woman portrait

Well…something has fallen. Not clear on what yet…but I am clear something has fallen. 😂 Super happy about it! Will be even happier when I have full understanding of what all the layers of this mean.

Feel led to share bits of an update here. 🤷‍♀️ Somedays…I wonder why it matters. I really struggle with understanding why anyone would care about the craziness of my life. For reasons unbeknownst to me at this time…it is important to Father…so there ya go. I am writing to an audience of one. Not far from the truth right now…as He has me hidden. 🤷‍♀️

Fantasies and Fairytales

I think I mentioned in a past post about one of the reasons Father sent me to NYC during the holiday season of 2023. I am too lazy to go and look that up right now…but pretty sure I mentioned it. Let me repeat myself.

Always…I ask why. Why are we doing this? Why are we going here? What are the purposes of this exercise? I have to know why. It is how He created me to be.

When we were standing at the Rockefeller Christmas Tree…He said to me…I brought you here because I want to show you some truths about fantasies and fairytales. How man creates their own kingdoms…builds their fictional stories…false narratives. They build their own little fantasies and fairytales.

Ok…I was a bit perplexed by this because this is old news to me. Got this years ago.

Example

For example, Santa Claus…he is a fictional character. Every single year, parents lie to their children about Santa and the whole fictional story around him. It is horrible to watch parents year after year lying to their kids. Then they are shocked when the kids don’t believe them in their teenage years. WHY would you expect your kids to believe anything you say when you have lied to them constantly about Santa…Easter bunny…tooth fairy, etc.

Makes me shake my head in wonder at the lack of common sense in this world today.

If you lie to your children…then tell them not to lie…you are a hypocrite. If you are constantly lying to your children…then don’t expect them to have any respect for you later as they age and see your hypocrisy and poor character.

I have zero respect for liars. If someone lies to you…they are also stealing from you. Not a person you can trust. Please don’t expect your kids to trust you if you lie to them…for any reason.

NYC Christmas tree
I have several pics of the two of us at this tree…but I chose this one because the story behind it makes me laugh.

Hannah and I were interacting with a group standing here with us. The guy taking the photo was attracted to Hannah. I am cutting up with the others…informing them…I was her mom.

Hannah’s reaction to the guy flirting with her and me laughing with the group…was a fun moment for us.

I love her facial expressions here. 😂

Traveling is SO much fun. The experiences with total strangers are wonderful memories.

Holodeck

As always, many layers and puzzle pieces to this whole story. I can’t possibly type it all up. Not sure I will live that long.

Here is another piece I am sure I have mentioned before…think Star Trek Holodeck. Star Trek has some great imagery showcasing the spirit realm and natural realm interaction.

On the Holodeck, members of the crew create simulations of different stories in which they interact with holograms…simulations of people…and other crew members in a certain setting. It is a 3D interaction of a fictional story to entertain and at times train the crew.

Enter mankind.

This is exactly what man is doing on a daily basis. Building fictional stories out of their own lives.

Man/woman/child…creates a character. Themselves. Don’t like their gender…change it. Don’t like their sexual orientation…change it. Want to be a cat instead of a human…they tell everyone they are a cat. They build a fantasy…a fairytale…and insert themselves into it to make themselves feel better because they don’t like their reality.

Now…they are interacting with the rest of the world…and they want you to play along with the character they have made up in their 3D simulation.

In this fictional story…they get to be whoever they are…and do whatever they want to do. Whatever makes them happy. See?

Through the Night

Late last night, Father had me do a YouTube check. Two videos were on my newsfeed He wanted me to watch. The first one I saw…I knew He was pinning it…but I scrolled on past. I watched the second one first. The order is ALWAYS important.

He is still talking and teaching me using Lou Engle and Jenny Donnelly. He obsesses over a topic until He has taught me all He wants me to know.

I see a video by Jenny of another business she started called Don’t Mess With Our Kids. Didn’t feel led to watch the video, but I did pause there for a moment.

