The gift of rejection…sounds wrong, doesn’t it? 😂 I remember telling my friend years ago the truth…pain is a gift. She said to me in her beautiful African American voice…GIRL…you have done and gone lost your mind now. She sent me into fits of laughter over it. Although we were on the phone, I could see her facial expressions throughout the conversation. She was NOT buying what I was selling. 😂 I believe I eventually convinced her of some of what Father was saying as we worked through her pain, but saying pain is a gift and rejection is a gift IS a hard sell if you don’t understand why.
All my life, I have needed to know why. It is not enough for me to merely have the truth. I need to also UNDERSTAND the truth.
Requests
Maybe for the first ten or fifteen years of the beginning of my journey with Father, I asked…on repeat…for eight things. Wisdom, knowledge, discernment, and understanding. Love, tact, humility, and emotional wholeness. I started out wanting these things in the natural realm of the soul. Then I upped the ante to the spirit realm. I also branched off with each topic and got more specific in details as those years went by. Long ago, I quit asking for them. I assumed by then…it was a given. He had changed the default setting to give them to me without me asking on repeat.
Mitchell tells me I don’t have tact. 😧🤦♀️
I told him…I asked for that repeatedly for years. He said…well, Mom…you didn’t get it. 🤨🤔😳😂 So cold…so cold. Sometimes I wonder why I raised my kids to be so blunt and forthcoming with me. The transparency and accountability in our family is mind-boggling. No one gets by with anything here. You will be exposed so just share it. 🤷♀️ It is how we roll.
Leaders
MANY years ago, Father and I had a conversation about many of the leaders in His word. We went through the list of them…and I cherry-picked traits I wanted from each leader. Give me some of this from Moses, give me some of this from Joshua, give me some of this from Samuel, give me some of this from David, etc.
I always wanted to be like Jael who hammered the tent peg through King Jabin’s head while he slept in her tent. So cunning she was. That was one bold and courageous woman who took care of the battle all by herself. What a WOMAN!!!!!!!! That is some smarticles put to good use right there! He picked the WRONG woman to “protect” him. What a story man!!! 😍 Badass she was!!! Can you imagine the look on the men’s faces when she told them what she had done? When they saw that bloody mess? Goodness…I bet she was standing tall on the inside. I would have been…not going to lie. 😂 Proud as a peacock. Display those feathers honey…looking good!
The Bible is awesome. So many great stories in it. Every kind of intrigue you could ever want. Mystery, romance, murder, crime sprees, battles, royalty, suffering, victories, etc. It is all there wrapped up in one package. So fun to read and study. Countless treasures hidden within if you have the eyes to see and the ears to hear.
Daniel
The top four on the list…wisdom, knowledge, discernment, and understanding came from my desire to be like Daniel.
He needed those four traits.
To me…wisdom is the practical application of the knowledge of truth. You need discernment to know what is true and what is false. Then you need understanding to know what that truth really means in full. Next up, you need wisdom to KNOW how to apply the knowledge of truth you have discerned to really be truth instead of lies and deception.
Makes complete sense to me why I need those four things. It is logical. A mathematical equation in the correct order that adds up to a logically true conclusion. See?
Isn’t logic fun? I love logic. 💙 It is so satisfying to have absolute truths to stand on. So restful to the heart and mind.
Vision
Father woke me up at about 3 this morning. I saw a vision. It had…what I believe to be…seven names. On the left-hand side, was the name Abraham. The other names were written behind Abraham to the right like in a sentence. I am sure He said seven names and I think they were all men.
I sound crazy but two thoughts have been on repeat since I saw them. The seven seals…and the covenants. I think the names are related to the seven seals and the covenants. That makes logical sense to me because of a ton of conversations Father and I have had over the years about the covenants. Christians don’t teach covenant, so the world doesn’t understand what Father has really been saying in His word all these years. The understanding of the covenants is SEALED up. See? Like scrolls of truth that have been sealed with the King’s signet ring seal. Holy Spirit is the seal I believe because I also believe He is the ring. The wedding ring. The sign…seal of the wedding covenant. The circle of life that encompasses the heart and seals it up.
SO…then I drifted back to sleep…but was awoken with a dream. Then a vision.
