Sometime in my past, Father said to me, “I’ve got you covered.” It was in the last year or two. Can’t really remember when. Time has become a blur to me.
When I looked up the idiom meaning, it means everything you need is provided for. You are taken care of.
This is important because of a conversation Father and I were having in the middle of the night last night.
I wrote yesterday’s post to move forward. I have learned over the years, obedience is key. When I take a step forward in obedience, I feel better. I don’t do well in stagnant land…as I have mentioned before on this blog. Forward movement is of paramount importance to me. Has been for as long as I can remember.
When I got back to Hannah’s last night, she asked me if I got somewhere after I published the blog post. I told her…I haven’t had time to look at it yet. That was my next item on the list. I spent yesterday afternoon and evening playing with Ahnalaya Ann and Archer Aspen. The photos in this post are a representation of our time spent together.
Provision
When I retired to my room last night, I began looking at the next step for me.
As always, I say on repeat…Holy Spirit…take me by the hand and lead me to the truth. Jesus…tell me the truth and/or the truths I need to know to set me free…move me forward. This is my S.O.P. cuz it works for me. Never fails to lead me somewhere.
I went back to the truth…I need money. I need provisions in this world.
Here is what I need. My debt paid off in full. I need an income and/or an inflow of money. I need a vehicle for transportation. A home. I need a home of my own.
Those things felt 100% true because they are true.
When I went back to this line of thought, Father reminded me of a truth we have discussed a gazillion times. He created men…husbands…to be the providers for the wives and children. He created a man to marry a woman and provide for her.
We went right back to marriage. Funny how that works for Him.
Can’t seem to get away from that topic. 😂
Provider
I said to Him…ok…I am fine with this idea. Don’t have a problem with getting married. Just confused about how this is supposed to work when there is no man in my life. Also…is Christ going to bring money? I can’t seem to understand what the plan is here.
I get the concept of Christ as the Husband to the Bride being the provider for Her. However, I struggle to connect the dots to me in this issue. Not sure how this is supposed to play out practically speaking in the natural realm.
As the night progressed, I started to feel words coming together for a blog post.
Around 7 am, I drove to Bobbi and Mitchell’s/Donovan and Vanessa’s. I had decided I would sit in the backyard and write the post. Seems to be where I write most of my posts these days. Hanging out in the backyard. It has become a wonderful place to be for the family. 😍
When I arrived, man…I was JAMMED up inside. I felt like the blog post was going in a direction I wasn’t comfortable sharing publicly.
Thanks to Bobbilicious, I got clarity on my issues. It was a matter of the heart. Crystal is pretty clear on a heart-related issue. I am in love…with a man…here on this Earth.
Love
Over the last few months, I have had moments of clarity about this issue. I have said on occasion to the girls…I am in love. I wanted to tell him. Send him an email. Something. The girls have always said the same thing. No. Shaking their head no while they are saying no. 😂
They were right of course…so I remained silent.
This morning, while Bobbilicious sat letting me process the pain in my heart with her…I came to the firm conclusion…my heart is in love. It is undeniable to me any longer.
I fell in love with a man over 7 years ago. A man who Father had shown me was an honorable man. Then all Hell broke loose, and the love went dormant inside. It was frozen.
When I looked at the storyline again this morning, I realized…I love the man in the story. Always have. Always will.
Father told me when this began…it was an unshakable bond. Unbreakable. He wasn’t kidding. Over 7 years later my heart still feels the same way about the man I saw in the beginning. Father told me…he was my King David. I can’t shake that man. The man of my dreams.
Truth
The man I saw all those years ago is the man I gave my heart to. The man I have been waiting for all these years. A man who makes me speechless. A man I am powerless to shake.
Another truth to add in the mix, I want the story to be true…because I want that man to be real. I don’t want the story to have been merely a fantasy, but instead a true story.
Why? Because I want THAT man to love me as I have loved him.
I wanted the heart of the man. I still want the heart of the man.
When I was telling Bobbi the truth this morning, she heard Father say…harmony. Unity.
It was a reminder of my visit to New Harmony last week. Father bringing me a new harmony. Unity. Peace.
It felt good to finally be able to see the truth. Be real with my bad self about the truth inside of my heart. To be able to accept it. Acknowledge it. Be honest with myself.
It has brought me peace.
Quandary
I feel like I am in a quandary now. Not sure where to go from here. Doing this blog post hoping it will bring the answers to me. As always, obedience is the key to moving me forward.
I am still trapped in a place of darkness…much like a princess in a tall tower. Locked inside and can’t get out on her own.
I want to tell this man I love him…live and in person. To his face, yet I can’t. Since I need forward movement in this situation, I am doing the blog post. See?
One of the visions I saw this morning was important to my life in some way. Not sure how. Not sure what it means exactly but I think it relates to this situation. Feel led to share it here.
It reminds me of two things. The sons of Korah being swallowed up by the Earth and burned in the fire. Also…the river of lies/deception spewed out by the dragon in Revelation 12 being swallowed up by the Earth.
The vision was a breaking open of the Earth and swallowing up something. I saw something fall. It was very dark. When it fell, plumes of black dust/smoke arose from the pit in the ground. I could also see fire coming up from the pit. The smoke was billowing out.
I am still unclear on what fell into that pit. Part of it was a cliffside. It reminds me of all the videos I have watched over the years of cliffsides that gave way. Some are along the ocean. Some are merely falling to the ground below. Part of what fell into that pit was a cliffside…I am sure. However, I don’t think that was all that fell. I am a bit fuzzy on the rest. Maybe a tower. A strong tower.
Some visions are clear. Some are fuzzy. 🤷♀️
Covered
I am sure Christ has me covered. Covered with a new flesh. A new skin. A new wineskin. Part of that is love. An intoxicating love.
I am also positive He will provide for me. Bring me the provisions I need physically in this natural realm. Not just financially, but other physical needs that every woman needs met from/by a man. From her husband.
Not sure what any of it looks like. I just know I need my physical needs met…by a natural man. A physical husband. I want it to be the man I love. The man I fell in love with over 7 years ago.
Feeling like my teapot has been poured out and is empty now. Going to sign off there.
Believing this will move me forward in some way. 🥰