Over the last week or so, I have felt led to share my birth announcement. I have been waiting on Father’s timing. My M.O. is not to move until I am 100% convinced it is His command and His timing. The enemy has repeatedly tried to assassinate me over the years. Father warned me many years ago…I must be vigilant. What that vigilance means…never take ONE step outside of His boundaries for me. Radical obedience to Him keeps Crystal Ann Laura safe. Boundaries are designed to keep the good in and evil out. I must always wait for His timing. Go when He says go. Stay when He says stay. My life depends on it. The lives of my children depend on my obedience to Him.
I am currently struggling with the whole thing. Just being real here. I will share parts of my struggle below…along with the story behind some of the photos included.
Male Child
Let’s start with the birth announcement.
On the morning of February 5th, I gave birth to my male child…I think. It may have happened the first of 2022…still unsure of the exact timing. ⏱️🤷♀️🤔
What does that mean you wonder?
Me too. Parts of this saga are still unclear to me as of yet.
I am still shaking my head in perplexion over the last seven years of my life. My head stays in spinning mode. I live in the Twilight Zone for real. Indescribable to people. I got swept into a river starting in 2017 and it nearly took my life on repeat. Tumbling over waterfalls…under them…getting caught in whirlpools… fighting for breath…fighting for my life. At times, I gave up in despair to let the water take my life and end the nightmare. Father, Christ, and Holy Spirit…wouldn’t let me die…despite my begging.
I am still trying to sort out what happened, how I got here, what is happening to me daily, and where I am going.
One part I do know…I gave birth to truth. Christ in my spiritual womb.
Cutting the Cord
Mid-morning on February 5th, Father said to me…we are cutting the cord…severing the ties that bind.
Later that day, He said to me…the child had “to grow up.” I believed He meant by those words…the truth had to mature within me. The truth we had been laboring to build and birth.
I can’t tell you how relieved I was to hear those beautiful words. They were like music to my ears. I was in total agreement with Him. More than happy for Him to cut those cords.
Let me clue you in on a bit of truth here. I am always a miserable pregnant woman. Never did enjoy the pregnancy stage of child-rearing. I was one of those sick pregnant women you hear about who is sick for the entire nine months. Yep…misery. Never so glad to get those babies out of my body. THEN I was a happy woman.
This pregnancy was worse than carrying a natural child. Way worse. Beyond man’s comprehension.
Looking back over my life, I see pieces of the massive puzzle of Him warning me of this season of my life. Hindsight is 20/20 they say. Man…truth bomb.
Preparing Me
I remember a piece of it…have mentioned it somewhere on this blog. Oodles of years ago, I was outside working in the landscape. He interrupted my thoughts and said this to me.
“Crystal…you are a liar. You lie about little things. You lie about big things. You lie about everything. YOU are a pathological liar.”
WHOA!!!!!!!! Talk about getting an ass spanking. OUCH!!!!!!!
He gave me a bit to take that in…then He softly said…”I want you to be an honest woman. A woman of integrity.”
Ok…that felt a bit better.
There was a conversation with that. He was initiating a conversation with me, see?
I told Him…I have no clue what a lie is and what the truth is. You are going to have to make me that honest woman…a woman of integrity. Teach me. Show me how to be an honest woman…a woman of integrity.
He did. That was the point. I merely came into a humble place of submission and agreement with the work He wanted to do in me…and through me.
It was a hard work.
Fast Forward
Many years later…I can’t remember if it was 2016 or the summer of 2017. I have burned all my notes…not sure on the date. I was driving down the road and I saw a vision while He was speaking to me at the same time.
He said to me…”I want you to take every single thought captive.” That is what His word tells us to do…to take them all captive to Christ. The thoughts of man…our fleshly thoughts are to bow and submit to Christ…the truth. We are to lay our lie-based beliefs down at the feet of Christ and make an exchange with Him for His truth. Live by TRUTH.
I saw…in silver letters I think…gold or silver. The letters were in all caps and bold font. They had a golden…soft yellow, bright light (representing the light of Christ) around the edges of them and behind them. As He spoke each word…they popped up in 3D and were punctuated with a period at the end of them. He was emphatically emphasizing His words. Bold points. Important.
