Showtime

This showtime post has been sitting in my mind for several days now. Every day, I have wanted to sit down and write it. Every day, something has taken priority over the post. I am always amazed at how simply being a mother and grandmother keeps me busy each day. Not complaining…just stating. In my humble opinion, not a better job in the world. 😍

Got to hug my youngest son today. SUPER EXCITED to see him again…live and in person. Vanessa and I were scurrying to get his house cleaned before he arrived.

Didn’t make it. 😂

I knew we were in trouble when Donovan told us…”I spoke to him before I left for work this morning and he was in West Virginia. He drove through the night.”

He is his mother’s son. I would have done the same thing. 😜

The girls should arrive on Sunday. Going to be a SPECTACULAR reunion. Can hardly wait!!!!!

Disclaimer

Had to hit pause on the post. Family bonding time interrupted my writing. I thoroughly enjoyed watching Ahnalaya Ann with Mr. Mitchell Man. She couldn’t get enough of him. She helped him unload his car, and then followed him around wherever he went. I am not sure how many hugs that man got from her. She adores him. Super sweet to watch.

That being said, I am starting the post again this morning…Saturday. I AM GOING to get this post done today.

I have to share this bit of truth. There is a fountain of joy inside of me. It is super cool to experience. Ya know when you go to a splash park or those public fountains where the water comes out of the ground in bubbles at first? Then it blows a spout? That is what I feel. I feel the bubbles of joy bubbling inside of me. Crazy stuff man.

I keep thinking it is going to blow like Old Faithful. Boy, that is a super cool site to see. Old Faithful puts on quite a show. Loved watching it. I feel the show coming.

It is this wonderful giddy feeling I have bubbling from my heart. 💜 This is an important piece of the puzzle related to this post. 🥰

It is joy. His joy. I love it. Feels amazing to me. Never felt anything quite like the power of it. SUPER WONDERFUL!

I feel like singing that children’s song…I have the joy, joy, joy down in my heart…where…down in my heart…to stay!

Goodness. Hell was worth every bit of the pain to get this wonderful goodness bubbling inside me. 🔥😜🤷‍♀️

Where to Start

I am not sure where to start really. So many puzzle pieces, I can’t even keep track of them.

Let’s start here…I am the walking Word. The Bible made flesh. Sounds crazy I know. To the legalistic Christians…I am a heretic. A blasphemer. They want to burn me on the stakes. Too late…I was already nailed to the cross and crucified. I was burned at the stakes in the fires of Hell and the purifying fires of Heaven. You can’t hurt me now. You are only wasting your time and breath.

I have been living out many Bible stories over the years. Goodness…it is mind-boggling for real. Some stories have run consecutively. Others are running concurrently. Some are still in the queue to happen in the future. Seems like I am a time machine of sorts. Past, present, and future are all wrapped up in one tiny little body.

Have I mentioned before I live a crazy life? 😂

At times, I have thought maybe I was crazy. I remember sitting at a stop light in St. Louis one day years ago. While resting there, I asked Him…am I making this shit up?

His response was, “You are not smart enough, intelligent enough, or creative enough.”

😂😂😂😂 GOLDEN RESPONSE!!!! That was truth! I knew it. Made me feel better. It was indeed Him for I just don’t have what it takes inside to make this stuff up. What was really golden about this response was the fact I USED to say to Him…I don’t have a creative bone in my body. Left brain dominant for years. Really lacked on the creative side of life.

Showtime

This post is about the fact, it is showtime. The reason this post started percolating in my mind was a vision I saw early one morning. After a discussion about it with Father…He was clear with me…it is showtime.

Halle-f***ing-lujah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Over 20 years. Waiting. Working. LABORING! Wow…can’t come quick enough for me.

Layers of meaning to this term, right? I always say that. Father is the Great Recycler. He packs many meanings/definitions in one word. Picture. Story. One anything. Both positive and negative to all things. He is SO INTELLIGENT!!! BLOWS my mind! 🤯 He is amazing!

It hurts my brain. The brain pain over the last seven years alone has been excruciating. Constantly blowing fuses in my mind. Many times…the whole circuit panel goes completely dark. Short circuits the entire mind. All the rewiring…oh my goodness…so painful. Brutal…absolutely brutal.

