Convictions

I am a woman with many convictions. It is how I live my life. My convictions of Father’s truths guide how I live moment by moment. I feel led to share a conversation I have been having with Father for a few years now. It feels like I need to do this post…so I can get my answer. Gotta share my struggles publicly…to get where I need to be. Seems to give Him great pleasure when I share myself with others. As I always say…I don’t get a say…I just obey. 🤷‍♀️

Before I get into the meat of the post, let me share a tidbit about the photos in this post.

In the last few days, Vanessa and I discovered Bobbi had skateboards. Not sure how I was unaware of this information. 😆

Ahnalaya Ann was ALL about this revelation. 100% in. I have been telling Vanessa…we HAVE to get Ahnalaya to the skatepark. Since the recent Bobbi skateboard revelation…the skatepark date was solidified. The pictures in this post all happened within less than 48 hours. The pictures give you a peek into our family’s fun during this time.

Have I mentioned how much I love and adore my kids and grandkids? 😂😜 SUPER grateful we have built something beautiful together. It has been HARD work at times.

Jeff

Part of this conviction convo includes my spiritual brother Jeff. I believe Father wants me to share how I met Jeff along with my thoughts of him when meeting the man. It is relevant…one piece of the puzzle.

Years ago, I was part of a local homeschooling forum online. After posting something, Jeff’s wife Kara responded. She liked what I had to say and felt Father wanted her to invite me over. I accepted the invitation. Jeff was still home when I first arrived.

Within the first few minutes of meeting that man…I was enthralled. I KNEW with every fiber of my being THIS man was my brother.

I am STRONGLY intuitive. When someone is lying to me…I KNOW it with every fiber of my being. Alarm bells SCREAM inside of me in every place. I know bad seed when I see it.

Conversely, I KNOW good seed when I see it. As Jeff spoke, not only did my natural intuition tell me this was an honest, honorable, respectable man of integrity…my spirit was jumping for joy inside. I also have spiritual intuition…discernment of spirits. Holy Spirit in me is attracted to Holy Spirit in others. It is the law of attraction in the spirit realm. Holy Spirit attracts Holy Spirit. Draws Himself to Himself between two people. Holy Spirit repels demonic spirits from Himself. Much like magnets that repel one another. +/-

Laws of nature coming together with His Spiritual laws. The physical realm working in tandem with the spiritual realm.

Dean

Years before Jeff came along…there was Dean. I saw Dean a little over a year ago at a local strawberry social. Hadn’t seen him in a few years. I was beyond excited to see that man. Wrapped him up in a great big hug. We stood and chatted for a bit to catch up on our lives.

Much like Jeff, within minutes of talking to Dean…I was enthralled. He too was a man I hold in high regard…both in my mind and in my heart. These two men have no clue how much I value their lives. I have told Jeff on repeat…Dean, I have not. I recently told Father…I need you to arrange for me to run into Dean again. It has become important to me…to tell him what his manhood has meant to me. The impact he had on my mind and heart…

Rarity

This is relevant because finding honorable respectable men like these two has been SUPER rare. I have four men in the last 53 years of my life that I hold in such high esteem. The criteria are pretty high here.

What sets these men apart is their heart for Christ.

When I met these two men, and they began to speak…I KNEW they were intimate with Christ. These men don’t speak Christianese…they speak intimacy. The verbiage and the actions are radically different. Like night and day are different. Religious people have a different language than those who experience true intimacy with Father. The words and actions of a religious person grate on the nerves of my soul man and spirit man.

I feel and know the differences both in my soul and in my spirit. I want the real gemstones…not the fake man-made ones. This ole gal wants the heart…not just words.

Intimacy

Intimacy breeds intimacy. Within minutes of meeting Jeff and Dean…I KNEW I was safe to share the intimacy I had with Christ at whatever level they were currently at. They got me.

Both of these men were like water in a desert to my soul and my spirit. A cool drink of water in a weary desolate land. Being surrounded by religious folk who haven’t a clue what you are talking about is a hard road to walk. Dean and Jeff heard my heart…like I heard theirs.

SUPER grateful to have met these men and have them in my life over the years.

They allowed me to get a deeper level of intimacy I so desperately needed during those times. I NEED depth. Swimming in the shallow end with others day after day is wearisome for me. I need spiritually deep people in my life.

Jeff and Dean happily swam out in the deep with me. 😍

Without Pay

One aspect of my relationship with both men was the fact they supported my inner healing journey 100%. They too saw value in inner healing from their own personal experiences with it.

Jeff and I discussed inner healing stuff oodles of times. Another topic of discussion…my work over the years with mentoring/coaching people. I have spent over 20 years now teaching people. Some formal teaching at events, but mostly one-on-one or in smaller groups. My life has been spent investing in people. Myself, my children, and others.