EVERY.
SINGLE.
THOUGHT.
I was gobsmacked. Horrified. Incredulous!
I said…are you serious? Do you have ANY idea how many thoughts I think in a day???? 😳🤯😫😵💫
That is impossible.
He reminded me…with Christ all things are possible.
I had already been working hard to do this very thing…so this was a whole new level I was stepping up into…lowering myself to. It made me sick to my stomach…the dread of what I was stepping into. My spirit man KNEW. I felt it.
Fall of 2017
The seed of Christ was planted within me. I will never forget those days in the beginning of this pregnancy. They have been permanently etched in my memory.
I had no idea what was happening to me but I felt the weight of it. The gravity. The dread inside was overwhelming. I tried pushing it aside…giving myself a pep talk…telling myself this was no big deal. I was overreacting to something.
My spirit KNEW.
My spirit always KNOWS.
I have learned the hard way over the years to trust not only my gut…my soul’s intuition but my spirit’s intuition as well. I seem to learn the hard way. 🤷♀️
Chanukah
I remember three days before Chanukah in December of 2017, Father had me fast. During that fast, He had me working. I spent those three days with very little sleep…no food…and cried buckets of tears. I have cried a river of them these last seven years…glad He bottles every single one of them up because He owes me something for them all. 😜 EVERY. SINGLE. TEAR. 💙
While I was working and fasting…I had not thought about the connection of Chanukah coming up in a few days. I was absorbed in Hell. Consumed by what was happening to me. The depth and volume of pain…darkness. I remember the evening Chanukah started…He said to me…eat. You can eat now. The fast is over. I was so weak in every possible way…I asked my son Mitchell to fix me some food.
He did…and brought it to me sitting on the floor in my bedroom.
While I was eating…the connection to Chanukah appeared in my mind. As I thought about Chanukah…I knew it was about purification. Purifying the temple. Oil…lights.
I nearly threw my food up. I felt sick to my stomach again. It hit me…my three days in Hell were not over…they had only begun. I realized I had started a long period of purification. He was purifying my temple with the oil of intimacy and the light…truth of Christ.
The seed He had planted in me…was just beginning to grow.
NYC
The pictures are from a trip Hannah and I took to NYC in December of last year…2023. We drove out a few days before Christmas. This was our second trip during the holiday season.
I had been feeling like I was going to head to NYC again. Wasn’t sure why or what I would do there while there, but I was feeling it. I knew it was Him.
Early one morning, I was thinking…I NEED to get to NYC…gotta go. I sat down to do a blog post on our last NYC trip believing He wasn’t going to let me head to the city. I knew I didn’t have the money to get there…but knew in my heart…I had to get there.
While I was looking for pictures to post, Hannah called me. NOT like her to call me so early in the morning. I asked her what was up…she said…I think I am supposed to go to NYC and wanted to know what you thought Father was saying.
STUNNED!
I asked her when she felt like she was supposed to go…she said…tonight.
I said…let me talk to Father about it. It was Him saying go…go now.
Immediately, I packed my clothes for the trip and ran out the door. I was driving from Northern Michigan to get to Southern Indiana before the evening so we could drive all night to be in NYC the next morning. Wow…have I mentioned I live in the Twilight Zone? 😂
Fairy Tale
Another piece of this massive puzzle I call my LIFEstyle…is a fairy tale. I am not kidding when I say there are a multitude of facets to this story. Layers. A gazillion pieces to the puzzle.
Think Joseph who was thrown into prison despite the fact he was not guilty…falsely accused. Think Job who became the center of attention between Father and Satan. A man used to prove a point. Those are two small pieces of stories within the massive story of my life. I have lived a prophetic portion of those two men’s lives as well.
In 2017, I was thrown into a nightmare. A dungeon. A prison. Paying for crimes I didn’t commit…think Christ. Crucified as an innocent man.
Part of that prison was being trapped inside of a fairy tale. A story. A battle for truth. A battle between Christ and Satan.
