Father promised shock and awe to me. Wow…I can attest I am in shock. I haven’t hit the “in awe” side of that word, but I might have gone into cardiac arrest stage here.
The family is trying to wrap our minds around what Father is saying.
I shared with Mitchell what Father had planned for my life, this time, he didn’t even bat an eye…he just gave me requests. He normally says something about me being crazy or insane. 🤷♀️
Vanessa and I are horrified at the turn of events here. It shatters all my thoughts of where I was headed in life.
My future is sealed…and there is nothing I can do about it. I feel grief. I am moving in a radically different direction in life than I thought we were going. Radically. Did I say radically? I mean radically. I feel like I am getting ready to walk into a nightmare. Entering the Lion’s Den. I didn’t see this coming. At all.
Life of Service
I have been a servant…His servant for over 30 years now. It all makes so much sense to me…the direction I am heading in.
Recently Father said He would make me an offer I couldn’t refuse. As always, I was clueless as to what the offer could be. So…I asked. On repeat.
I tell Him often; I don’t like surprises. I want to know everything all the time. No blindsides.
He finally shared the offer with me. He is right…I can’t refuse…but so badly I want to. It is the last thing I would ever want to do in my life…yet I am His servant, and this is what I was destined to do.
So many puzzle pieces just clicked into place.
I have a divine destiny to fulfill despite my fleshly desires to do other things with my life.
My heart is shattered. I am guessing traveling to the National Parks is off the list now. We have more important things to do I suppose.
Did I mention I am grieving??
Cream
An old mentor of mine used to say to me…Crystal…the cream rises to the top…you ARE the cream…rise to the top. At the time, I didn’t feel much like being the cream…but that sweet woman was right. So thankful she would say that to me when I was feeling like ripping someone’s throat out. 😂
She was a good reminder for me to keep my mouth shut instead of defending myself. Father used her in my life to confirm what He was saying. I had another friend who would say…kill em with kindness Crystal…kill em with kindness.
Some days that is easier than others. I did it though. I walked through that season all those years ago holding my head high despite the slander.
Moving Forward
I suspect I will be moving…permanently relocating. The thought of living in a big city…wowser…no words. My life and my family’s life are getting ready to change in ways we can’t understand right now.
If anyone is reading my blog…please ask Father to help me wrap my head around this new life. Help our whole family adjust to such a radical change. There are many wonderful benefits coming our way…so much privilege. However, with that privilege comes a loss of so much…and responsibilities that I seriously can’t comprehend at this time.
I must step up…but that requires giving up something I don’t understand yet.
I am here to serve. His bondservant. My life is not my own.