All of this was without pay here on Earth.

A serious conviction I have held in my heart is not perverting discipleship into a money-making business. Grates on my nerves…in every way. FEELS wrong to me.

A few comments I shared with Jeff years ago.

• I can’t charge people to pray with them.
• I can’t charge a fee to help someone develop intimacy with Christ.
• It feels wrong to me…to charge someone to speak Christ’s truths to them.
• I can’t charge someone to set them free and help them get out of pain…in Christ’s name.

Jeff and I chewed and rechewed this discussion over the years. We both had the same convictions about the matter. It was such a relief to hear a man agree wholeheartedly with me on this topic.

Man’s Ways

The relief stemmed from the fact…I constantly swim upstream while everyone else is swimming downstream. I walk the opposite road the rest of the world walks. I go against the grain. Following Father’s ways has me at constant odds with mankind.

To hear Jeff agree with me…a man I hold in high respect…FELT GOOD. He got me. Got my heart.

I get we live in a world that is run on finances. We have to have money to pay our bills. I so get that. I have lived the pain of working without pay and relying solely on Father for my provision. NOT an easy walk. Super rewarding in the long run but DIFFICULT short term. I have had to keep focusing on Father and His future plans instead of the present to get through the financial trials. Father ALWAYS provides.

I look at the corporation of Christianity that has been built in this world today. More like the corruption of Christianity. Can’t stomach it.

I could build like that…but that is man’s ways of building. Instead of following man’s ways, I must follow His way of building. It is His Kingdom.

His Ways

Over the years, I have relied on Father to provide. That means I don’t ask man for money. I HATE asking man for money. Loathe it.

He set me up years ago, at the beginning of my first divorce…to accept donations. Accept His provision through mankind. To humbly take the money and be grateful when He laid it upon the hearts of men and women to support me financially.

My finances are His burden to bear because He has chosen me to walk this way. I have learned He is a great provider. Not always thrilled with how He does it…but thrilled He does it. Just keepin’ it real. 🤷‍♀️ Not always a fan of the plan. Hence…dying to our selfish flesh. Gotta die to my bad self.

What I am trying to sort out here…is what is His way for me now regarding finances.

Donations…Fees?

Do I keep walking the road of accepting donations?

On Patreon, do I charge a monthly fee?

Sometime in the last couple of years or so, Jeff and I revisited this convo again. I can’t remember if I was living in Colorado at the time or Michigan when we had this last convo about the money. Thinking Michigan…can’t remember. I am getting old. 🤷‍♀️🤨

This time…Jeff said…sis…it is time for you to get paid for the work you do. 😳 I felt that in every fiber of my being. Deep in my soul.

I agree with Him. I believe it is Father…but what does that look like exactly? Idk yet.

Price Tag

Here is one of my issues with charging a fee for what I do. This includes both inner healing…and mentoring/coaching.

How do you put a price tag on truth? What price tag do you put on Christ…who is NOT for sale by the way? How do you put a price tag on setting a person free from pain? How do you put a price tag on giving birth to a man and helping said man develop an intimate life-transforming relationship with Jesus Christ? What price tag do you put on a man’s soul? How do you put a price tag on discipleship?

Can you put a price on those items? I can’t. To me…Jesus Christ is priceless. His value and worth are beyond any kind of price tag you could make for Him. He is my greatest treasure. A treasure I can’t measure.

I get Christianity places a price on Christ’s head for their own profit. They are either oblivious to Father’s concept of profits and losses or they don’t care. I am not oblivious, and I care.

Value

In my own walk, I experientially KNOW the value of intimacy with Christ.

I have said on repeat to the girls…my 22-year-old self would have paid ANY and EVERY amount of money to have my 53-year-old self in my life guiding me. The old younger version of me was DESPERATE for the newer older version of me. THIS is WHY I am the woman I am today. I dug DEEP and worked HARD to clean my life up. Following Father was a KILLER workout in all three bodies.

I.N.V.A.L.U.A.B.L.E. transformation.

Example #1

I have over 30 years of examples of the pricelessness of Christ’s transforming power in my own life. BUT…WAIT…THERE IS MORE!

I also have over 20 years of examples of walking with others and helping them be transformed. Let me share some examples. It is relevant to the condition of my heart.

I once had a friend call me EARLY in the morning, she woke up from a dream of her husband cheating on her. She was a WRECK. Crying…as you can imagine. If you have ever experienced this betrayal…you FEEL her pain. I KNEW intimately the pain of that experience…but also the fear of that being true.

