Bored

I am bored out of my mind. Just going to be frank about it here. I feel like my work is done. 30-plus years of working my fanny off and now I have come to a screeching halt. 🤯 I am not sure if I have ever mentioned on this blog that I am a workhorse. I LOVE to work. Sitting still or sitting around…Crystal Ann doesn’t do well with it. Let me tell you…I have done hours of inner healing on sitting still and I still am not on board with the notion.

I remember years ago, I had an accident dirt-bike riding in the mountains of TN. The bike went down and I made the mistake of putting my hands out to catch myself. Shattered the wrist into pieces. As a result, I had an external fixator attached to that wrist for weeks. It was my right wrist…my dominant arm.

Goodness!!!!

I wasn’t supposed to drive. Typing was ALMOST impossible due to the angle the doctor positioned the wrist. Wiping was difficult, washing my hair was difficult, everything was difficult. It led to Crystal Ann’s attitude being difficult. Thankfully, I am considerate of the people around me…I just spew my frustration to Father. I learned during that time, one of my issues was thinking my value and worth came from what I accomplished. He fixed that issue. He fixed a lot of issues during those weeks. Eventually, I figured out how to type with the fixator on, and how to get other things done.

The accident was a valuable lesson for me. Every moment of your life is a well of opportunities to learn lessons about something. I try not to waste them. Especially the painful ones.

Time

I am trying to make this time restful. Boy oh boy…that is a hard work for me.

I have tried to watch a bunch of different TV shows and movies to pass the time. I sort of watched The Matrix. Couldn’t finish it.

Told Vanessa…going to do a Marathon of the Mission Impossible movies. She looked skeptical. I got through one. It was all I could do. She KNEW that wasn’t going to work for me. 😂

I started Rambo. Feeling a bit nostalgic so I thought I could do that one. Lasted 10 minutes…shut er down.

Started Presidio…shut it down.

Started the Great British Bake Off…which I do love…but shut it down.

Tried Parks and Rec…lasted less than 5.

The list of shows and movies I have considered…LONG. Same with YouTube.

I have scoured Netflix, Paramount Plus, Peacock, Hulu, Prime, and Disney and I can’t find a thing suitable to watch. 🙄

Did I mention sitting is hard?

Finished

The great thing about this…I finally have peace about it all. Total peace. I am good to go. AMAZING for me.

THAT is just one reason why I feel like my work is finally finished. No more stress. Just peace.

My mind is clear. Father is not hounding me with topics to work through. Not pushing me AT ALL. It is like we parked the vehicle, and we are just sitting here waiting.

It would be better if sitting was easier for me. 😂

Vanessa has been grumpy for the last week or so. Her complaint…she says it feels like we are just waiting. She was waiting…I was working. Now I am waiting with her. Trying hard not to be grumpy about sitting.

Grandma

Yesterday, Archer finally learned how to say Grandma. Brought my heart JOY. Music to my ears. Now…it is his favorite word. He loves saying it. He is on repeat with it. My kind of child…Grandma loves the concept of repeat. I live my life by it. The truth is worth repeating.

Vanessa thinks the world should see how I interact with my grandkids. I guess I am entertaining for her. Typically, at my birthday parties the girls plan for me, Hannah has a tradition she follows. While we are sitting around the table, everyone has to tell me one way/thing I have impacted their life…by teaching them…showing them…etc. One year, Vanessa said…you taught me how to play with Ahnalaya. It was sweet.

I had no idea she was learning that from me. She was watching me play with them and learning it was important in parenting. Also…how to go about it. It seems shallow to some, but it is an important part of family life. Gotta play too.

It Works

So, I did.

I had a nap time routine. After lunch, I would take her to the bathroom, read her several books, and then sit with her until she was asleep.

It was my favorite time with her. She was super sweet. I would always sit beside her cot to read the books. As soon as I was done with the last book, she would do the exact same thing each time. Little Esme would say goodnight…then roll over onto her left side. I would lay my hand over her eyes…and within minutes she was out.

Crazy! So easy.

I told the girls…that child needs a mask to put over her eyes.

They bought her one!!!!!!! 😂 😍 Makes me smile to see the photo of her asleep with it on. Reminds me of our time spent together getting her to sleep. Such a sweet sweet little girl.

I love it…SO VERY MUCH! Adorable.

I guess she loves it. Feeling led to share the snaps Bobbi sent of the girls. Missing my other two grandgirls.

Mavis and Esme are super sweet little girls. So full of life and joy.

To Do

When my kids were young, they learned not to say to me…I am bored. As soon as they said that…I would say…great…I have some jobs you can do for me.

Not kidding.

They learned quickly to find something to do. They did. We have many stories of crazy adventures they went on as a result of learning how to play and occupy themselves. Doubt I will ever share those. Living in the country is a much different life than city life. In hindsight, I question my parenting choices at times after some of the stunts those kids pulled. Thankfully, Father always kept the kids safe. 🤷‍♀️

I never thought I would be in this place of saying…I am bored. I am someone who can occupy self…always had mental work to do if nothing else. Today…is a new time for me. A whole new day. Crazy stuff.

This Morning

This morning sometime…while sitting there trying to figure out what I was going to do…I heard Father say…strap yourself in. You are getting ready to be launched…into the stratosphere.

He reminded me of an experience I had once. It was a long time ago. Maybe a decade???

I was in bed on my back. Suddenly, I saw Father’s hand come out of the ceiling and down to my body. His index finger was pointed down at me. His finger went through my skin…into my body…and touched my heart. When it touched my heart…I felt an electrical shock. Then…the hand went back up through the ceiling again. Just gone. With the hand was a bright light. It was like a lightning bolt struck my heart and then left. Quite a shock for me.

I said to Him…what just happened to me…and why did you do that?

No answer. Never got an answer from Him. So odd. I tell you…I live in the Twilight Zone…24/7.

I looked at that experience again this morning and then I saw my heart being touched again. This time, the touch was warm. A bit like fire, and then it spread out in a wave from my heart throughout my entire body. Much like an earthquake has an epicenter and then the waves spread out. What was crazy was…I saw it…but I also felt it. My heart got warm…and the heat spread out throughout my body.

Weird experience…but I have grown accustomed to them. 🤷‍♀️

Uncertainty

There are many moving pieces in this puzzle…and I am clueless as to how He is going to make this all work.

I know my life is getting ready to radically change…forever.

He keeps saying unrecognizable. I am uncertain what that means or looks like.

Man…I am ready for the changes…the whole family is. We are all waiting to see what is getting ready to transpire for us. So many promises…YEARS of promises piled up. Excited to see how He brings them to me. It feels like Christmas time…lots of gifts to open.

Hope…hope is in my heart. I feel like something good is about to happen for me finally. Not sure what and how…but I feel it. My gut finally says…it is time, and it is coming. My Lion King is coming. I believe that. 😍 Hoping it is my crowning moment.

❤️💙👑👸