Part of my NYC trip was for Father to continue educating me on the fairy tale. It was a vital part of receiving my crown. He wanted to educate me on how man builds their own stories…false narratives…fantasies…lives…versus how He builds a life. Lies and deception versus the truth. He builds true stories…true love stories…not fantasies like man does. Love equals truth. Christ is both…the same. There is no love story outside of Christ. If you build without Christ…you are building a “life…and love” on the sand like the foolish man.
Battle for My Heart
When Hannah and I walked up to this heart display, Hannah asked me what it represented to Father. I began to pour out many truths about this display. So many layers of truth in what is depicted here with the heart held captive in the box. Represents captivity…idolatry…adultery. Slavery of the heart mankind is currently in. Hearts and minds held captive to the lies and deception they feel and believe.
A small layer…representation… of my own walk is about the battle between Satan and Christ for my heart.
I am hoping when I meet Father, He will rewind for me the conversation He had with Satan about this battle they all decided to put me through. I think it would be an interesting conversation to hear. We got a glimpse of the convo they had about Job. I want to be enlightened on the convo they had regarding me.
I won. Did not die. I did not quit…although I tried many times.
Crystal Ann Laura persevered. Endured.
I believe the freedom was worth it.
Marriage
While in NYC, Father said to me…you will be married by Christmas.
Wow…ok…haven’t a clue what that meant.
It did happen in my heart…in the fairy tale I have been trapped in.
Think Disney’s movies…there you will find me.
I told Father…I want to own Disney…they have made a shit ton of money on my story. I need to own the company myself and get the benefits of my money.
Think Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Rapunzel, Moana, Encanto, Frozen, etc. I am not kidding when I say I live in the Twilight Zone. I have been living those stories out in real-time. Crazy stuff man. Crazy stuff.
Since the marriage…I have been asking Father…how do you define marriage? What is marriage to you? What does it look like? How does this work? What is it all about to you? I have oodles of questions regarding marriage.
His definition is different than mankind’s…His ways and thoughts are not like ours. It is arrogant to assume otherwise. You know what the word assume represents, right? It is the saying…it makes an ass…out of…u…and me. Ass…u…me. I try not to assume with Him. Never ends well for me. Never. 🤦♀️
Kingdom
I know in part…this thing has been about Kingdom marriage. Me…as the Second Eve…marrying…Christ…the Second Adam. The two of us communing in the Garden of Eden…love and intimacy. Me…loving the truth…giving birth to that which I love. All about the heart, right? Becoming one in heart so He and I can be life partners to speak the truth to mankind. Think Moses…Isaiah…setting the captives free…delivering the slaves from the slave masters.
It is about the Rider of the White Horse…preparing the horse to carry Him…His message of truth. I feel sufficiently bridled. This horse has been broken. Didn’t think I was that wild before, so I am unsure why we had to go through such violent training. 🤔🤨 I am quite confident He will enlighten me by the time this is over.
Ivy
Here is another piece of this puzzle.
Before I went to Washington D.C. back in the spring, Bobbi and I were seeking Father together over the phone. We were asking Him a number of questions that day.
One…was I supposed to drive to D.C?
Two…what was I going to D.C. for? I wanted to know the purposes of the trip.
For me…I am good when I not only KNOW the truth…but have UNDERSTANDING of that truth. I NEED to KNOW why. It is who He created me to be. I have to understand truth as well as having truth.
I have mentioned that before…wisdom, knowledge, discernment, understanding, love, tact, humility, and emotional wholeness. Those are 8 things I asked for on repeat for oodles of years.
I typically google things to see what Father has to say when I read what is written. He always has something to say. 😉
D.C. Trip
Father was saying to Bobbi and I both…I had to get to D.C. Many purposes to the trip. Layers…again…always.
While we were seeking Father together, Bobbi saw a vision of ivy. She looked it up on the internet and sent me some screenshots of what she saw.
I told her then…wow…that is weird because Hannah once made a Pinterest board for the two of us. On it, she pinned some photos of ivy rings. The ivy is important to this story for some reason. We didn’t understand what He was saying, but I knew to watch for ivy. Ivy had become more significant to me when Bobbi saw it through her spiritual eyes.
