Reminiscing

Father and I worked through the night last night. A regular occurrence. At about 4 this morning, He began to sing a couple of the lines from the song Reminiscing by the Little River Band.

One of the lines He sang was, “Hurry, don’t be late, I can hardly wait.” Then He went on to sing the following line but changed the lyrics. He does that sometimes—actually quite a bit. Keeps the music world interesting for me I suppose. He then sings…I say to myself what went wrong. Then He skips to the line about walking in the park and reminiscing.

There it is. He played that on repeat in my head for quite some time. I asked Him what He was saying. What He wanted me to know. It comes in pieces at times. Frustrating to me. I felt that hurried feeling. Like something was urgent, ya know. Awful…especially when you haven’t a clue what He wants you to see.

So I say to Him…are you saying I am being impatient about something…I don’t know. I tried to sort through the notion of me being impatient. 😂 It is not my strongest fruit…BUT…I am SUPER strong in patience, or I would not have made it through five years of Hell. And truth be told…I have been VERY patient with people in the past. 😂 They just don’t realize it because I was loving to them. My patience with people AMAZES even me. Seriously. 😳

I got nowhere going down the patience road. That wasn’t the issue. Changing directions, we talked about my time in the Wilderness. I am still here.

Wilderness

Let’s just discuss the Wilderness for a moment. It sucks. I shall be blunt about it. Not a fan. Not only did I spend five years in Hell, but over three years of that time was also spent in the Wilderness. Adding insult to injury. He loves to pile layers of workouts on top of me. Just pile it on…don’t worry about Crystal…she will be F.I.N.E. Can you feel the sarcasm oozing from the fine??? 🤔 😂

The Israelites were stuck for 40 years walking around in the Wilderness because of 10 people’s rebellion. Two and only two had faith that Father would do what He said He would do. 10 spies were cowards and didn’t think they could take down the giants of the land. It was a debacle of epic proportions leading to rebellion of the whole nation. Joshua and Caleb believed.

The punishment was for the whole nation to wander around in the Wilderness until EVERYBODY died except Joshua and Caleb. Vanessa and I regularly talk about the Wilderness. I often wonder if Joshua and Caleb kept track of how many had died and how many had yet to die. 90,000 yet to go. I bet they were so excited when they were down to 10 left. The countdown began. 😂 Did they keep a secret tally book somewhere?

I can so relate. Still waiting on people to die.

Sword

Sounds so morbid…but I am being real here. It is who I am. I have often wanted to hand someone their sword for them so they can fall on it allowing me to move out of here. At times, I want to help them fall on it. A few people, I have just used the sword to slash a few heads off and move on. Just pruned them right out of my life. Dead and gone. The truth cuts. It divides those who speak it from those who don’t want to hear it. BUT…it unifies people who want to speak the truth with those who want to hear it. Double-edged, see? It divides or unites depending on where you stand. If you hate truth…it is going to cut you…bring death. If you love truth and embrace it…it will break the chains that have you bound and bring you life. It will set you free. How cool is that?

It is very simple math. I like that. When I speak the truth to people, I can see which side they are standing on quickly by how they react to the truth. Reject it…death. Accept it…life. If people don’t speak the truth…well…liars and agents of death. If they speak the truth…agents of life and freedom. WONDERFULNESS! Easy peasy to understand. Discernment 101.

Walking in the Park

As our conversation continued about the song, we were reminiscing about my time in Hell. Five years there. Then I was saying how I am still in the Wilderness. It isn’t a walk in the park. It isn’t Hell…but not fun here either.

I am not sure how many times I have moved since I entered the Wilderness. Just like He moved the Israelites around every little whipstitch, so He has done me. I may get 24 hours’ notice; I may get two weeks. I never know. When living in Colorado Springs, He said…pack your bags, you’re getting ready to go. I packed my stuff. Within a few days, my friend calls me out of the blue. She says to me…Father told me to come and get you. I laughed. Ok…come and get me. Back to Indiana I went.

During this time, I have lived in Illinois twice, Michigan, Colorado, Indiana, and spent 34 days as a nomad traveling the West.

He made me give up everything. Signed my home over to my ex and signed my truck over to my son. All I have left is a few worldly possessions. Crazy. 100% committed. Living out of boxes and suitcases. Homeless. A vagabond. A nomad. And poor. Relying solely on Him for my provision.

Super interesting way to live. Not for the weak. NOT a walk in the park so to speak.

Heaven

When I stepped outside for my morning walk, I saw the snow. Delightful. Truly. A winter wonderland for me. Got some shots I like. Hence the photos in this post.

But what was so cool was how this conversation continued as I stepped outside. At first, I was enthralled by the beauty of the snow. Snow in the country…is so different than snow in the city. Worlds apart. I have always loved living in the country and the snow is so much better when it covers the woods and the prairie land. I stood there for a moment just taking the beauty in.

Then I said to Him…FIVE years in Hell. FIVE! Five! I have been saying to Him…how can you ever make up for that. I ask that because He promised me He would. Super skeptical and frankly…disbelieving.