Dream
It was about a ring I bought years ago. I set my ring inside a ring box at a jewelry store. The ring box already had a ring in it, but I set it inside it anyway. I tried on another ring. Then I was not at the jewelry store, but I had left my ring in that box. I wasn’t sure if I would get it back, but I was going to try. Either by going there or by calling them.
I woke up panicked about the loss of my ring. After touching the ring on my finger…now being secure it was still there…I saw a vision. It was this really pretty new ring. It was a large square sapphire ring with diamonds on both sides. The diamonds were rectangular in shape framing the sapphire.
Now I am confused. I asked Him…do you want me to get a new ring? Are you wanting me to buy a new ring?
I didn’t want to spend the money. Seriously, He makes me spend money like He owns everything. He never worries over funding. 🤷♀️😜
Also, I know first…His Kingdom is a spiritual one. So…I say to Him…are you going to give me a new spiritual ring? If so…what do I need to do here? Take me where I need to go.
He wants me to go back and reflect on how the first ring came to be.
I am supposed to share that story here. It is pertinent to where I am going with this post. We ARE going to get to rejection.
2001
In August of 2001, I woke up at 4 in the morning to a phone call from an ER nurse. She sounded stressed. I am wide awake now. She informed me that my husband had been in a serious car accident, and I needed to get to the ER ASAP.
We lived in the country, so the hospital was 30 minutes away. My mom lived in that town, so I called her and asked if I could bring the kids over while I went to the hospital. She agreed. I scooped the kids up and off we went.
When I arrived at the hospital, I was escorted back to the room he was in just in time to see a police officer arresting him for DUI. He was combative and out of it.
The police officer shared his story with me. He was driving home after his shift was over and he saw the vehicle out in the field. When he approached the vehicle, he felt the hood and it was cold. He wasn’t sure how long the vehicle had been in the field. Since this is country living, it took time to get the ambulance there and get him to the hospital.
The blood work was drawn, and he was three times the legal limit for alcohol, so the officer officially arrested him.
Trauma
By this time, the hospital had determined he needed to be transferred to a trauma center because his injuries were beyond their capabilities.
When I arrived at the trauma center, while the nurse was preparing me to enter the room, he made the comment…the third day will be the worst.
It was. On day three, suddenly…doctors and nurses rapidly entered…filling the room. A doctor pulled me out of the room to explain what was happening.
I will never forget that conversation. Here is a snippet of it.
He informs me they are going to give him strong narcotics for the pain. One lung had collapsed and the other was collapsing. They were going to put him on a machine to get the lungs reinflated.
I said to the doctor…this man is an alcoholic. If you put him on narcotics, you are sentencing him to drug addiction too.
He responded…if I do not give him the narcotics…he will die.
I walked back into that room feeling as if my fate was sealed.
Begging
I started begging Father to allow me to divorce him. He said no. Every single time.
I begged. And begged. And begged. I cried. I pleaded. All hope for me was lost. The dread was awful. I was angry. So hurt. So tired of the bullshit. I was worried about my children and how I would raise them to be who I wanted them to be without a father who would honor our Heavenly Father.
While at the hospital, a man gave me $500. He told me to use it however I needed it used. I put it in my purse and waited for Father to tell me what He wanted me to do with it.
After a week in the trauma center, we were released to go home.
I had a lot of words to use with Father…because He was being immovable about me staying in this marriage. I was super hurt by that. Angry. Confused why He would make me stay. I am sleeping with my enemy.
What He said to me was…I want you here because I want to use this to stretch you. I want to grow you. I want to train you to be the woman I have created you to be. It was during that time…He told me I would teach the Bride.
Per my pattern, I said ok.
I relented. Submitted to His plan. Made a covenant with Him. I told Him…I will no longer worry about what my husband is doing or who he is with. I will focus on my own emotional health. My commitment was to get prepared for this season of life I have now crossed over into.
My Covenant Ring
After I agreed to His plan, He told me…I want you to take that $500 and buy a ring as a sign of your covenant with me.
I drove to town and went to the local jewelry store where I was a regular. As always, Janie was thrilled to see me walk in the door.
Father picked the ring out for me…as He always does.
I have been wearing this ring on my finger since that day as a reminder of my destiny. To remind me it is always about fulfilling the covenant I made with Him that day to get myself ready for teaching the Bride.
I believe this morning, He was saying…the promises tied to this ring have now been fulfilled and it is time to get a new ring.
My current ring represents a massive journey for me. Intensive labor…much pain…much rejection.