During my trip to D.C., Father had me attend a service at the National Cathedral. While there, the Cathedral had quite a bit of ivy on it. In that post, I mention the significance of the ivy as well. He was building, see? Layers of ivy alone in this story.
Swarovski Crystals
When Hannah and I travel together, she allows me to lead. She follows along. She knows I flow with Father every step I take, and it works for me. It keeps our trips pleasurable and she is a fan of watching me listening to Him and following His lead. It keeps life interesting. 😂
This means…I have the itinerary. One morning, I said…we have to get to Tiffany & Co. I felt like I was maybe supposed to purchase something there, but wasn’t sure. Wasn’t sure how I was going to pay for it either…but I follow His lead. I just do whatever He tells me to do. I am a well-trained dog…a broken horse…a bit in my mouth and I go where He steers me to go. 🤷♀️
We head in that direction after we leave the hotel. Along the way, we stopped in some stores. Gucci, Coach, Michael Kors, etc. I told Hannah, we have to go into Swarovski too. We did. I met a wonderful saleslady in there. She was a hoot. Gave us a tour of the joint. I was having a ball with her personality. After the tour, she hands us off to another saleslady.
Hannah wasn’t impressed with the convo and was ready to move on. However, Father wanted me to stand firm on something, so I finished the convo out. This woman was working hard to sell me lab-created diamonds. I mentioned to her…I am not into fake. Not fake anything. Crystal is all about natural. Real. Nature. Natural. She kind of got that from the hiking boots on my feet. 😂
Counterfeit
She was telling me…they are chemically the same. I listened to her sales pitch quietly. During my turn in the dialogue, I shared with her my reasons for having no desire for the counterfeit things of life. I understood there is a place for man-made things and fake…counterfeit things in this world. Some people are ok with fake. Ok with the counterfeits…lies and deception. The false narratives…the fantasies…but this ole gal… wants real. I want the truth. Want what is real…not what is fake. I don’t want to live in a fantasy. A man-made delusion.
Like the Holodeck on Star Trek. Man creates in the laboratory of their minds…this fantasy of who they are and how they want their life to look. They build their own story. Write their own book of life. I tried that years ago. I suck at it. Every decision I made was death. Caused myself nothing but misery and nothing to show for it but a wasted life.
The conversation was for me. Father wanted to me stand firm on the idea of natural vs. man-made. Fantasies and fairy tales vs. true stories. It had a greater purpose than merely a convo about diamonds created in a lab by the hands of men vs. diamonds created by Father in nature. It was one piece of the puzzle in my battle for the truth. One small piece of the puzzle as to why I had to be in NYC.
Stand
I had to stand on the truth about crystals…Crystal. Gems. Gemstones. Diamonds. Etc. I had to stand for Father. Crystal Ann Laura would rather pay the higher cost of having the truth…what is real…natural…created by Father…than to be free, cheap, and easy. Fake, counterfeits, and man-made is free, cheap, and easy. Easy come, easy go. You get what you pay for.
Father is worth the cost. Christ and the truth He contains within…is worth the price I have had to pay. His Spirit…is worth it.
I thoroughly enjoyed the conversation we had. Hannah was patient with us…but so ready to get out of there. Got to hear all of her thoughts about it when we left. 😂 Highly amusing to me.
Tiffany & Co.
Next stop on the itinerary. At the door, I said to Hannah…I am going to purchase something here…not sure what, but it felt right to me by then.
I noticed they had remodeled since the last time I had been in the store. It was gorgeous!!!
We start looking in the cases and almost immediately I see the ivy ring Hannah had pinned on Pinterest two years before. NOT kidding. Had forgotten about that ring. Was clueless the ring was from a Tiffany collection. I hadn’t looked at the Pinterest board since she created it. Even then, I hadn’t read who was selling the ring.
My suspicion…this is what I am supposed to purchase. I pointed it out to Hannah and said…let’s keep looking but I think that is it.
After perusing each of the general public floors in the store, I was settled on the ivy collection. Hannah and I found a saleslady to try the ring on.
Our Purchase
When I tried the small ring on…I wasn’t a fan. It didn’t feel right on my hand. Something was off. Our salesclerk told me I should try on the larger ring and see what I thought of it. So, I did. That was it.