BUT…this morning…I said FIVE years…I just started complaining, and He stopped me…right there in the snow. He asked me so sweetly…what is five years compared to eternity?

WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🤯

Mind blown. Seriously. I stopped. It makes me cry. SO very beautiful. Especially with the snow as the background. Pristine white. Glory.

I saw it weighed out on the scales. Measuring five little years compared to eternity in Heaven. Silly to measure that. Foolish!

There is no comparison. None. When I get to Heaven…it will be a distant memory for me.

I kid you not…made it ALL better.

Power of Truth

After 30 years, I am still in awe of how powerful His truth is. It never ceases to amaze me how He can speak His truth and it magically changes my perspective. In a nanosecond…I am changed…in such a profound and positive way. What used to hurt…no longer hurts. The pain is gone, the chains have been severed, and I am free from the bondage I was in.

One truth from His sword…severs the chains I am bound by.

AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

His power…fascinates me. I still ask Him regularly…how does that work? How do you do that? What is that power?

His truth changes you. Transforms you. One moment you are tied up in knots, bound by chains, captive to your own messed up crazy thoughts and then BAM…He speaks, and all is well. You feel like the world is a better place. So comforting. So wonderful. Like a wonderful orgasm. Life is good now and you can sleep peacefully. All is right in the world.

I LOVE the truth. The power in it…is crazy cool.

Inner Healing

One of the visions I saw this morning was of a bride in her bridal gown. She was in the bathroom standing by the toilet and in front of the sink. I am not sure what He wanted me to know…but typically the bathroom represents inner healing. The bathroom is a place where we dump the wastes and toxins from our body…into the toilet. Then we clean ourselves there. Shower and/or wash our hands. Wash the filth off.

Inner healing is a way to get rid of the toxins in our souls and our spirits that we are hoarding. That would be sin…disobedience…through confession. But also that would be dealing with the emotional, mental, and spiritual lie-based belief system we have built inside. The lies and deception we hoard…cling to and elevate above His truth. Attitudes that need dumped and purged from our hearts and minds.

Just like the fat in our bodies store the toxins we consume…so our souls and spirits store the toxins we consume. We eat physical food in our physical bodies but we also feed our souls and spirits food as well. Feed on death…you get death. Not all soul food is healthy food for your soul. Consuming lies and deception brings death and diseases to soul and spirit just like consuming counterfeit food brings death and diseases to your physical body.

The inner healing process is purifying the bodies. Detoxing them. Bringing sobriety to the soul and spirit man. Setting you free from the strongholds in your life. The addictions you use to “cope” or manage your emotional, mental, and spiritual pain.

Meeting my Needs

When I looked at the vision of the bride in the bathroom, I wasn’t sure what He wanted me to understand. But…I felt led to ask for inner healing for Christ’s Bride and to give me what I need to make that happen for Her. She desperately needs it. She is so very broken. Damaged.

I want to see Her well. Clean. Healthy. Thriving.

Over twenty years I have spent working with people to bring inner healing. At first, I hated doing it on others. Selfish. It was so much work for me. I would do inner healing on myself on the fact He was making me do inner healing on someone else. Then when the appointment was over, I would do inner healing on myself again because I just did inner healing on someone else. 😂 So triggered in those first few months. Did NOT want to do that with people. I finally worked through all my selfishness and got over it. Started to enjoy seeing the people get set free.

One of the things I love the most about it…is when I have people who are not used to seeing visions or hearing Father speak. They always get so shocked. Sitting in awe, they will often ask me…what just happened to me. It always makes me laugh. Such a thrilling and powerful experience. I KNOW intimately that power. I KNOW the freedom it brings. The feeling of the chains falling off. Crazy good.

I enjoy giving people the privilege to hear, to see, and to KNOW the truth…and to be set free.

Gratitude

This morning, I am grateful that while reminiscing about my present…and my past…I got another measure of freedom about my time in Hell and in the Wilderness. A whole new perspective when you look at time from Heaven’s perspective. Changes the whole dynamics of your past. We as humans are so silly in how we view this world, and everything tied to it.

I am so thankful I am a woman who embraces the truth. Each day, I grow in maturity…adding more value and worth to myself.

Hell, and the Wilderness…don’t seem bad to me anymore. THAT is just how powerful His truth is for me. He can take ashes and make something absolutely breathtakingly beautiful out of it. He can transform ANY life that will humbly embrace His truth and submit their heart and life to Him.

I would encourage all to embrace the truth. Embrace positive change. Embrace inner healing. Look within and see you are worth the work it takes to bring mental, spiritual, and emotional health to self through the truth Christ can give you. Add value and worth to self by getting free from the addictions you cling to in order to manage all those crazy lies you believe. Embrace Him…the truth and break the chains of bondage you are held captive by.

The time to start…is now. Don’t wait. Hurry…don’t be late. He can hardly wait to see you bow before Him and embrace the freedom, love, and intimacy He has waiting for you.

Much love.

Life and blessings!