The new ring will represent my new beginnings. The new era He promised me years ago. A new life.
I am considering giving Hannah my old ring…when she is ready to receive it.
Struggles
I stayed in that marriage for another six years. In the summer of 2007, Father would say on repeat to me…death is in you. I heard that all summer and into the fall. It was in the fall that I had the courage to ask what it was. It filled me with dread every single time He spoke those words. I knew it was going to mean devastation for me.
I believe it was in September, He repeated it when I was standing in the shower. My response this time…tell me what you want me to do.
His response…make an appointment with your gynecologist. It was then that I knew…I had an STD. He wanted me to deal with the death in me…and the death of the marriage.
As I have mentioned before on this blog somewhere, I fought the idea of divorce. Seems odd, doesn’t it? Here I was begging to leave and now I am begging to stay. I had found a beautiful place of intimacy with Father because of the difficult marriage. The rejection in my marriage…pushed me to Father. It was during this time, that my love had been strengthened astronomically. He met my emotional needs.
I was still hoping my husband would come to know Christ.
Father said to me…I will no longer cast MY pearl before that swine. He cannot present you without a spot, a stain, a wrinkle, or a blemish.
I knew then…this was for my good. My husband was never going to love me or see my value and worth. It was time to shake the dust off my feet…and move on with my life.
Assumptions
Over the years, I have been rejected by the masses. I heard…on repeat…that I was an unforgiving woman. A woman scorned because I cut ties with people who have mistreated me. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. What these people don’t realize is this. I have already forgiven them. Each one of them…long ago.
I made a promise to Father over 30 years ago, that I would not carry unforgiveness and hatred in my heart. Hating my dad, nearly destroyed me. Forgiving him…brought me life. I learned experientially what unforgiveness vs. forgiveness does to the soul and spirit. Always…I will choose life.
Now…just because I have forgiven every human being who has wronged me…does not mean I am going to enter back into a relationship with them. I am not stupid. Those experiences taught me much. I do learn from my mistakes…and I learn from the mistakes of others. Pruning toxic, dirty, unhealthy, unclean, etc…people…out of my life is a necessary part of my growth and well-being. When Father says to cut someone off/out…I obey. I am done. All is good on my end.
I process with Him through any residual pain…exchanging my lies for His truth. Then I am healed…and I move forward with peace. That is how I roll.
Those people are now in my past, not my present or my future.
Tables Turned
One aspect of the tables turned prophecy from Father is regarding the money changers in the church. Lots of Christians are selling Christ. Commerce for the Lord. Christ is going to come and turn those money-changing tables over. He and I long ago were talking about a billboard I saw. It was selling Jesus. So disgusting how they market Him like He is free, cheap, and easy.
I asked Father…what do you say about that. He only responded with this…I am not for sale. I cannot be bought or sold.
A lot of people are going to be very shocked. He is coming to clean some stuff up.
Another aspect of that prophecy is a portion of a word Father spoke through Kim Clement…the Esther word. He said…they will say…we hated her…but now we love her.
Indeed, I have been hated. By many.
The girls and I were talking about this last night. A few people came to my mind from churches I was run out of years ago. A few years ago, a friend of mine said Father told him…they will want you to come back in the future.
Yep…those who mistreated me, judged me so wrongly, mocked me, gossiped about me, slandered my name, looked down upon me, ran me off, etc. are going to want me back. They are going to want to say they know me. Come to their church so they can be associated with me.
No thanks.
Not mad…just not coming back to inflate your egos and bolster your reputation. 🤷♀️
To all those who rejected me…mistreated me…hated me…shit talked me to my face and behind my back. Thank you. Thank you very much.
Joseph
Remember those leaders I wanted tidbits from? Yep…Joseph was one of them…along with the ability to understand what Father was doing when his family mistreated him so badly. I loathe when Christians say Joseph was prideful, arrogant, and bragging about his dream of them all bowing down to him. That young man was sharing what he got without understanding what it meant. He was seeking understanding…probably trying to wrap his mind around what Father was showing him.
There is no way in Hell Joseph was an arrogant man. Had he been…it would have disqualified him from Father elevating him to second in command over the nation of Egypt. Father elevates the low and humbles the prideful.
Joseph’s elevation by Father is evidence that man was born with a humble heart. I believe that is why his father gave him a coat of many colors. A gift to a humble young man.
