I have had this Valley of Life…Death Valley post sitting here waiting on the words since May of this year. Really wasn’t sure how much of it I wanted to share. My assumption…He would let me know when the time had come.
Yesterday, I was feeling parts of this post…along with a couple of other ones.
My mind seems to be a jumbled mess. He is doing something, and I am not sure what. Not sure where He is going here. I figure I will write and find out. 🤷♀️
A Piece
As always, many puzzle pieces to the story. Not sure which ones I will share…but here is one. Years ago, Father gave me a heart for the Native American Indian. My heart aches for them. Their plight is horrendous. Broken oaths, covenants, treaties, contracts, pledges, and agreements. A nation enslaved. A nation held captive. A people in peril.
Hurts my heart. I have no words to express what I see and feel. Father long ago put it in my heart to set them free.
I moved to Evansville, Indiana in the fall of 2008. Wasn’t sure how long I would be here. My desire was to head to Tennessee eventually. When I was going through my first divorce, I knew I was moving. I thought maybe farther north staying within the same state. Father wanted me in Evansville. Even though it was moving the kids out of state, Father made the arrangements. He always wins no matter the opposition. He gets what He wants.
I moved just down the road from Angel Mounds which claims to be one of the best-preserved Native American Indiana sites in North America.
Death Valley
Shortly after moving here, I began to struggle with chronic sinus infections. Eventually, I had surgery to relieve the issue. When I was sharing with my surgeon about the fact I had never struggled with sinus problems before moving to the area, he said to me…welcome to the sinus capital.
I was shocked by that.
Many in this area say the Indians who lived here called the Ohio Valley Region…Death Valley. I don’t know if that is true or false…but this valley has issues.
Friends of ours took our family skiing on this river years ago. I told them…I am not putting my body in that water. NASTY. The men skied. We women enjoyed the boating time but stayed out of the water. 😜
Month of May
Sometime in May, Father woke me up and said…very clearly…buried on a grassy knoll.
WHAT??? 😳
I had NO CLUE what that meant. Asking Him…what does that mean…no answer came. 😳
Also…around this same time in my life, I kept seeing the number 4. I knew there were a number of meanings regarding the number 4. (Pun intended…😜)
During this time in my life, I was constantly seeking Father for instructions on how to cross over to the other side. I wanted to go from the natural realm into the supernatural realm. This has been a LONG time goal of mine…decades here. I have been preparing for this time…passionate pursuit.
I felt like I was getting closer…my irritation and drive to get there was really agitating me within. To me…I HAD to cross over. Hunger…passion…desire. Gotta get there.
For my day’s instructions, He said to me…I am speaking to you through Lexy. Listen to what I am saying through her.
Go see Lexy today.
Ok…I drove to my local hang-out store to see Lexy.
On the way there, I said to Him…what do you want me to say to her.
He said…tell her of your desires to cross over. Ask her what she would do.
Ok…easy peasy.
Angel Mounds
After sharing with Lexy what Father told me to…I asked her what she would do. She started giving me some advice. One piece of her advice…you need to get outside in nature somewhere alone. Then she points down the road toward Angel Mounds…and says…like Angel Mounds. Go there.
Wow…ok. Knoll is also a mound. 🤔 I am super intrigued now.
I get my crystals/gems/stones/rocks and head to Angel Mounds.
After asking Father where to park the truck, He pointed to the cemetery.
I nearly passed out. 🤯
Buried on a Grassy Knoll
I slowly walk to the cemetery…in utter shock. Not sure why I am always shocked by the Twilight Zone I live in…but I am. This is almost a daily occurrence for me. You would think I would not be surprised by how He works.
When I get in front of the cemetery, I count the graves. 4. 🤯
It felt like I was walking on hallowed ground.
The journey of the day began. I was there to take back some territory. Take some land. To transition a valley of death to a valley of life. Also…to pronounce death to those who sow death. To bring death to those who want death. To bring life to those who choose life. Very simple concept. Courts of Heaven work.
We started by “marching” around the cemetery. I marched with the rocks He had chosen and spoke the words He asked me to speak. Converting death…to life…for those who choose/will choose life…and to bury those who choose and will choose death. Making a negative…a positive. Spiritual mathematical conversion.
Bowing Before Him
When that work was finished, I laid my jacket on the ground and poured out my rocks onto it. On my knees, I bowed down and put my face in the rocks…the truths they represent…and began repeating the words Holy Spirit told me to say. Lots of words spoken over the Ohio Valley Region, the Evansville-Newburgh area specifically, the Native American Indians, America, the entire Earth, and the land I was bowing on…and later walked.