I feel the need to say that again…so very painful. At times, I feel the need to remind Him of what I endured for Him. It helps me. 😜 I tell Him…He needs to build a memorial in my honor for what I endured for Him. Something extravagant for the whole world to see. Would hate for anyone to miss it. Don’t want Him to forget it. 😉 Gotta give Him a hard time. He earned it.

One reason it is showtime…it is a date. Think a date to the movies with your man. How fun is that!

Showtime #2

Just going to share a few showtime reasons here. There are too many to type up in this post. They would make many books each story alone. TOO MUCH to share here. Some things…I can’t share until they happen. Gotta crossover first. Then I can start revealing stuff happening behind the scenes. GIDDY…ABSOLUTELY GIDDY!!!!!! Just sayin’.

I am super excited about sharing the story. This is another reason…I KNOW it is showtime. I am ready to share. WOOHOO!!!! Getting excited about it. I have been telling the girls…I have never been in this place inside before. I may have shared this in a recent post. Not sure and not going to go search it out. Easier to simply type it up again. It is pertinent.

In the past, when Father is getting ready to put me through Hell…He warns me. He says certain things. Along with this, I FEEL doom and gloom inside. I intimately KNOW bad things are about to happen. It is ALWAYS WAY WORSE than I could have imagined it would be. ALWAYS WAY WORSE. This is a repeating pattern in my past. It is how He has worked with me. I KNOW when I feel doom and gloom…get ready. It is going to be beyond my imagination bad. 😩🥴😳

The exact opposite is happening now. I went from the negative to the positive. We have flipped a switch. I am giddy with glee and joy because I KNOW…I FEEL something EXTRAORDINARY and AMAZING is getting ready to happen for me in my life. It is beyond anything I could have asked for or even imagined. Miracles are on their way.

Kingdom Marriage

The other day, I was telling Christ…I want you and need you…as my knight in shining armor…to come and rescue this damsel in distress. I want and need you to sweep me off my feet, carry me across the threshold, and present me to Father. I need Him (my Second Adam) as my High Priest to remove the veil that separates me (Second Eve) from the supernatural realm. Only He can carry me across that Great Divide. I NEED to pass through the veil. This ole gal NEEDS to cross over the Jordan and into my Promised Land.

It is time for me to see what is on the other side of this experience. A long-time dream of mine. I was saying to Him…sweep me off my feet and carry me to our castle far far away. It is the fairytale, but truth. 🤩 I am ready to live happily ever after. Damn…I have earned it.

This is another reason, it is showtime. It is time for Him to show me the truth. All of it. This is what I have been working for and dreaming of for oodles of years. Ready to see the show. For Him to put on a show for me. Win my heart and drown me in His love…FOR ETERNITY. I can hardly wait to be united with Him in all things.

I have said on repeat for the last seven years…how did I get here. Now…that is a question, right? But…I have the answers to many layers of this question. At some point in time, I stopped asking and made it part of my lamentations.

The switch has flipped and now I am saying the same thing…how did I get here…but it is with a completely different attitude. I am giddy like…wow man…how did I GET here. With joy!!!! I am partnering with Christ as the Second Adam/Eve combo to bring life to the masses. WOW!!!!!!!!! Crazy good!

The Land of Goshen

Another showtime reason…I am ready to take my sons to the Land of Goshen.

Words can’t express my gratitude to my sons for how they have supported me during this time. Despite their own pain, their own misgivings about the last seven years, and their own issues with how Father works and who He is, they have taken care of me.

Reliable. Dependable.

These two men have been shaped and molded by getting close to the fires I have been living in.

Every penny they get from Father and I…they earned. They deserve it. Because they honored me…I will reward them.

It is my desire for them to experientially KNOW…intimately KNOW the rewards of obedience to Father. Radical rewards for radical obedience.

I need their switch to flip from a negative wow Mom…to a positive WOW MOM. Like adoration and awe WOW MOM. Speechless MOM. 😂🤨

I want my sons to KNOW obedience to Father is worth the pain and suffering they have witnessed.

