I am giddy and I feel led to share. Father woke me up at 1 this morning. He had some things to discuss. Ok…let’s get to it. At about 2:30…He shared this wonderful revelation about needs. I was overwhelmed with giddiness. It is now 3:30…and I HAVE to share this wonderfulness with someone…so I am typing this up here. 😜
Father wanted me to look back…at the last seven years of this hard work…this labor of love I have done. I asked Him…what do you want me to see? Over the last couple of years or so…He has slowly been removing the pain of being chained in Hell. I feel really good about the whole thing. At times I give Him a hard time about it…but I am not angry. It is part of my sass, I guess. 🤷♀️
He points at one tiny little spot…He is a nitpicker…to the extreme. Every tiny little detail must be clean. No weed seeds are allowed to grow in my gardens. He can be exhausting at times. For real. 🤨
I looked at the spot and said…I am not understanding what you want me to see. I do the thing I do…Father help me. Holy Spirit…take me by the hand and lead me to the truth. Jesus tell me the truth. What do I need to see and know here? Give me what I need to understand what you are saying here.
My eyes are opened and now I see. In this tiny little spot…I feel dirty. I shared with Him why I felt dirty in that spot. He says to me…you were meeting Christ’s needs.
WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🤯🔥
Puzzle Piece
Ok…so I know you don’t get how profound this was to me…on so many levels…but I am going to attempt to explain a piece of this here.
Here is my heart…100%. When I love someone…I strive to meet their needs. That is just who I am…the core of me. I love…so I care…so since I love and care…I WANT to meet the needs of the person I love…because I care. It is a circle…a cycle that repeats itself…over and over and over again. I can’t help myself. It is what I do. 🤷♀️ Drives my own self nutso at times.
For example…when I love a man…I strive to meet his needs. This is how I have done that. I ask Father…what does my husband need? What are his needs? What needs does he have that you have created me to meet? Equip me to meet his needs for him.
Reasoning
The reason I do this…in part…is because typically man has no clue what their needs are. In my past marriages, I asked…they didn’t know. This is what led me to ask Father. It is easier. He created the man…He knows their needs…so I ask Him. He tells me…then I meet those needs for my husband directed by Father.
Same with my children. I did the same thing for my children. I said…help me to love them in the way you created them to receive love. Show me how to love them and meet the needs in them you have created me to meet for them.
I did the exact same thing with Father, Christ, and Holy Spirit. I said on repeat years ago…Father…help me to love you the way you need me to love you. Help me to love you and show you that love in the way you receive love.
I love Him and care about Him…so I wanted to love Him the way He received love…not arrogantly assume in my flesh I already knew how to love Him and show Him that love. It seems foolish to me to assume I am doing something right when I may be way off base. It makes logical sense to me…ask instead of assuming. 🤔
Needs
We all have needs. Many of them. A husband and wife have certain needs they are supposed to meet for one another. Parents are to meet certain needs for their children. Friends have certain needs they are supposed to meet for one another. The list goes on, right? People are created to meet certain needs for certain people. Some of man’s needs can ONLY be met by Father, Christ, and Spirit.
It is place value mathematically speaking. Everything has a place, and everything has a value. Everything was built on a mathematical foundation in Creation. He is the Mathematician. Everything is a financial transaction…debit or credit.
How I roll is this…Father…show me what needs I need to meet for what people. There ya go…now ya know. That sums me up.
Boundary
I learned a long time ago…I am not for everyone. Some people simply don’t want to hear the truth…therefore…they don’t want to hear what I am saying. I get that. I can’t meet their needs for them because they reject what I am putting out.
It is a healthy boundary for me. This understanding of needs takes the pressure off me to perform for man. I need to meet the needs of the people Father puts in my life…along with the specific needs He has tasked me to meet for them. It is that simple.
Some people have no place in my life because they have little to no value to me. Maybe their value to me is negative only. They bring me death and curses because they are toxic. Some people only steal from you. So, they subtract from you. See?
On the flip side, some people add value to my life, so they have a place in my life. If they love and care for me…they will want to meet my needs. Therefore, they are adding value TO me…not stealing FROM me.
This is how I evaluate people that come in and out of my life. Father and I are always discussing the people around me. It is a healthy way to live. Feels good too.
Christ’s Needs
Christ has needs too. Father created man for many purposes. One of those purposes was for love and intimacy.
He placed in our hearts the desires for love and intimacy because He needs those too. We were created in His image. The circle needs to be completed. He loves us…He wants us to love Him back. He is intimate with us…He wants us to be intimate with Him back. See?
Marriage and family. We were created to be like Him…to love and be loved. To know and be known. I know I have said this before on this blog. It is a repeat…but worth repeating.