It was interesting because I had a few strangers walking around. One woman literally walked up to me while I was down on my knees and face in the rocks. Her feet came up to my head. I could reach out and touch her. All this land and she wants to walk up to my head. Crazy! My guess, she thought I was some witch doing some weird curse or something. 🤷♀️
Quite the opposite. I was there to break curses over the land. There to tear down the enemy’s strongholds over the region. To claim the land as the Valley of Life instead of death. A land to proclaim to all the world…the truth instead of lies and deception.
After I was done here in this spot near the cemetery, He wanted me to walk the grounds. To follow His lead. To follow His footsteps and walk where He wanted me to walk speaking the words He wanted spoken. I did that with the crystals He had chosen specifically for my walk. Gathering them in my hands, I set out on my walk over the land. The other stones…were hanging on my back in my bag.
Crossing Over
Ok…so you know now…crossing over has been a big deal to my heart for oodles of years. I am driven to cross over. Consumed by my desire to get to my destination. Can’t stand sitting still or going at a snail’s pace on this journey. I have done anything and everything to get there. It means everything to me…to get to my Promised Land.
MANY over the years have tried to stop me…detour me…sidetrack me…distract me. Those people…are no longer in my life. It is kill or be killed for me. I am going…if I have to slash everyone who stands in my way…so be it…for to stay here is death to me. Crossing over…is my life. If you prefer death for me…you will get death for yourself. No apologies from me…don’t get in my way. You will die…not me. I choose life.
It always makes me think of a thief breaking into a home or someone trying to steal my property. If you trespass onto my property…break into my home to steal, kill, and destroy me and/or my family…my property…don’t cry when you suffer the consequences of your foolish choices. I am not ill-prepared for the enemy’s attacks. Weapons are a necessary part of the battle here. I am not afraid to hold my ground. It is called having proper boundaries…and maintaining them.
Night Before Last
The night before last, I felt a bit of anxiety kicking in.
It stemmed from a conversation I had with Mitchell. A few comments he made.
I realized shit is getting ready to hit the fan…to go down. This fall…is a very big fall for my family, I believe. For me.
The males in our family are unified with us females. In a number of areas. I have been waiting on the men to get there. They are here. I can hear Father’s voice speaking through them. They are ready.
I went to bed that night…starting to feel a bit anxious.
Anxiety
It seems like all I could focus on was two things.
One…my life is getting ready to be completely wiped out.
Two…I have no idea what that looks like and no control over it.
He has been preparing me for this time since I was born. I started the training 30-plus years ago, but more intentionally 20-plus years ago. I remember the day He told me about this time, I thought He was crazy. Nutso! I laughed at Him…and shook my head in utter disbelief. Although I didn’t believe Him, I got on board and obeyed. Bought myself a ring as a covenant sign of my promise to do the work to get ready.
This is not something I just heard about. See? I have spent decades moving in this direction for this period of time in my life. It is all I have wanted…to teach the Bride. To share the truth with the people. To start my new life. Anyone who knows me…knows the desire of my heart is to teach. To teach the Bride. I have not been shy about my desire…my passion. It is an unshakable desire…and listen…I have TRIED to shake it.
I am coming to the realization my time is coming…soon…and that was causing me anxiety. Lots of reasons for that.
INFJ
One piece of the puzzle, I am an INFJ. That means in part…I am an introvert. I prefer being alone in silence. Crystal could be really happy living on a deserted island…with Father alone. Can you say PARADISE? Yep…that is what this concept of living alone on an island with Father sounds like to me. Paradise.
For the last 24 hours, He has been singing to me Islands In the Stream…Robin Gibbs’s version of their song. His version has become my fav. Love his voice…the beat…and the tempo. The drums in this song are my favorite part. The arrangement is great.
He has most certainly gone through me with a fine-tooth comb. I call it nit-picking. Picking all the tiny little nits out of my mind. Painstakingly mind-driving crazy. Not kidding. He is relentless. Every single thought must bow to Him and be purified and refined.
It is nearly my time to be launched. That being said…I will lose my anonymity. I will no longer be hidden. This blog has become a safe space to write my heart/thoughts…knowing there are very very very few people here reading what I am writing. I am safe. Hidden away. I am unknown. I am virtually alone…alone virtually. Soon, that will no longer be the case for me.
To Be Known
My business will no longer be mine alone. The masses are going to come…and they will have questions. Lots of questions. I will become like an amoeba under a microscope. My life will no longer be the same.
Many years ago, Father said to me…I will change the entire landscape of your life. A new life. A new era. New beginning. A new lifestyle.
There are pros and cons to that. I look forward to teaching and no longer being in poverty. I look forward to no longer being homeless.
He says there are many perks.
