Coming Home

Hannah, Esme, and I did a lunch date a couple of days ago. We had a wonderful day together. Spent the afternoon outside in the nice weather. While in town, I wanted to walk the trail. Haven’t done much walking since I hurt my foot. Still dealing with some swelling and pain on occasion. While walking the trail, Father started serenading me with Mama, I’m Coming Home by Ozzy Osbourne.

Made me smile. It brought up an old memory for me with a relative. Her ring tone for me was Ozzy’s Crazy Train. She knew I loved that song. So fitting to my life. I have been riding a crazy train for sure. 😂

Once I started walking that trail, I got a hankering to swing on the swings at the Lock and Dam. Hannah and Esme wanted to veer off and sit at the river. I told them…I am marching on. The two of them later met me at the park.

I spent that entire walk listening to Ozzy sing those words on repeat. My intention was to suck every bit of truth/life out of what Father wanted me to know through that song.

He has been playing it on repeat since that time. In addition, He has added a few other songs to build the picture He wants me to see. Carrie Underwood singing Jesus Take the Wheel. Chapel of Love by The Dixie Cups. Lastly, Poor Man’s Poison’s version of Wayfaring Stranger.

I believe one piece of this puzzle is…my Male Child is coming home. So am I. Love this idea. Completely on board with it. Makes my little heart pitter patter with anticipation. Makes me a happy woman. 💕

This Post

I have two reasons why I am doing this post. The first one is always the same…Father told me to. Remember I am that obedient dog. I do what He says no matter what it costs me. Always.

The second reason is…I need to move forward with a dilemma I am currently in. I feel like if I do this post and explain it…share it…He will move me forward after I hit publish. He works that way. If I obey, I get a treat. Much like a dog. 🐕🐶🍗🦴 This little doggie gets a bone after she obeys the Trainer/Master. I NEED my treat…so I am going to obey. 😜

1992

I realize parts of this are repeats on this blog. 🤷‍♀️ Just call me repeat.

To summarize a portion of this problem…

It was back in 1992 that I entered into the betrothal covenant with Jesus Christ. Doing the math here…subtracting 2025 from 1992…we come up with the number 33. We are at 33 years here of intimacy with Father/Christ/Holy Spirit. A LONG time. Wowser bowser, it has been an arduous road.

There are no words to express and/or describe what a journey this has been. It is incomparable to any other journey any other human being has encountered. This is one reason I have been reluctant to share my life with others. People want to tell me they KNOW what I have experienced and/or can relate to me in some way. In some physical situations on a very shallow level…there is truth to a tiny smidgeon of that statement…but mostly…NOT.

It is easier for me…to NOT share…then I don’t have to hear those words.

It feels similar to when Christians say they know “God.” 🤦‍♀️

Although I keep my mouth shut, I want to say…no…you know the god you created, but you don’t know the Creator.

Driven

As soon as I entered that covenant, I was a driven woman. Driven to KNOW. To know love. To know intimacy. What I wanted was to KNOW Father/Christ/Holy Spirit in a way no human being has ever known them…past, present, and future. I wanted the heart. His heart. Their heart. I wanted every fiber of their bodies. This driving FORCE was Him. His Spirit. He has pushed me at times. Pulled me at times. Carried me at times. Drug me through the mud at times. At times, made me sit.

One small part of the pain over the thirty years has been that driving force. It is all-consuming. Unrelenting. I stepped into the fire and it became my home. There was never any rest from it. The work never ceased. The fatigue of mind is indescribable. There is nothing on Earth to compare it to.

I was being pushed toward a goal…a date and time. The hunger in me…never waned. The hunger pains pushed me forward when my mind was completely fried.

The unrelenting, all-consuming drive is something mankind can’t understand.

Always…always…24/7…I had to KNOW. When I say KNOW, I mean…intimately KNOW a gazillion different things…all the time…at the same time.

I lived with what I lovingly, and not so lovingly, call a question queue. My questions were endless. The list would only grow longer as the days went by.

On this blog somewhere I share the story of a convo Father and I had once many years ago. Off the top of my head, there are only two times that I can remember where He was angry with me. This story was one of those times. The second one I also shared was when He was saying I was Deborah…yet I was struggling with man’s indoctrination that women aren’t allowed to teach men.

Teacher

Both of these instances, I got my ass spanked…HARD. He silenced me…in a way He has never silenced me at any other time in my existence.

To reshare that story here…is important, I think.

