This photo is the core or center of a daisy. When I was in Michigan last month, Ahnalaya Ann took a walk with me. While on the walk, I saw the core of this daisy without the pretty petals. It struck me…hard inside. For some unknown reason, I failed to bring my camera with me on our walk. I hate when I leave something at home when I later regret it. Happens at times. 🤦♀️
I told Ahnalaya…gotta go back home and get the camera.
I like the picture. In the meantime, I have been processing what it means. I knew when I saw it…Father was speaking through the image…through the daisy core. I felt Holy Spirit put a pin in it. After 30-plus years, I am used to Him pinning things to the motherboard…uploading files to my mind cloud to go back through at a later time.
I have spent almost a month now…looking at this image…on the laptop…in my soul computer/mind…and in my spiritual computer/mind.
Lots of information or data contained within this one image. Lots of raw data.
I find it fascinating how one image made up of many pixels is also one small pixel in a much larger picture of who I am. It is just one tiny piece. One piece of the puzzle that forms the picture of who Crystal Ann Laura is.
Wardrobe
This may be a repeat…but it is worth repeating if I have said it before.
Recently, Father had me dump my wardrobe. Most of my clothes were bagged up and given to Goodwill. His thought process was…I needed a new wardrobe…clothing me in a new level of humility.
I had no idea what a new level of humility could possibly mean when I laid my life down and died for Him. I wasn’t sure how much lower I could get regarding my self-worth here. What I have done for Him…unbelievable!
Have I purchased any new clothes to replace the old ones? Nope. He is clothing me instead in humility like He said He would.
Confusion
Honestly, I spent the month of July in a state of restful confusion. Chaotically peaceful.
Makes no sense, does it? I know. Completely baffles me how these words can gel together as truth…but they do.
Every morning I wake up and wonder what happened to me through the night. I am a new person every single morning. Explanations are impossible…I am still clueless as to what He is doing to me every day. I keep telling Him…I need understanding here.
He reminds me…when this work is completed…ALL my questions will be answered.
See the confusion yet peaceful part? About a gazillion and one questions…yet peacefully resting in the knowledge the answers are soon to come. The TRUTH is coming.
Restoration
I find His ways at times…exasperating…frustrating…to put it mildly. Other times…I am highly amused and entertained by His ways.
The whole restoration thing…He is drowning me in it.
One avenue of conversation for us is YouTube. I noticed…even though I have NOT looked up anything regarding restoration…my newsfeed suddenly became saturated with restoration videos.
I didn’t miss the point there. Recently discovered what ASMR stands for. Mountain Rug Cleaning videos started popping up. I clicked on one and I was enthralled. Such satisfying videos he puts out there. The spiritual lessons are not lost on me.
Other restoration videos began popping up. I have watched furniture being restored, appliances, gadgets, etc. The list is endless.
It is a loving reminder of His promise to restore me. By the end of this journey…I will be restored…completely…100%.
I rest in that promise right now. I am ready. So over this road I have been traveling. Just saying. 😉
July
Throughout July, I was busy doing something with Father I had never done before. I set boundaries between us.
When I am all in…I am ALL in…to the extreme. When I entered into the betrothal covenant of marriage to Christ 30+ years ago, I was fully committed. ALL in. I gave Him everything. He owned me. I was His slave. It began a journey of slavery for me…slavery to righteousness. I had no idea how that one decision was going to radically change my life. Absolutely clueless.
This afternoon a young woman called me for help. She wanted me to help her through some insecurities. I told her…I can help you…I have the answers for you…however, they are going to come at a great price. They are going to come through pain and sacrifice. I shared with her what Christ would ask of her. He was going to ask her to give up things and people…she would not want to give up. Father will ask her to do things she isn’t going to want to do. He will ask her to stop doing things she doesn’t want to stop doing.
I told her…I want you to think long and hard about what you are committing to if you truly want my help…because my help comes through Christ. The truth…HURTS like a mother at times.
She is thinking about it.
Becoming His slave…meant I did not own myself at all. Not one thought was allowed to go by without it being taken captive by Christ Himself. I had to surrender every thought…every feeling…every word…every deed. All my children…all my earthly possessions. He left no stone untouched in my life. He owned it all. 100%.
It has been a painful 30+ years.
Boundaries
This past month, I started saying things to Him like…Never again will I ever do _____this for you.
I have finally come to a place with Him of rock-hardness in who I am and what I am NOT willing to do for Him.
It had me wondering…are we getting ready to come to blows or are we getting ready to merge together as one? I am not sure.
Another question I had was…is this supposed to be humility? A whole new level He said.
I felt as if it sounded like arrogance.
He has been gently saying it is about boundaries. Me…seeing who He created ME to be. For 30+ years, I lived in the fire. I…as a whole burnt offering am complete. I was cooked to a crisp. I guess I am about ready to be served up to the people. Time to feed the children…the Bride. The Phoenix is rising up out of her ashes. A new woman…indeed.
