaking with Father, and He wanted her to call me and tell me some things. One of those things was this…you have shut Father and others out. She proceeds to share His thoughts on that.
Oh, good grief.
I was exasperated with Him…thinking why can’t you just leave me alone… 🥺
Conversation Continued
In my frustration with Him, He gave me this vision.
I was in my bedroom. A huge grizzly bear came into my room after me…to devour me. To consume me. I was FREAKED out. Trying to escape from the bear, I ran out of the bedroom and into the hallway. On my left was a door to the outside. On my right was a door to the bathroom. Quickly, I opened the outside door thinking maybe the bear would go outside. I ran into the bathroom and shut the door. The bear came into the hallway, glanced outside…then charged into the bathroom after me. I was trapped inside with no way out.
This vision…sent my heart racing…full speed. Terrified of that bear devouring me. 😧
Father’s Explanation
He was the bear and He wanted to consume me…all of me…as the meat offering. He wanted to be intimate with me. He wanted to KNOW me intimately. All of me. He wanted to consume every delicious morsel of the woman I was. He wanted to know my womanhood.
In His need…desire to consume me…He was unrelenting in His pursuit of me. Relentless in His love, desire, need, want, and care for me. He was HUNGRY for me. Starving for me. His appetite for me was ferocious.
He was determined to have me. I was His and He wanted me. Wanted to have me as His own.
He wasn’t going to let me walk away from Him. He would take whatever measures were necessary to own my heart…all of it. Unhindered. Unencumbered. He wanted all my heart. No walls between my heart and His. No withholding from Him.
Wow… 😵💫
The Natural Man
In marriage to the natural man, I always wanted my husband to see my value and worth as Father sees my value and worth. To have my Father’s eyes. To have my Father’s heart…for me.
My heart needs a spiritual warrior…not a selfish immature man of the flesh. A man of the spirit…not a man of the flesh. I have zero desire to be led by the flesh of a man. I follow His Spirit even when my flesh doesn’t want to follow. I desire to have a husband who does the same. I can’t be yoked to a man of the flesh when I am a woman of His Spirit. I have been unequally yoked with man. Not a fan.
My Warrior
I wanted my husband to be a mighty spiritual warrior and fight for me. Fight ME for ME if he needed to. To fight for my heart. To win it. So, I could experientially KNOW he KNEW my value and worth. To see he was all in. 100% committed for LIFE…the rest of his life. A man who passionately pursued me…chased after me. A husband who NEEDED intimacy with me…heart to heart. A man who not only wanted to KNOW me…but for me to KNOW him intimately. A husband who invested in my heart.
I wanted to have a husband who like Father…was unrelenting in his passion, desire, need, want, love, care, and pursuit of me. I needed evidence…proof in the natural realm that my husband saw my heart was priceless. He would fight to own it. Fight me to conquer the land of my heart. To sell everything to gain his pearl of great price. Purchasing my heart. Getting the deed to my heart. To own it all…forever.
A husband who believed in his heart and his mind that he would rather die for me…than live without me. For to live without me as his wife…was not living but death instead. A husband who loved me enough to die for me. To see my life was worth more than his own. My value and worth were far greater than his own. To elevate me…above himself.
I am not free, cheap, and easy. I know the value of my heart.
Adam and Eve
Father tells us that when Eve disobeyed in the garden…she was deceived. The enemy had sown the seed of doubt in her heart and mind. Planted the tare…the weed seed of lies and deception. It clouded her sight…her judgment was impaired by the lies which led to her death. Adam was NOT deceived. He KNEW she had disobeyed Father and her punishment was death.
The love of his life…his life partner was going to be sentenced to death.
He didn’t want her to die alone. He didn’t want to live without her, so he CHOSE to die with her. There was nothing else he could do. He couldn’t save her from the punishment of death. The best he could give her out of his love for her was to die with her.
Christ’s Example
Christ came along to restore. To reconcile. To reconnect the connection that had been severed.
Christ wants to bring back intimacy in the relationship between Father and man. Bride and Bridegroom. Life instead of death.
As a natural imperfect man, Adam could not die in Eve’s place. He wasn’t perfect and the sacrifice needed to be clean, pure, and perfect.
Disobedience was the problem; Christ was the solution.
Adam and Eve are a picture of Christ and His Bride. Father creating a partner for His son OUT OF himself. The rib out of Adam, which He built Eve from…represents Father building the Bride out of Christ…her Husband. Husband and wife. Partners of life…for life.
What Adam couldn’t do…was save Eve. But Christ can…did…and is still saving His Bride.
Christ chose death for Himself…because He doesn’t want to live without His Bride. He would rather take Her punishment and die…Himself…then to live without Her for eternity. Living without Her…isn’t living. It is death to His heart. He wants to connect heart-to-heart with His wife. He laid down His life…to show Her as evidence that He sees Her value and worth as His Father sees Her value and worth. He has His Father’s eyes. He has His Father’s heart for His wife. Love. The heart of a servant.
Isn’t that beautiful?
I think so. 🥰
Created for Love and Intimacy
A woman wants her husband to die for her. Why? Because that is Father’s plan. He put that desire in our hearts because He wants to meet that desire. To fulfill it for us. To give us the desires of our hearts. A man’s greatest calling is to follow in Christ’s footsteps and die for the love of his life. His wife. It is the noblest of callings a man could choose to accept and answer. A wife needs to know experientially that her husband’s love for her is greater than his love for himself. He is to love his wife like Christ did His…He died to show Her just how much He loved and valued Her. Christ gave up His life to give Her life.
We were created for love and intimacy…to that depth…that degree.
When our earthly men are too broken and selfish to love us…Christ became broken for us as the servant leader to give us evidence of His great love for us. Where our men fail to step up and answer the noble calling of laying their lives down for their brides…Christ stepped up and met those heart needs we women have.
I have never in 51 years been more grateful for a man than I am for Jesus Christ who has proven His love to me. He is a man who LOVES me. His words and His actions…have proven it to me. I know it experientially. I get it.
He is a MAN who cares about the needs of a woman’s heart. He has poured intimacy into my heart. I KNOW His heart is FOR me…not against me. As a result of KNOWING His heart intimately…I know I can trust Him.
Gratitude…I am deeply grateful. 🙏