The other day, He said to me…what if I took you to a land far, far away.
My response…sus…before I say yes or no…tell me exactly where we are going. 🤨
The perks sound great…but man…that means losses to get those gains. I have been counting the cost for the last 30 years.
It may not seem like it because of this blog…but let me just tell you this. I am a VERY private person. Very. Tend to keep me to myself. Only the few elect in my inner circle know me.
Then He made me start this blog and share me.
One cost of teaching the truth to the Bride is to share my inner self with the masses. To me…that is a high price to pay to become a teacher.
Changing of the Guard
Back in April, I went to Arlington to watch the Changing of the Guard ceremony again. I did a post about it.
One of the changes I want Him to make in my life is this. Instead of not having any control over my life…any of it. Not making any decisions for myself…I want to be in charge of it ALL. I want to be the HEAD. The top dog. In charge of all decisions.
Sounds crazy and arrogant but instead of following Him…I want to be followed.
For years, I told Him…I don’t need to make the decisions…I just want to be included in them. I don’t want to be blindsided in my life by your decisions in how my life is run. I want to be included in the conferences…the daily meetings. Crystal doesn’t want any surprises here.
When I entered Hell, I rethought through this notion of me telling Him…I didn’t need to make decisions about my life. The longer I was chained in that place, the more resolute I became about the notion Crystal Ann Laura needs to be in charge. I need to be the leader now not the follower. 🤷♀️
You see where I am going about needing a change in the guard here? Crystal Ann thinks there needs to be a leadership change. A complete reversal of roles here and personally, I think I as a woman need to be that person in charge.
I earned it. This woman is tired of bowing. My 52-year-old knees are worn out from rubbing up against the ground here. My face has been prostrated for 30-plus years. I am ready for my face to see the SON…instead of the dirty floor.
Life and Death
To get life…death must also occur. It is the yin and yang. The two are inseparable. To cross over to my Promised Land…I must die to my flesh. Every bit of my flesh has to die.
For years, I have longed to be with my Lover. To spend eternity with Him. To become one with Him. To have that dream come true…I have had to sacrifice it all for Him. To Him. I am close to the end of the final death of me.
It scares me. I have no idea what this new life will look like. It never looks the way you think it will. I see parts and pieces…but not fully. I need to see.
Meeting
Last night, I sent Lexy a text asking if she was at the store. She was not.
She asked if we could meet for coffee.
We met at Starbucks.
On the way there, I told Father…I don’t want to talk about me.
We didn’t. Lexy spent the evening sharing her life with me.
While she was speaking, I was listening for Father. I knew Lexy was supposed to say something that would direct me regarding the anxiety I was feeling about the upcoming changes this fall.
She made a statement about pregnancy, and I heard Him. So very clearly.
On the way home, we discussed my anxiety.
Change the Perspective
I realized I needed Him to change my perspective. I am anxious about meeting Him. Anxious about Him touching me. Anxious about what His power will do to me…all parts and pieces of all three of my bodies. Radical changes will take place for me. I will never be the same again. The old me will be completely gone…transformed into the new me.
I am anxious about how this will change my children’s lives, my grandchildren’s lives, and our family as individuals and as a whole.
Also, I am anxious about the responsibility of it all. Logically, I know it will be Him and I operating as one…but still.
I have always said to Him…if you don’t give me 100% accuracy…I am not teaching. That is non-negotiable with me. I am tired of lies, deceptions, and half-truths. For years, I have been on repeat…I want the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Give it ALL to me…or else forget about it.
I am like Rob Thomas…make it real or else forget about it.
Last night, I asked Him…to change my perspective.
If this is all real, then I want to be excited about meeting Him. Marrying Him. Being crowned finally. Being appointed with the power and authority I have been pursuing for oodles of years and being given the truth, life, love, light, and healing to pour out onto the world. Crystal Ann wants to be excited about giving birth to life, love, light, and truth.
I don’t want to be anxious about my date with my King…I want to be excited about my date. Giddy seems like a better attitude/emotion to have when thinking about it instead of anxiety. 🤷♀️
Clarity
Seeking clarity still. So many words…visions…dreams…still jumbled about what they all mean.
What I do know is this. He knows what it all means. No one else does.
BUT…I am beating on His bedroom door…still relentless in my pursuit of not only His heart…but His mind. His life. His manhood. I want it all. I want Him…100% of Him. Nothing but Him. I have been dying trying. I have lost too much to quit now. He and I can die together and live together. All of my womanhood wants all of His manhood. I want to taste Him, smell Him, hold Him, touch Him, see Him, and hear Him. I am going to consume Him…100%. Mine…ALL MINE…for eternity.