Here is part of that convo I am supposed to share.

I said to Him…if I have added any of my flesh in what I believe about Lou and Jenny…I need you to correct me. My S.O.P. has always been…I need to be 100% convinced of every truth He speaks. I don’t want to mislead anyone…nor do I want to speak wrongly about a person.

After I speak with Him about this…I say again…I want to make sure I am hearing you correctly about these two. Please show me…when you look at Jenny…what do you see? Immediately, He said…a liar.

He then reminded me of a lie she had spoken about Him…that I instantly knew was a lie…I just didn’t connect…ok…she lied…so she is a liar.

The Lie

I am not going to quote her because that would mean finding the video and rewatching it. Can’t stomach it.

Jenny was saying…she asked god what would it take to change the nation…what would it take for the people to change…something like that.

She said…god said to her…when they take the children.

I KNEW that was NOT Father’s voice. I KNOW my Shepherd’s voice…even when He is speaking through man. That was NOT Him saying those words.

Debunking the Lie

Ok…well…that is an easy lie to debunk.

Common sense alone tells me that is a lie.

The enemy has already taken our children. Here are a few examples.

  • We have aborted MILLIONS of children since Roe vs. Wade. The enemy has stolen MANY of our children.
  • Sex trafficking of our children is atrocious in our world. The enemy has stolen MANY of our children and has enslaved them to drugs and sexual prostitution.
  • Child labor has enslaved MANY of our children. The enemy has stolen our children.
  • LGBT has stolen MANY of our children. MANY children currently are completely confused about their own identity and sexuality.
  • Suicide has stolen MANY of our children.
  • We have children taking guns to school and murdering other children. The enemy has stolen MANY of our children.
  • The cartels have enslaved MANY of our children to a life of drug abuse to destroy our children.

This is a PARTIAL list of how our children have ALREADY been taken away from us.

This has been a downhill slide for decades, so please don’t attach Christ’s name to your lies. He is not a liar. He is the truth.

The moral character of the people in our world and this nation has been rapidly sliding down the slippery slope for MANY years…while our children are being sacrificed on the altars of false gods. Christianity hasn’t done anything but make this reality worse. Christianity is a MAJOR contributing factor to the deaths of our children.

woman portrait
mother daughter with Coach purse dinosaur
I had to get a picture of this dino made out of Coach purses for my granddaughter. She loves dinosaurs. 😜

Moving On

When I scrolled to the second video, I stopped and watched it. Both of the videos I saw…were Lou Engle.

The first one was a recent appearance promoting his Million Esther Movement with Jenny Donnelly. He was also promoting Jenny’s other businesses she has started.

I switched to a split screen and opened my notebook to take notes. When I was done with this video, I scrolled back up to watch the second one. This one was with Mike Bickle from IHOP.

In the past, I knew quite a few people who idolized IHOP and the preachers in that cult. I never liked that whole mess. Now that Mike’s sex scandals have been exposed…it is just one more nail in that coffin for me.

AVOID the (NAR) New Apostolic Reformation. Their teachings are death to all. Lou Engle has been a member of that cult as well.

By the time the videos were over, I had a list of eight questions for Father.

I am going to share bits of those questions and answers here. It was a powerful conversation for me. Connected so many dots…PROFOUND for me.

See

My first question was again…when you see Lou…what do you see?

He responded…waif.

I looked up the definition in the dictionary and He pointed out…a homeless child. He elaborated…giving me more understanding.

This piggybacks with another question I had. Lou has a habit of rocking back and forth when he speaks.

He can sit still. He can also stand still when other people are speaking. Lou can also stand still when he is standing by someone who is praying over him. It appeared to me…his vigorous rocking is a bad habit he formed years ago, and no one has corrected him to improve his public speaking ability. I asked Father…why does Lou rock back and forth.