Christ LOVES His Bride. He wants to KNOW Her intimately…to be in Her. To have reciprocity with Her. For Her to love Him and know Him too. He needs love and intimacy with Her.
This is why I was created…to build…to be a bridge between Her and Him. Fill in the gap so to speak so She can love Him and know Him back.
The last seven years…was for Him. All about Him. I was meeting Christ’s needs while I was being burned up as the whole burnt offering…so I can teach Her about Him and His great love for Her.
HOW FREAKING AWESOME IS THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mind blown. Seriously. 🤯
It makes me giddy. I did good! 😂 A little hick talk there.
But Wait
There’s more!!!
After He shares this little wonderfulness of Crystal Ann Laura meeting Christ’s needs, He then reminds me of a conversation I had with Vanessa yesterday morning pertaining to Hannah. It is pertinent to the story here.
Can’t remember what started the convo…but we were discussing Father and how He works. Specifically, regarding Hannah…which is also a prophetic picture of the Bride for me.
I was sharing with Vanessa the time Hannah and I went to West Virginia to walk the New River Gorge Bridge. I am going to share bits of that here…plus a little back info to fill in the picture.
In the Past
Hannah has a love-hate relationship with inner healing. She knows she needs to do it…and wants to because she wants the freedom she gets when she does the work. However, she is lazy…this is known…so she dislikes the work part of it.
In the past, she would set up appointments with me to do inner healing…and then it wouldn’t happen for whatever reason. For example…I would show up at the apartment at the appointed time…and she wouldn’t be there. I would send a text…she forgot. I would go home.
Sometimes, I would get there, and she would say…let’s go downtown and ride bikes. Or…hey…there is a jazz festival and our favorite musician is playing…let’s go watch him.
😂🤷♀️ I would say…sure. Let’s go.
I am not someone who forces myself onto people. I offer myself. If they reject me and/or my services…I merrily move on about my way. This is what I did with Hannah during those times. In my mind, it was always her decision. She gets the right and privilege to hoard her emotional and spiritual garbage. We all get that right. I choose not to live that way, but I allow others to live that way. It is about having healthy boundaries.
Hannah’s attitudes have always been a prophetic picture of the Bride. That is key for me in this picture I call my life.
Blame
In addition to that…at times Hannah would set up an appointment for inner healing and my issues would take precedence over hers. Father had me working through Hell during that time…so my work had to come first.
Then she would blame me for her toxicity. 😂 It was now my fault she was not getting the inner healing done. I was the reason she was stuck in a mess.
It was super clear to the entire family…Crystal was not to blame. 🤷♀️ We discussed it…as we discuss every little thing in this family. No secrets in this family. 😂 Complete transparency here…it is how we roll.
This is a picture of man…always blaming Father for their problems. So funny. Cracks me up.
Sense of Humor
A little piece of the puzzle here. I know this is also a repeat on this blog.
Hannah’s sense of humor is tops for me. I don’t understand why I find her sense of humor hilarious…but I do. The dark side of her…sends me into fits of laughter at times. She slays me with her comments.
Her humor is dry…very dry. When it comes to speaking…she is the exact opposite of me…very few words. She has this incredible gift of saying an enormous amount in the least number of words possible. I wish I could do that…it is truly a gift.
Her humor is dark. It is born out of pain and toxicity. I am positive and think from the perspective of light. She is negative and thinks from the perspective of darkness. She is a picture of the Bride of Christ in Her current state.
Hannah’s humor is dry, dark, wicked sharp, quick, and truthful.
Example
An example…one you really can’t understand…but an example still.
A few years ago, I had an IG account I was sharing some photos on. I posted a photo I had taken from Death Valley…it is currently on this blog. Hannah slayed me with a comment she posted on the photo. “Looks familiar.”
I lost it. 😂
To you…that would merely have you scratching your head in wonder…but to me…hilarious. I was currently living in Hell…the whole family was living in Death Valley with me for real. She was speaking of our current situation of death. I still laugh about that comment. Laughing as I type this.
The woman can say so much with so few words. It was the truth. We were living in Hell. How she can take the darkest times of your life and make them so funny is beyond my comprehension. It is a gift. Truly. Her dark humor…tops!
New Approach
Ok…so Hannah makes an executive decision about inner healing. She says to me…and Father…I want to do inner healing experientially. I want to do it in the moment. During the situation.
Oh boy! 😂🤷♀️ I see where this is going. Has me shaking my head and giggling…but ok. Your choice honey. She is so funny.
Fast forward to West Virginia. I know I have also shared this story on the blog…but a short recap is needed. Hannah is terrified of heights…I know this.
After we get to the New River Gorge Bridge, I speak to some park employees. Father gives me the itinerary of the day. As we are walking to the truck, I decided I better tell Hannah we are going to walk the bridge so we could do inner healing on her fear of heights BEFORE we get on the bridge. I wanted to be considerate and give her the opportunity to deal with it privately in the truck instead of publicly.