The other day, I saw a vision. I had large mason jars. They were the size of the 2-quart jar I use to keep water in the fridge. In this vision, I was filling each jar with oil. As I would fill one jar…more jars would appear in my pile of jars. The jars kept multiplying as I filled each jar with the oil. The multiplication was fascinating to me. He is quite the mathematician. 🤣
The boundaries feel good to me. I am still adding to them. I reserve the right to add more as the days go by. 😜 He gets NOTHING from me for free anymore.
Unity
One of the issues I was sorting through during July was regarding the position He set for me. I am speaking of me being the Mother…of Christ…and His Bride…Father’s children. Me…giving birth to truth and many souls through the womb of my spirit.
When He told me this years ago…I didn’t believe Him. I thought I had lost my mind, or I was hearing from demons. I wasn’t sure what my problem was…however…I know His voice. It was Him speaking these things to me. I countered each point with every argument I could think of. As always, He has an answer for my rebuttals.
I struggled to believe it. Quite a baffling thing to wrap my little pea brain around. AND…not much help in this world as far as processing goes. I sound crazy and very few knew about it because…well…I sound crazy. Who can you trust to tell that too? I found out quickly who was for us and who was against us. 🤣
Over the month of July, I came to a conclusion that culminated from my study of the Christian Religious System this summer. After watching a ton of videos, I told Father…I want nothing to do with that system. In fact, I don’t want to be a part of the Bride of Christ. To keep this going…I don’t want to be part of Christ.
Somewhere along the way, I moved past Christ. It was years ago, can’t give an exact date. Holy Spirit leads us to Christ. Christ leads us to Father.
I don’t want Christ as my Husband…I want Father.
Here is a statement I have said to Father for YEARS. I don’t want to be one of many. I want to be one of one.
Christ’s Bride is comprised of many…who will become one of one…but I don’t want to be one pixel in a picture of gazillions.
Equality
We are all born equal. We are all born into sin…all have fallen short. BUT…our value doesn’t stay equal. As we choose life or death… our value to Father either increases or decreases. You invest in life…you increase your value and worth. You invest in death…you decrease your value and worth. His Kingdom is run on simple economics.
I have worked my rear off for 30+ years to increase my value and worth. I told Him…I am tired of being lesser than…and I most certainly have worked too hard to be equal to…that leaves one spot for me. Greater than. I want to be greater than. Crystal Ann Laura…earned that position.
I am still sitting in last place here. Let’s be getting that catapult out please and thank you. I am going to sit my fanny on it and let Him launch me into the Heavens. It is time for me to be rewarded for years of being hated. Time for some loving.
Doubt
This has been a hard road for me. For oodles of reasons, but especially the concept of Him choosing me for His Bride…to be the Mother to His children. It is hard to fathom the idea of being elevated to that status when I have been the least of these for 52 years. That is a high hurdle to jump. What kind of love is that? Why me? I have asked many questions over the years. Some answers make sense…some I am still reflecting on.
A few weeks ago, I said to Him…you are a liar. You told me things that were not true. His response…you don’t know the whole story yet.
Welp…that is truth. Can’t argue with that. So even though I don’t understand…and I struggle to believe some days…I press forward. I keep moving forward knowing soon…all answers will come. I will finally understand what I struggle to comprehend today.
Anxiety
Yesterday, I woke up with a bit of anxiety. Not much…but I had this feeling…something BIG is getting ready to happen. HUGE. Ginormous. Gargantuan in size. My life is about to be irrevocably changed…for eternity. I felt anxious because I knew I had no control over it…nothing I can do about it.
I went to see my friend Lexy. Upon walking into the store, she gave me a big hug…and a LONG one. It was wonderful. She knows very little about me…but she knows I am bringing something to completion. She knows it is big.
Lexy said to me…you just gotta let the universe do what it is going to do.
It was confirmation. She was telling me this month has two full moons. Something about a supermoon. Father had me buy a moonstone ring.
Haven’t a clue what all that means for me…for this world…but after I put the ring on…the anxiety disappeared. I obeyed. That is about all I have in the understanding department for that. Obedience is always the key that unlocks the doors. I keep obeying so I can get to the other side of this. Gotta get to my destination.
He is currently singing to me…Bad Moon Rising by CCR.
Yesterday morning, He was singing to me…Have You Ever Seen the Rain by CCR. I FEEL the calm before the storm…it was the source of my anxiety.
Marriage
I believe a marriage is going to take place soon. A marriage of righteousness and justice. I can hardly wait. My thoughts…the bad moon rising is justice on its way. The righteous are going to see justice. They will come together like the yin and the yang. Wholeness will occur. A circle of life will be completed.
A super exciting time for this world. Super scary for me.
