Today, I decided I was ready to Rumble. 😜 Adding a new streaming platform into the mix here. Father says don’t despise small beginnings. Wow…that fits my situation. We are small and moving at the speed of slow. I may be small, but I sure am mighty. Mighty slow-moving here. 😂
Gotta have some humor to follow Father and His ways. He makes me want to pull all of my hair out some days. 🤷♀️
Since I am currently sitting here waiting on videos to upload in my new space…I thought…I should do a blog post. Kill two birds with one stone. Multitask. I can do two things at once. Look at me go!!!!!!! 😜
Kayaking
Hannah and I recently did our annual kayaking jaunt down the river.
It was wonderful…as always. SO much fun!
Somehow, I got saddled for a bit with a chatty young man while floating downstream. I learned some things I didn’t know I needed to know. He was an informative chap.
Afterward, I asked Hannah…can you get high from secondhand smoke…💨😂😂.
I am still not sure how I got trapped in his cloud for the length of time I did. He was a happy man and was happy to chat with me.
Dad
My dad had a lot of sayings he would say on repeat. So did my grandfather. Maybe this is why I repeat myself. Got it honest…came down the bloodline.
One of the things Dad would say is this…it takes all kinds to make the world go round.
The man on the river made me think of Dad and his saying. Dad’s sayings made me chuckle.
Another one that is humorous to me is this…there is someone for everyone.
Sometimes…we might think there isn’t…but people surprise you with the people they will pair up with. 😂 Have you ever looked at a couple and wondered how that match happened? BE HONEST!
Next time…think about the idea…there is someone for everyone. 😍 I do…and it makes me smile.
There ya go…compliments of Dad.
Preface
Had a sweet convo with Hannah today. Thought I would share it here.
Let me preface this by reminding you of the fact I am an extremist. Also…excessive in that extremism. I really can’t imagine being someone who has to live with me.
I am used to my lifestyle…but I live this. Sometimes I feel compassion for the kids because they have had to open up their homes to their homeless mother. This means…they have been in the fire with me…throughout this seven-year journey with Father.
Father’s schedule for me…is abnormal. I work 24/7. Many times I have went over 24 hours without sleep.
Sleep
I remember after Dad passed; I took a trip West for 34 days. Traveled 11,000 miles. Dad’s wife and I talked over the phone during the trip. She asked me one day…how are you doing what you are doing with the lack of sleep you endure?
The question shocked me…for two reasons. I didn’t realize she had been watching me and noticing the lack of sleep while living with her and Dad. I forget people actually see me…and the way I live. My focus is working.
The other reason was…I am so used to the lack of sleep…I never give it a thought. It is my lifestyle. When she asked me…it caused me to wonder how I live this life myself. 🤔
I try to be quiet as a mouse during the night when living with others. Vanessa and Bobbi say I am a bull in a China shop. 😂 They aren’t wrong.
Convo
This convo with Hannah started today with me apologizing for being annoying to live with.
Right now, I am recovering from that wicked virus I had weeks ago. The only thing left is a persistent cough. I finally broke down and got some herbal concoction that is supposed to kick it. I think it is working. However, the coughing has been EXTREMELY ANNOYING to live with.
I have felt like I needed to take a deep inhale and then cough up a lung on the exhale. This is what I have concluded…a nonproductive…dry cough is like dry heaving. I see no purpose in coughing or puking if nothing comes up. 🤷♀️ No point to the discomfort.
Hannah said she didn’t need the apology. 🥰
This tied in with another part of the discussion regarding living with me.
I am currently listening to Bad Wolves version of Zombies. It has been on repeat most of the day. When I started this song, I headed to the bedroom to get my earbuds. Hannah informed me…she wanted me to play it out loud.
I said to her…Hannah…you know I play these songs on repeat. Sometimes for 12 hours at a time. On occasion, Father will have me listen for two or three days until I get out of it every bit of life He wants me to glean from it.
Perplexing
Her response was perplexing to me. She said…I know how you function. The extremism can be a bit much at times…but that is why it is extreme.
She isn’t bothered by my songs on repeat.
It made me realize how much my kids have accepted the woman I am. They are used to the way I live, and it doesn’t faze them.
I marvel at that. Truly.
What is funny…I have my earbuds in listening to my song. Just a few minutes ago, Hannah came into the kitchen singing Zombies. 😂 It is stuck in her head now. Tickles my funny bone!
It is super relaxing to me to float downstream. Especially when you come to those small rapids…the sound they make is music to my ears. Beautiful!!!
Looking Back
Our convo today made me look back over the last seven years…specifically the worst portions of it.
During the worst of it, I apologized to my children for the fact since they were tied to me…they were getting the heat from the fire I was burning to death in. I remember Vanessa and Hannah comforting me with specific words.
They reminded me my fire was purifying them and their relationships too. It was exposing issues they all needed to deal with…so it was productive and positive even though we all hated every moment of it.
Looking back…the purification results are beautiful in my children. It was worth every moment of it. NEVER doing it again…but it was worth it. 😂
Moving Forward
I finally got the concept somewhere along the way…just keep walking. Keep moving forward. I knew at some point in time…the pain would go. It did. Just like giving birth…you forget the pain. You just enjoy the child you were blessed to give birth to…and you celebrate every year you have with them.
It is amazing to me how much pain a person can actually endure and still survive. Not only did I survive…I am thriving.
Life is good now and only going to get better. Each day brings new joy and happiness.
When you feel like giving up on life…don’t. Tomorrow might just be the breakthrough you needed. Even if it isn’t…it is one step closer to walking out of something negative/bad and into something positive/new that brings joy to your life instead of sorrow.
KEEP MOVING FORWARD!!!! There is hope. 💙🥰