I have had this post sitting here behind the scenes for some time now. Waiting on Father to give me the words to finish it up. I am in a battle right now with a “Jezebel.” Goodness, she is ugly. I haven’t encountered too many of them in my life, but when I do…I most generally try to steer clear of them. This time, Father has me going to battle. Not really a fan of battles…but they are a necessary part of life. 🤷♀️
I have been discussing the battle with Hannah lately and I felt like part of that discussion was supposed to be shared here on the blog.
Today, Father brought up this post again while discussing something else. They kind of fit together as puzzle pieces. Felt led to share.
Years ago, I went through a battle. Pretty severe. The year-long battle nearly destroyed me. By the time it was over, I was admitted to the heart hospital. We thought it was a heart attack…turns out it was a thyroid storm. The first of two. Not a fan man. 😳
Had no clue your thyroid could affect your body like that.
Stress
The stress had taken a severe toll on my body. My thyroid troubles were just one of many. Stress brings death.
I made mistakes during that battle. Thankfully, I can learn new tricks…much like a dog. 😜
When discussing my past with Hannah a few weeks ago, I was sharing with her one of my strategies during that battle.
I always said the same thing to Father…every single day. Keep me one step ahead of the enemy. He did.
Will never say that again. Too stressful for me. 🙄
Give me the Plan
Today, I say…give me the plan. Show me the strategy from start to finish because keeping merely one step ahead of the enemy is too stressful for me.
Another thing I am saying this time…listen…I am not going to battle to lose. I am going to battle to win. I want to be the victor here. Not just parts and pieces of victory…but I want to own it ALL.
He knows what that means.
This battle is a result of me having my day in His Courtroom petitioning for certain things back in the spring of 2022.
I guess I am getting what I asked for. Had no clue I would have to go to battle to get it. 🤷♀️
Promises
This morning, Father was reminding me of a couple of things. Felt led to share them here.
On this blog somewhere, I share a bit of the story of when Father told me He was going to heal me completely, 100%. It was an out-of-the-blue kind of word. One He just slips in there when you aren’t expecting it. As I said before, I thought it was sweet of Him. Felt all the warm fuzzies…like…oh, He loves me. I was SO NAIVE!!! Young and immature. So immature. 😳
Then I went through years of chronic illness. Multiple surgeries and procedures. Not feeling the warm fuzzies anymore. To be sure. 🤨
I kept thinking…what the heck happened to my healing?
I realized it was a warning word. A word in advance of a coming storm. He was preparing me for a deluge of health issues that I would have in the future. He wanted to give me truth so I would be convicted of it BEFORE I went through one health crisis after another.
Promised Land
We are supposed to walk by faith. Faith is a conviction of His truth. We are to walk by the convictions of truths He puts in our hearts and minds. Walk by them. Stand on them. Even when all seems lost. When it looks and feels impossible…you walk knowing He gave you that promise. He has shown you the ending…before the beginning.
With all the Christian Religious “prophets” talking about the Promised Land and how wonderful it will be…that is true. But it will take years yet to get there. Much like my word on my healing. Father is warning the people while also encouraging them. The Promised Land is coming to your future…but you must go through the Wilderness journey before you enter. The Promised Land word is a word to stand on and walk by. Hold on to in the years to come.
Time
The other thought that came to my mind this morning was about His time.
People often say He is outside of time. That is wrong. He IS time. The Alpha and Omega…the beginning and the end. He is clear in His word…He IS time. I call Him Father Time.
Time is another one of His attributes. Who He is.
He is past, present, and future all mixed into one. All three are in unity at the same time all the time. Mind-boggling how He works and who He is.
With that being said, He isn’t in a rush about things. Drives me bonkers at times. Slow as a turtle.
Recently, He was singing to me Phil Collins…you can’t hurry love.
I thought about that for a bit…then I responded…don’t give me that bullshit. I know better. You can make love happen in the blink of an eye. 🙄
I think that was the response He was after. Seemed rather pleased with Himself. 🤨 Glad I am amusement and entertainment for Him at times. 😵💫
Journey
In thinking about the Wilderness journey this morning and feeling convinced now He is saying there will be a second 40 years in the Wilderness…I was thinking about the pain of my time in the Wilderness. Knowing what I know from my time there…I can’t imagine living there for 40 years. I know my experience there is skewed and distorted because I had layers of pain from other places too.
Living in Hell…nothing can top that. Nothing can compare to that. It is hard for me to separate my time in Hell from my time in the Wilderness from an emotional perspective. They were intermingled so I don’t have the understanding of what living in the Wilderness alone without the other layers of locations I endured. Father piled many things on top of each other for me to walk through. Some of that, He dragged me through…I didn’t go willingly. I was kicking, screaming, biting, and kicking through some of that. Not going to lie. Madder than a wet hen, I was. Pissed as Hell. Mad as a hornet.
Some He carried me through. Mostly I walked. Tried to run…that got me nowhere fast. 😩 God, it was awful. Can I say that again? God, it was awful.
Complain
It reminds me of Hannah telling me sometimes she needs to complain because it makes her feel better. 😂 I feel that about my journey. I like to complain to Father about it too at times. I tell Him…He needs to build a memorial to memorialize the work I did. Don’t want HIM to ever forget what I did for Him. 🤩 I think He needs a reminder at all times. Something big so I can point to it when He is starting to grate on my nerves. I will silently point to the memorial. My way of saying…shut your mouth. Remember what I did for you. I will say it all with my angry eyebrows. Not that it will have much of an impact on changing His mind. He is an immovable mountain. 🤨
Sometimes I would like to take cases of dynamite to that mountain. Somehow, He always calms me down. 🤷♀️ I tell Him…if He doesn’t like it…He shouldn’t have made me so feisty. He says I am sassy, feisty, and tough. Well…whose fault is that? I did not create myself. Just saying.
Battles
Makes me think of Star Trek and having to take your battle stations. Over the years, I have found some battles are not worth fighting because you are going to lose. I only fight battles Father has called me to fight. I don’t recommend fighting a battle without Him leading you into that battle. If He goes before you, He will take care of your enemies.
If He does not lead you into a battle…DON’T GO! Stay home. You are better off staying clear of the battlefield than fighting one by your flesh.
Sometimes, time is needed for the enemy to dig their own graves. Sometimes, much like Haman…you give them enough rope and they will hang themselves on it.
Only Father knows not only what you need but also what the enemy needs too.
I have learned the value of patience regarding battles. If I wait on Father, let Him lead me, and do it His way…I get the full victory. I want it ALL. Complete decimation thank you very much.
I am not into half-assing anything. If we are going to take the enemy…I want everything they have. Everything they hold dear to their heart…I want to own it. Hand it over please and thank you. It all belongs to me now. No more slavery to you…you are a slave to me.
There ya go!
Wish me well in my battle with Jezzie. Wanting to see her begging for bread in the streets while she laments over her losses. She is going to reap what she has sown. Don’t feel sorry for her one little bit either.
Have a MARVY DAY!