This morning, this video pops up in my newsfeed. It is interesting to me because after I finished my study on the Christian Religious System, I cleaned my newsfeed. Every Christian video that popped up, I hit…don’t recommend this channel. I wanted to wipe out all related videos…a clean slate so to speak. It radically changed the videos popping up.
Father wanted this video to appear. He wanted me to watch it. When I read the title about the woman rising up…I knew it was about me. I watched the video and then the fear kicked in.
I tell you…I live in the twilight zone. Every day blows my mind.
Deborah
Years ago, as I have mentioned before, Father told me I would be teaching the Bride.
I had issues with this idea. Lots of them. We have been knocking them out one by one as the years have gone by. One issue was the notion of me…a woman…teaching men. I grew up in the conservative division of the Christian Religious System. The one that believes Holy Spirit got fired and doesn’t speak today, but also the one that believes women are not allowed to teach men. The indoctrination stuck because I was convinced I was not allowed to teach men.
We debated this topic for a number of years. It took His truth to convince me…He indeed had called me to teach men. I will share two short conversations that led to the conviction of His truth.
At the time I was studying John Macarthur and R.C. Sproul’s teachings on the matter. As I studied what they were saying…I would ask Father for the truth. When I read to Him the scripture Paul wrote about the fact he doesn’t allow women to teach…Father said…that is Paul’s rule…NOT mine. He shared with me a truth about Paul. He was coming out of religion…Judaism. Paul had indoctrination issues too…just like I did. He was a Pharisee…legalistic…following man’s doctrines, traditions, rules, and regulations still. Paul was still learning Father’s ways.
That made sense to me. All the leaders throughout the Old and New Testaments made mistakes.
Yet, I still was not convinced. I am leaving parts out here…but He got angry with me and my rebellion. He said very loudly, firmly, with much irritation…DEBORAH!!!
Deborah was a judge. A woman He appointed to KNOW the law intimately and to TEACH the nation. She…a woman…was in authority over MANY men.
At that moment…I shut my mouth. It was a rare time for me…I had nearly crossed a line with Him.
Hospitality
I gave it a couple of weeks and then with much trepidation…I very gently brought the subject up again. Here is what I said to Him…I am so sorry that I struggle to believe that it is ok for me…a woman…to teach a man. I need you to help me understand why this is ok when I have been taught it is wrong. I get the Paul thing…but I need more.
This is what He said…brilliant. Fixed the issue for me from that day forward.
He asked me…if a man knocked on your door and he was hungry…would you feed him?
My response…goodness…you know Father…I would feed him.
His reply…then feed ALL who are hungry. Man…woman…and child.
It was that simple. I KNEW what He was saying at that moment because I have fed hundreds of people over the years. He gave me the gift of hospitality and I LOVE to cook for people and feed them food.
I knew at that moment…I would be doing the same thing in the spirit realm. Crystal Ann would be preparing food for the soul and spirit…and feeding the masses. I know how to do that…and I love to feed men…because they love to eat. So simple. 😜
It shut all my arguments down.
The Video
The video of Hank speaking freaked me out. Seriously. It confirms this whole Twilight Zone vibe I have been living in for years now.
I needed it this morning. It helps alleviate doubt about who I am. Honestly, I simply struggle to believe I could be that important to anyone but especially to Father. I struggle to believe I could be loved that deeply by Him. The thought baffles me.
I have a love-hate relationship with the video comments. Super tired of hearing people say the woman is someone famous and already in the public eye. However, I am always shocked when they get things right about me.
I am intrigued by the other prophecy videos out there about the woman. They are saying a couple of other people have prophecies about her and are on video. Would love to see those too. Someone mentioned the woman in purple.
That got me. Our family is just about convinced our color is purple. The next few posts will explain more about that.
Core
Well…it is almost midnight so I will end it here.
My core belief system has changed dramatically over the years. What fascinates me most about the changes…are the changes in my core belief about self. Never…did I EVER think I would elevate my thoughts about myself to the place they are today. The changes are night and day in difference. I love the woman I am today.
One dramatic change I noticed in July…no more striving for me. I am resting instead. Such a wonderful place to live.
More changes are coming. Dramatic ones…more dramatic than anything I have ever experienced before. I am scared out of my mind at what Father has planned for me in the next few weeks and months…but sort of excited at the same time. I am preparing to cross over. For 30+ years, I have been preparing for this time. The responsibility is enormous…more than I can handle. My reliance is upon Him…as always.
I believe by November…I will see some major changes for me. September, October, and November are important. They spell out S.O.N. His Son. He has also said to me…wait until you see what I have for you in October. I think it was October. It was either October or September. He sounded excited…like I was going to LOVE the surprise. I am suspect…but I will see.
I am ready to see justice take place. The enemy must be destroyed. I am going to throw a party with his passing. 🤨
Victory is mine. 💙