I…like Joseph…understand what the enemy meant for my destruction…Father used for good. He used the abuse and the rejection to elevate me to a position to save His people. The Bride…the nation of Israel…and to reach out to the hurting, broken, rejected, and shunned.
I actually turned up the saturation of yellow on the flower. It felt right when I was in LR, but when I uploaded it to my site, the yellow made me jump back a bit. When I upload my photos on this site, sometimes their compression changes the quality of the original photo. Not much I can do about that. 🤷♀️
I sat here debating about doing another edit and turning the saturation back down, but I felt like Father was saying leave it alone. I like the yellow itself. Also, I like the fact it is contrasted with the darkness of the background…but the brightness of the yellow is loud to me.
Leaving it the way it is out of obedience because He has His reasons. He may make them known to me when I write the post. Unsure. 🤷♀️
Christ
Before I could be elevated above Christ…yes, I said that. Yes, I will be.
First, I had to become like Christ.
I had to be rejected, despised, hated, shunned, persecuted, and crucified…for those whom I loved and served.
Christ lowered Himself…to later be elevated. I had to lower myself and allow others to crucify me…to later be elevated.
In 2008, Father said to me…I WILL prepare a table for you in front of your enemies. I saw my enemies watching my elevation. Then…it didn’t have much of an impact on me. Today, I remember it with gratitude.
The rejection…escorted me to my Promised Land.
I have never in my life been so grateful for rejection. Gratitude doesn’t even describe what I feel. Working through the hatred and animosity is my greatest pride and joy to this date. I made it. Victory is mine.
Once again I say to those who hated me and rejected me…thank you. Thank you very much for pushing me to my throne.
Honor
To be transparent, I started this post yesterday morning. I had to stop as the family celebrated Rosh Hashanah last night at Hannah’s for dinner. I am finishing the post today.
Yesterday, I saw a YouTube video title with another person saying “many” will have another leader’s anointing. This time it was Joseph. They say there will be many Josephs rise up.
This time…when I saw the title…instead of being triggered. I merely said out loud…no, I AM Joseph.
Father said to me…I will honor you in front of the world. I cried. THAT speaks volumes to me of His love for me.
For years, I have been working through my faults and wondering if He was ever going to say some nice and loving things to me. So tired of Him nit-picking at every little fault I had. The tables are going to be turned. It is time for my elevation BY Him…the love of my life. The ONE I gave my heart to. I am His…100%.
Prophet
Part of me hesitates to say this here…but I am going to out of obedience.
During my conversation with Him yesterday, He told me I was a prophet. It is by His appointment not by man’s.
I was shocked at first…but then my entire life made perfect sense to me. Especially the last six years.
Bobbi said…how did we not see that?
Vanessa and I have said on repeat for the last six years when we would wonder…is this Father…well…look at the Old Testament prophets. They did crazy stuff like that. He does work that way.
What I find interesting…two things.
One…I wasn’t wowed by the thought of Father honoring me in front of the world. However, I was overwhelmed to think He actually did love me like that. Love is what I have been pursuing from Him for 30-plus years. NOT honor, fame, fortune, etc. Love and intimacy. I just wanted to love Him and be intimate with Him and for Him to reciprocate that back to me.
Two…I wasn’t wowed by the thought of Father saying I was a prophet like that was some high position…even though it is. However, I was absolutely gobsmacked by the fact it completely cleared up the last 52 years of my life. Like…I understood. My eyes were opened to why I endured so much. Ya know?
Just that tiny bit of knowledge and understanding made everything worth it. I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t delusional. It is truth that I was hearing from Him and following Him. Every step of the way.
That…right there…frees up my mind and heart so much. Understanding…is a beautiful thing. 💙
The Gift of Rejection
Truly…rejection is a gift if you have the eyes to see the possibilities of where it can lead you.
Rejection is why I have the love and intimacy with Father that I do today. I wouldn’t trade one day of my life…not one.
I hope this post may find you. Also, I hope my story of struggles…the battles within to work through the pain of the fire…coming out on the other side…not even smelling like smoke…can give you hope in your life struggles.
It is truly about perspective. Taking lemons and making lemonade.
My life has been defined by rejection and pain…but it is all positive. I converted it from a negative to a positive.
Stick around…and I will show you how to do the same.
Much love and blessings.
Have a marvy day! I am planning on it as well.