Unbeknownst to me, Hannah was thinking of purchasing the smaller band. We made our decisions. While the clerk went to fetch our rings in the back, I was seeking Father on how He wanted me to pay for the purchases. I purchased two items He had told me to get. In my head, I knew the amount the two items rang up to…was more than He wanted me to spend. So I am asking Him…where did I go wrong here? Something is off.
Hannah has no idea I am having this conversation with Father because this is going on between Father and I in my head.
Suddenly, Hannah says to me…I am supposed to purchase your ring for you. You are supposed to buy mine and then we are supposed to exchange them.
WOW!!! Well…there ya go. Now I know.
It was the right amount of money He was telling me.
Crazy stuff man…crazy stuff.
It was a mother-daughter ring exchange.
I was investing His money into her…also the Bride of Christ as Hannah is a prophetic picture of Her. She…the Bride was prophetically investing in me…the Mother of the Bride. Even better…I paid for our first trip to NYC…Father had Hannah pay for our second trip. The two of us investing in one another. So cool.
Crazy stuff man…crazy stuff.
Twilight Zone material.
Back to the Ivy
Ivy has deep meanings in this whole story.
Fidelity. Loyalty. Faithfulness. Binding.
Being bound one to another in the hearts by the vine Himself. Christ is the vine that holds us all together. He is the vine that produces the grapes…the blood of the covenant. The wine. The love…His love that intoxicates our hearts for Him. Drinking from Him…His wine…is intoxicating. Smells divine. Tastes divine. Beautiful flavors.
It is about covenant. Life. Eternal. Eternity. Eternal life. Bound for life…together.
For reasons still unknown to me…Hannah and I get to walk out prophetically a covenant agreement of futuristic relationships I will have with other spiritually adopted and spiritually birthed daughters. The Bride and Body of Christ Himself. Male and female. Both genders. A set of twins I get the privilege of spiritually adopting and giving birth to.
Struggles
I said at the beginning of this post, I would share a bit of my struggles. I mentioned in my last post on Great Responsibility, I feel the burdens…daily. Have for many years. It started long before the male-child pregnancy began.
It started the day I found out I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. Then…I knew I was a toxic, immature, dysfunctional, child…who was now supposed to raise a child. A child raising a child is a disaster in the making. I had to grow up and get healthy in every way or I was going to ruin the children I was destined to raise.
I felt the responsibility in that moment…I was responsible for raising a soul. An eternal soul. A soul dependent on me to direct it into eternity…in a positive direction.
Parenting is the MOST IMPORTANT job you will ever have. Being a CEO of a company is nothing compared to the responsibility of parenting an eternal soul.
There is no greater responsibility and privilege than to lead a soul to Heaven. There is no greater nightmare than to abdicate your role as a mother or father leading your child’s soul to Hell. You will pay for that…for eternity.
Positive or negative. Eternal life or eternal death. You get to decide.
Truth
Daily…I wonder how I got here. Father and I have discussed this topic on repeat over the years. I realize I am merely partnering with the three whom I love the most…Father, Son, and Spirit. That is truth. Also though, I am included in that equation.
Over the years, I have worked hard regarding the responsibility of getting this right. Doing it the right way. His way. Righteousness. Justice. Honor. Speaking the truth and only the truth.
I don’t want to mislead people. Don’t want to lead them wrongly.
Why?
Because their soul is at stake.
For me, this is NOT about money. Power. Fame. Accolades. Identity. Applause. Ego.
To me…the stakes are eternal…multiplied by exponents. Multiplied by billions of eternal souls. This is generational to me. Not just about today…but also tomorrow. I am a visionary…always thinking about the future. Future generations.
The responsibility I felt the moment I intimately understood what my motherhood meant in value and worth to the soul of the unborn child in my womb…to me…I multiply that by billions. The pressure overwhelms me to tears at times. The burden. The gravity. The weight of it.
I have said on repeat to Father…give me what I need to do what you need me to do.
I don’t know what else to say about that. It is too important to f*** it up. YOU are too important to me to f*** it up. Your soul matters to me.
There ya go…now ya know. 💙