It was in the middle of the night while I was in bed talking with Him. I was frustrated with Him about the lack of knowledge I had. He wasn’t answering my questions in the time and manner I wanted them answered. As always, I was expressing my feelings about the matter. I have never had an issue with holding back from Him what I really think and/or feel. 😂

This is how He silenced me. In an angry tone of voice, He said…you will learn what I teach you, when I teach you, and in the order I teach you. That is quoting Him. Will never forget that moment…ever. 😳

Oh boy! It was the first time I had ever heard Him use that angry tone of voice with me. Didn’t want to hear it again. He was NOT pleased with the arrogance within me. I realized pretty quickly what I was doing was expecting/demanding He bow to me instead of me bowing to Him. Crystal Ann wanted it done my way and, in my time…not His way and in His time. I don’t recommend using that kind of attitude with Him. 🤦‍♀️ Gets you in trouble…fast.

It was a good lesson. He was the Teacher. I was the student. There ya go. Now ya know. 🤷‍♀️

Fast Forward

This set me up…for the years to follow. Although my question queue continued to grow, I had to wait on His timing and order to get those questions answered.

One small measure of the pain. Always driven to know all these things…hungry…full of passion, desire, thirsty…yet always waiting. Always wanting. Starving…always.

For people to tell me I don’t have patience…is ridiculous on so many levels. You can’t imagine the measure of the fruit of patience I contain within my three bodies. Incomparable. For real.

As the years passed, Father would teach me. He has usually taught by topics. We might work on the topic of being yoked for months. Then we switch over to a different topic. Sometimes we work on several topics at the same time. At times, we will circle back around to an old topic.

Each topic has many layers to it. Each time I would circle back to an old topic, I would gain a greater level of understanding, added to the knowledge and understanding I had previously. I discovered this process solidified the truth within me. It became like an immovable mountain. Mountains as the topics spread out into other areas of life.

Maps

In the above pictures, you will see a few of the maps I was talking about in a previous post somewhere on this blog. Father had me share these two photos of a few of the maps I have been building behind the scenes.

I am not sure why I am building these things. In OneNote, I have a notebook for ALL the topics I have learned over the years. In it, I have lots of illustrations I have drawn along with my notes. For some reason, He isn’t allowing me to use that program. Hasn’t in quite some time. Instead, He is having me build these maps of the Kingdom of Heaven on paper. I am redrawing what I already have in OneNote. He has His reasons. 🤷‍♀️ In His favor, I am adding a few things…and seeing some things even clearer.

I am taping together copy paper to build some of the different layers of His Kingdom…in Hell, Heaven, and on Earth.

These maps are double sided. There is info on both the front and back.

Topics

To give you a small idea…a tiny portion…of the topics included on the maps…which depict the Kingdom of Heaven…I will include a list of some of them.

• Christ as the Door
• The Threshold Covenant…crossing over from one realm to the other.
• The Marriage Covenant…yoking…man to woman in the natural realm. Also…Christ and His Bride in the spirit realm.
• Father’s Government
• His Judicial Branch…about justice. Crime and sentencing. Balancing the scales of justice.
• His Legislative Branch…law related.
• Father’s Executive Branch…His Presidency.
• Yoking…clean and unclean
• Father’s Financial System…everything accounting related. Father as the Accountant.
• Father Time…past, present, and future tense. The movement of time. Directional.
• The heart…Father/Christ/Holy Spirit…Satan/demons…Mankind.
• The mathematical quadrants of existence.
• All things related to the three bodies that we exist in as mankind. His three bodies…plus the body of Christ.
• His temple. School. House. Covenant community.
• The Garden of Eden.
• The Tree of Knowledge
• The Tree of Good and Evil
• Adam and Eve. The Second Adam and Eve. The Bride and the Bridegroom
• The Priesthood…both in the Old and New Covenants

You get the picture.

Those maps are a physical picture representing an enormous amount of mental pain for me. Doing the spiritual math to work out those math story problems over the years…no words for that. Seriously. The mental math equals mental pain, suffering, and exhaustion times years. That doesn’t include the physical and spiritual pain and suffering I had to endure to unlock each of the truths contained in those teachings.

Dilemma

SO, this leads me to my dilemma. I NEED this to end. I have to cross over that threshold.

It feels like I am on the edge. The precipice. The verge.

Here is how I was describing it to Hannah this morning.

Father once gave me a vision of what He calls…the fog of deception in this world. Man…it was bad. You could not see your hand when you put it right in front of your eyes.