We hop into the truck, and I say…I have the plan. She puts her hand up and stops me. She says…great…surprise me. Don’t tell me.
Tickets
I am laughing as I type…dang that girl is funny. Now I am shaking my head and giggling at her in the truck as I drive to the store to purchase our tickets.
It cost more than I had expected so while I am standing at the register with the saleslady, I say to Hannah…go out to the truck and get me some more cash out of my purse. There is no one else in the store with us.
She comes back…and I know with her tightwad mindset she is chewing on the expense. I was right. Hannah walks up to me and the clerk and says…why in the world does it cost so much to walk across a bridge?
I just smile and point to the picture by the register. NOW she sees how high up we will be. I won’t repeat her words here on this blog…suffice it to say…the salesclerk and I had fits of laughter together over her reaction.
Experiential Healing
We join the group of people milling around outside who are part of our tour group. After we get our safety harnesses on, our guide takes us over to the base of the bridge walk located under the bridge.
Like good little children, we form a line and wait our turn to move forward and have our safety harness hooked up to the cable above the platform we will be walking on.
Hannah is behind me. While we are waiting, she is in my ear…panicking about what she is getting ready to do.
I am giddy about walking on the bridge…giddy about the fact Father has something for me to KNOW while doing this experience…and absolutely amused at Hannah’s plight she has got herself into.
It was extremely difficult not to laugh because I was bubbling over with joy about so many things on this little tour.
It ended well…she did indeed get her inner healing while at the halfway point on our two-hour tour walking under that bridge. Father spoke to both of us while on the bridge. An incredible experience for us both.
Vanessa
When I was sharing this with Vanessa, she informed me of a few things I found amusing.
One thing…she said…Hannah should have known better to say that to Father. She said…that is like saying to Crystal…here you can have the remote. Find something for us to watch while we are eating lunch. She then says…I will turn around and on the TV screen will be someone’s guts hanging out on the table. Then I won’t be able to eat my lunch.
I take it she doesn’t like my medical shows. 😂
The next thing she says…I have learned from you. I am careful what I ask Father for now. She was telling me when talking to Him now…she will say…listen…just to be clear…I am not asking for this…I am merely processing this with you.
Then she says…if I need to learn something…I say…give that to Crystal and have her teach me.
😳🤨🤯😂
This had me in stitches of laughter. I told her…sure…just pile the shit on Crystal. Crystal will be just fine.
Goodness!
Back to Hannah
When I moved in with her for the month of January, she wanted to do some inner healing work. We did. During this time, she wasn’t really getting much from Father. Very frustrating for Hannah. A discussion we have had many times. She wants more with little investment on her part. I tell her…that is a bit of the entitlement spirit at work there.
I said to her back in January…you told Father and I both…you wanted to do inner healing experientially…practically working it out in the situation as you go.
She barely let those words come out of my mouth before she interrupted me with this…waving her hands in the air…I took that back.
😂🤦♀️ I laughed at her while saying…it doesn’t work that way with Father. You said it dude…you meant it. It is written in stone now.
Wilderness Journey
It is the Wilderness journey the Bride of Christ must go through. Experiential learning. Experiential healing and growth. Working through the situations and the moments.
I had been telling Hannah…your healing is coming. It just isn’t here yet. Father has been telling her she needs to know Christ. The truth. She is going to get there. The Bride of Christ will get there.
As Vanessa says to Father…give it to Crystal and have her teach me.
This is what Christ needed from me.
My life makes so much more sense now. Each new truth He gives me about me…helps me to understand me…so much better. It is clearer.
He had told me…when this is over…ALL your questions will be answered.
Wow…He was telling the truth…cuz that is happening. The understanding has been pouring in.
He has always said…it is the greatest love story ever written. I figured He was saying I was going to be the one writing the story. 😂
I feel so loved. The current timeframe I am in according to dreams, visions, and words I have seen in the past makes me believe I am in the beginning of a romance stage. That is feeling true this morning.
I was already at peace about the work I have done over the last seven years…but this morning seemed to be icing on the cake.
But Wait
I think there is more! 😍 I believe so.
Still things I don’t understand so I am expecting more truth to come pouring in. Super excited at that thought. I can never get enough truth.
If some is good, and more is better, then too much is never enough. That is me. Too much truth is never enough for Crystal Ann. Love me some truth.
He can fill me to overflowing and I will be one happy clam. Drown me in His love…wow…what a way to die!!! Sign me up! I am 100% in for that plan.
There ya go…now we both know…Crystal has been meeting the needs of Christ…because she loves and cares for Him.
How about them apples? Pretty dang sweet don’t ya think?
I think!!!
Have a marvy freaking day!!! I am planning on it as well!
😉