She asked if she could come over to do inner healing with me…right then. Like 6ish in the morning. I was literally getting ready to put my foot in the shower when the phone rang. I told her…come on over. By the time I had my shower done and got into the kitchen…she was knocking on my door…still crying.

Direction

While in the shower, I asked Father…what is going on? Is he screwing around?

Father said no and told me what the issue was IN HER. I didn’t tell her what Father told me. I wanted to let Him tell her.

We sat down to begin. In about 20 minutes, she had the truth. She dealt with her issue. Father gave her truth. Part of that truth was about her…and part was the fact her husband was a faithful man. ALL pain was gone…replaced with sheer joy and relief. As intense and deep as her pain had been…intense and deep joy now reigned. The truth set her free.

I personally know the pain of betrayal. I KNOW the pain she was in. This ole gal lived it…more than once. I also know her freedom. To be the facilitator to set her free from THAT depth of pain…I CAN’T put a price tag on that. To me…it is impossible and almost repulsive to think about.

Example #2

I once worked with a man who had been molested by his older brother. He had never shared that secret (and the pain) with anyone in his life. All those years, he had hated his brother for what he had done to him. Held the hate inside…protecting the hate and unforgiveness.

He falsely believed his brother was supposed to protect him. When we offered that lie up to Father…Father said to him…I AM your protector. NOT your brother…not man.

The pain this man had been holding onto all those years…was gone. Completely disappeared with that one truth from Christ.

More

BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE.

I knew another truth he really should know…a valuable one…but one he couldn’t see yet. I had him look at his brother again. Forgiveness is KEY. Super important in Father’s Kingdom. I wanted him to see his brother through Father’s eyes instead of his own this time.

I asked him to look at his brother again and tell me what his thoughts and feelings were now after Christ had spoken. He paused a moment…then he began to cry. When he opened his eyes, I asked him…what happened. He got it. He said…someone molested my brother. That is why he molested me. Someone hurt him first.

For the first time in that man’s life…not only did he let go of the hate in his heart…forgiving his brother for hurting him…he saw his brother through the eyes of compassion. Before his brother became the victimizer…he was the victim.

Those moments set this man free of years of pain. Set him free of hatred and unforgiveness.

I have been molested. Held onto hate and unforgiveness. I intimately know that man’s pain. Also, I know that man’s freedom from the pain. PEACE.

How do you put a price tag on that kind of freedom? I can’t. Immeasurable value and worth to me in my own heart…in my own life…but add to that…I got to help that man get set free. I can’t put a price tag on my freedom alone…then add his on top of mine. 🤯

Needs

I have physical financial needs. Living in this world…I need money.

Here is another thing…people need to pay. Christ IS worth the money. He is worth the sacrifices we make financially. I should get paid for the work I have done over the years.

Does Father want me to keep giving it away for free as I have always done? Is that the plan?

When living in Colorado, I saw tiers of memberships. I get what He is saying spiritually speaking. It is about commitment. Some 30%. Others are in at 50%. I am 100% committed to Christ. Some only want to invest parts and pieces of their lives in Him. I am looking for those who are all in like me.

Investing in Him and His Kingdom is like financial investing here on Earth. This is the parable of the investors in the Bible. When He gives you $10…invest it wisely and He will give you the original investment back with interest. You can’t lose with Him.

If you invest it ALL, He will give you ALL of it back plus interest.

The question is…what do you want your return to be? A little? Or all? I want EVERYTHING…so that is what I invested.

Some will come and only want a little of the truths I speak. They will be at the lowest tier membership level. They want only what is free…not wanting to pay.

Others will see the value and be willing to pay the cost of following Christ. It will cost you to follow Him.

Physically Speaking

What does that look like physically speaking? Does that mean I charge for different levels of membership…because Christ IS worth the price financially too?

I am struggling to see what He wants me to do here.

Is it time for me to start charging people for the truth because I should get paid for the work I have done over the last 30 years?

It is true the people should pay.

Goodness…inside Christianity…they are financially raping the followers. Stealing money from the poor for their own profit and gain. Taking the people’s money and giving them lies and deception in return. Enslaving the people. Much like the Egyptians forcing the slaves to make bricks PLUS go and get the straw too…keeping the same daily quota of bricks to make.

They take the people’s money…promising to set them free yet keep them in bondage to the pain and misery they are in. Giving them false hope. Lying to the masses while ripping them off.

So wrong. Wrong on so many levels…indescribable.

What I have to offer the masses is much greater than in value and worth. I should get paid. The people should pay. But how do I put a price tag on ANY of that?

He alone has the answer. He gave me the convictions…he can either solidify them or change them. 🤷‍♀️🤨

There ya go. Now ya know my dilemma.