Father/Christ/Holy Spirit and I have been working together…co-laboring for over 30 years now to get me out of that fog of deception. Man…has that been a WORK! EXHAUSTING…in every possible way a human being can be exhausted.

It reminds me of walking through clouds while hiking on a mountain top years ago. Crazy experience. WONDERFUL experience. One I will never forget.

It is like the cloud is mostly gone…just maybe a thin layer of it in front of me.

It feels like I can see the overview of the Kingdom of Heaven…yet I can’t see it clearly. I know that probably makes no sense to the reader. Hard to describe what I see.

It is like I am looking at Heaven through a sheer curtain. I can see through that curtain…but it is annoying. I need the curtain torn down in order to see it all and see it clearly.

Also…like a bridal veil. It is as if I am standing at the altar in front of my Husband with my wedding dress on. I have a bridal veil over my eyes, and I just need my Husband to remove the veil covering my face. If He would just lift that veil up…I could see everything clearly.

Scale

Oodles of years ago, I started saying to Father…I want to enter into Heaven, and I want a tour. I want a tour of it all. Heaven, Hell, and even throughout the Earth. For me, I need to see it all, know it all, and understand it all. Need to see, know, and understand how it all works. Together and separately.

It is like the bodies. I have always said…I need to know everything about the physical body, the soul body, and the spirit body. Individually…how they all work independently…but then also…how they interact with each other. How they are intertwined with one another. I also needed to know the same about His body. Who Father/Son/Spirit are independently and how they work together. How they are intertwined and interact with one another.

In addition to that, I wanted to see, know, and understand The Bride of Christ…Her body as a community. How She functions independently and then how She interacts as a community. Add to that…how She then interacts with Christ. How they would be intertwined.

Over the years, I have wondered if my drive for wisdom, knowledge, discernment, and understanding of the truth…both good and evil…was a blessing or a curse. So much pain involved in the pursuit of the Truth. Had no idea what I was asking for. Especially the tour of Hell. 🤦‍♀️

I am not always the brightest bulb in the shed. 🤷‍♀️

As He taught me the topics to answer my questions, He would teach in the micro scale. We would focus in on every little, tiny detail of a topic.

View

I have three maps I started yesterday of the broader view of Father’s Kingdom. Like a summary of it. I created a map for Hell…to depict another layer of the prison system there.

Also, I created a map for Heaven to depict another layer of it, adding another layer of His government and financial system. I want to contrast the Old Heaven with the New Heaven.

For Earth, I started one regarding all covenants combined. There are many in His word. On top of that, I want to include some topics. I will list them below.

• Old Earth
• New Earth/New Jerusalem
• All Old Covenant sacrifices/offerings
• All New Covenant sacrifices/offerings
• Satan’s sacrifices/offerings
• Satan’s kingdom rule compared to Christ’s rule
• Satan’s covenant community vs. Christ’s
• Satan’s temple vs. Christ’s

You get the picture.

I am currently stuck on these three maps. My little pea brain is having trouble trying to figure out how to depict all of the above plus more.

Difficulty

One part of the difficulty of my walk with Him over the years is taking information that is beyond complicated for my natural mind to comprehend…and translating that to something I can understand. Then working those problems to get it down to the simplest way to explain it to someone else.

What is even more difficult to me…is trying to draw something multi-dimensional onto a flat piece of paper. It hurts my little pea brain. For real. 😧

Sometimes, this old computer gets overloaded. I tell Him often…whoa there…you are not just going to blow my breaker/fuse…you are going to blow the whole damn breaker panel. I am going to lose all power here. Going to be a blackout. 🤯

I am currently in brain pain again. These three maps are hurting my brain.

I need the veil lifted. This sheer curtain torn down so I can see the whole picture…crystal clear. Clarity is a beautiful thing. 😜

There ya go. Now ya know my dilemma. I need forward movement here.

Alrighty folks. Going to end this post there. Hoping He will lift the veil. Remove it completely so I can SEEEEEEEEEE it ALL! 😂

Have a Marvy day! Planning on it myself. Got a bit of brownies in the frig. Going to indulge in a bit of chocolate to celebrate the completion of this post, while I loudly and proudly listen to Poor Man’s Poison singing Wayfaring Stranger. Have that on repeat today. MAN…I love the instrumentation in that song!!! Glory be…awesome sauce right there. 😜

🤗 and 😘