It feels like it is time for this. Many reasons for that. Some of those are because of the current situation my kids are in. The pieces are coming together for our family.

Signs

Father is very clear about some things in His word. One…we don’t know the day or the hour. Also…we are supposed to watch for the signs.

Although I don’t know the hour of Christ’s coming for me, I am very clear about the signs of His coming for me. So many signs and so clear…I can’t miss them.

My career is about to begin as many things in my life have come to an end. It is time for a new beginning. That is true for me. The old has passed away. There is no other option BUT FOR the new to begin. This is logical and common sense for me. Preschool math. Easy peasy to understand.

Have I mentioned how GIDDY this makes me feel inside? 😜

Wilderness

Another showtime reason for me is this. I have this feeling I am moving. Moving into maybe another Wilderness period. However, this one is a positive one. I could be totally wrong…but I am feeling some kind of way. I think it is the Wilderness Way. Working to sort out what He is saying. Always…sorting wheat and tares.

Ok…let me share these details.

One…my male child is returning to Father in Heaven. That is factually happening behind the scenes.

In Revelation 12, I end up going to the Wilderness to be taken care of after this event occurs. It is a place of nourishment for me this time. I think this Wilderness experience is radically different than the first one has been. I think this one is a place of solitude and quiet.

One reason I think this is because I am desperate for my own place, my own space. We have discussed this on repeat. With the concept in my head of Him bringing me my long-awaited financial wages in mind, I have been looking at houses in the area. Contemplating purchasing a home locally. This is HUGE for me. Never thought I would be willing to settle down in this region by actually purchasing a home. For me to be at peace with this idea…Father. NOT my flesh.

Van Life

However, recently the idea of traveling in a van came up again. I am not sure what He wants me to do. Still trying to sort it all out.

The thought of the solitude that traveling in a van brings…is SUPER appealing to my heart.

I need a place and space to write. To do my thing…without the constant interruptions I have living in this area.

The idea of living out of a van, parking my rear end at a National Park, and enjoying that kind of view while writing…wow…that nourishes my heart in every way you can imagine.

Vanessa and I spent several hours the other day discussing this idea for me. I REALLY like it. For so many reasons.

I had considered hiring a chef to prepare several days of meals each week and put them in my frig. This way, I could hide out in an office and type.

When traveling out West, I would purchase several days’ worth of groceries. Then prepare and cook everything. Packaged in the cooler. This worked GREAT for traveling. I could pull a meal out of the cooler and eat it on the go. The thought of doing that again…goodness…makes me even more bubbly inside. Think effervescent. Light and airy.

It would be a dream come true. Become the travel blogger/vlogger I have been dreaming of…wowser bowser man!!!! No words to describe how that feels inside.

Not getting excited about it just yet. Still sorting it out. I think He might be saying it is time for me to travel. Not just the blog…but maybe me physically as well.

Storage Unit

The other day, He woke me up and said…get packed up. Get ready to go.

Didn’t have to tell me twice. I was up and moving.

I sorted things in my little space. Took some things to the storage unit…keeping only a few things in my space. I spent some time at the storage unit reorganizing it. Man…it was a mess.

It felt like I was preparing for something exciting and good. Preparing to leave.

Haven’t a clue what any of this looks like in either realm but I KNOW it is going to be good no matter what.

Every fiber of my being is ready to go. Can hardly wait for the adventure that awaits me. Too good to even imagine for me. Beyond my ability to wonder.

I believe my desire to have some peace to quietly think and write is an important piece of the puzzle. He is preparing me to begin writing. To begin teaching the Bride. I need a space with few distractions and an environment that is conducive to me writing in a beautiful place. Anything with trees and/or water…fits that bill for me.

Sign me up!!!!!

Christian Studies

Since I finished my studies of the Christian Religious System, I have been reflecting on different things Father and I discussed during the studies. Chewin’ and stewin’ looking for things I might have missed. Finalizing some questions I needed more clarity on. That kind of thing. Looking back and making sure I covered all the bases so to speak.

One thing that we discussed often was this truth that man builds their kingdoms out of selfish motives. SO MANY MOTIVES.

A motive that kind of astonishes me is really prominent in the Christian studies I did. Men and women building a “ministry” out of their triggerings. They call it a ministry and say “God” led them to start said “ministry.”

For example, one man has a “ministry” calling out false prophets and apostles in the NAR side of the C.R.S. It was hard to watch him. He would get so angry watching the false prophets prophesying. He would regularly apologize and try to calm himself on the videos. Sarcasm and mockery were common characteristics of his videos. His toxic traits were justified he said because the false prophets and apostles deserved it.

Another example is pro-lifers. They will passionately proselytize hoping to convert those who are pro-choice. The reasons for this vary…but some are doing it because they have aborted babies themselves. Some are just triggered by the murder of an unborn baby.

My struggle with this concept of mankind building a career, a “ministry,” a business out of triggerings…trying to make amends. Trying to find a solution…building their own manmade solutions…hard for me.

Warning people of the perils and dangers of choosing death…is good.

The Way

While we were discussing this…I had many questions for Father.

For me…I don’t want to labor in vain. These people building their own kingdoms on the appearance of good…is laboring in vain. Foolishness. I can’t do that.

There is a huge difference between the appearance of good…and good as Father defines it.

A reminder for me during this discussion…was a piece of a previous convo Father and I had a couple of years ago regarding inner healing.

There is a better way.

It ties into the picture with Hannah. I have mentioned before she used to say to me…ask Father for a shortcut. There has to be a shortcut. I thought and told her so…you are just being lazy. You don’t want to do the tedious work it takes. This was partially true at the time. No longer true. She has been working hard dealing with her stuff.

Also…there is a shortcut. Father told me later…I am the shortcut. Super shocking to me.

During these studies, I came to understand in a much clearer way, it is me SHOWing the people The WAY. Christ.

Second Adam and Second Eve coming together to show the world the truth.

Actions speak louder than words.

Life

I realized I am an expert…a pro…at converting death to life. I never labor in vain. This is my life. What I do.

The other day, I had to chuckle at myself. Since I moved back in with Hannah, we have had a number of hard conversations. She is learning and growing.

After a convo, I got up from the table and started doing the dishes. While the water was running, I started chuckling. Meanwhile, she was sitting there crying. She wondered why I was laughing. I told her…this is me…doing life coaching. It is what I do.

While all these false “prophets and apostles” who are also calling themselves “life coaches,” are out there making all this money. Being followed by thousands cuz they say what the itching ears want to hear…I am here telling you…you need to lay this down. You need to kill the flesh. Bring death to the flesh. I say harsh…very hard truths that bring tears.

I went over and hugged her. Held her and cried with her. Cried over her with my own tears. I shared with her my love for her. My desire to help her be better. To get through this. Although I lead people to their crucifixion, I also lead them to their resurrection with a new and improved life. True life. Not the appearance of life like the masses do.

Suffering

Another thing that made me shake my head in wonder was the comments. All these people believing they are suffering in the Wilderness for Father…instead of the truth. The truth is…they are suffering because of their disobedience to Father. Their suffering is a result of their rebellion.

These “prophets and apostles” are not only lying to the people but feeding the flesh of the people. Keeping them enslaved to their disobedience. Entrapment.

Horrible to sit back and watch this happening knowing what is transpiring.

I saw on repeat, different women who were marrying their “kingdom spouse.” They are being led astray by the wolves in sheep’s clothing…combined with their own selfish sinful desires. Add some sprinklings of their own lie-based belief system which is triggering them into a place of desperation…it is a concoction…a recipe for disaster in the making.

One woman shared she believed Father told her to give everything up and move. She did and now she is suffering because there is nothing there for her. Now she believes He abandoned her.

No…He didn’t lead you to that place.

My entire time in this Wilderness place, He has never had me move without first preparing that place for me to move to.

Father doesn’t lead man to a dead end.

If you were led to a dead end…a place of no provision…it wasn’t Father that led you to that place. It was the flesh…yours or another man’s…or the enemy.

Ready to Show the World

I am ready to show the world a better way.

The Way. His Way.

I KNOW The Way…intimately.

Super tired of watching blind Christians leading the blind to their slaughter.

I am feeling like it is showtime.

Time for Father to show me His glory. For me to in turn show the world His glory.