His answer was…a sign of sickness and toxicity. Also…this connects with homeless child. Lou is like a little child who rocks back and forth to self-comfort…self-soothe while public speaking…because he is triggered. It is a solution for him.

I usually put a Post-it note over the screen where he is located. This way I can hear what he is saying without having to watch his stimming.

His rocking motion reminds me of how I feel when my grandkids spin the office chair in circles over and over and over again. It makes me dizzy. Messes with my equilibrium somehow like riding a merry-go-round. I can’t watch my grandkids do that…can’t watch him either.

Two Parts

The next section is two parts that make an answer. This was profound for me.

Dreams…and calling. Those are the two topics I narrowed in on while listening to him speak. In the videos I have watched…listened to…Lou has a pattern in his speeches. He seems to always start out by telling you that he had a dream…and in the dream, god called him to do something.

His pattern is…he asks god what he can do to turn the nation around. Or fix some major problem in the nation. This alone…is super arrogant. What he should be focusing on instead is…what do I need to do to fix me. Father doesn’t need man to ask Him what He needs help with. When He calls someone to make changes…He will make that clearly known to whomever He has chosen to do the work. So starting out…I clearly see arrogance in his question.

After he asks god the question…god always gives him a dream that elevates Lou up on this massively tall platform. Boy…Lou is really important to god. Now…Lou has to mobilize hundreds of thousands and millions of people to pray for whatever agenda Lou has on his mind. There is a call to action. He has an army to raise up.

Questions

I had questions about these two topics.

What is up with these dreams? Where are the dreams coming from? I need to know the source of the dreams. Satan? Father? Flesh?

Why does he think you are calling him to do these things? Whose voice is Lou hearing? Who is calling him?

None of it sounded like Father to me. None of it added up spiritually…logically…mathematically…with how Father works and His nature. He does NOT elevate man. Especially not an unclean man. Father always elevates Himself.

The NAR are always puffing themselves up with grandiose dreams, visions, and words. It is a pattern I have noted over the years. They bigamize everything. Lou is braggadocious. Father would never elevate a braggart.

The Answer

This is part of the answer He gave me.

These dreams Lou is having…are Lou’s dreams. The god who is calling him to lead these movements is Lou. Lou’s god is Lou.

🤯🤯🤯🤯

This is in part why Father sees him as a waif. He is a child with no home. Lou is an immature little child inside who has not given his heart to Christ. He hasn’t moved into Father’s house.

Lou has created his own god…him…and he worships/obeys Lou. He has built his own kingdom…fantasy…fairytale. He is the main character who makes amazing changes to the nation. Lou is a foolish man who has built his life on the sand…cuz he didn’t like the reality of the life he was leading.

It is no different than a transgender changing their physical appearance. The mental, emotional, and spiritual garbage is the same. They merely chose a different path to self-soothe with.

Jenny has done the same thing. She has built several businesses that she and Christians pose as ministries. This is what Christians do. Commerce in the name of the Lord. Jenny’s god who called and commissioned her with the authority to change the nation and get a million Esthers to D.C…is Jenny. Jenny, Lou, and MANY women (men included) have appointed and anointed themselves as Esther, Deborah, Joseph, Moses, David, Joel, etc. If they were a prominent leader in the Bible…the charismatic crazies are going to take that mantle on. They even take the mantle of dead humans. Super gross.

Jenny and Lou worship/obey the created…not the Creator. They built their own gods to obey.

See?

Focus

Another thing Father and I discussed was the obsession with America. Lou and Jenny are also both Christian Nationalists. They believe they are called to change the nation…to raise up women who will change the nation.

I asked Father…what is the obsessiveness with this nation? Can’t wrap my head around it.

One…idolatry which I talked about in yesterday’s post. Two…we discussed the fact Christians are focused on changing America…building something here…INSTEAD of building His Nation. His Kingdom. Building His Temple…inside of you.

Listen…if you are going to become a part of the Bride of Christ…you gotta get cleaned up. Man is filthy…all man. Christ isn’t coming back to get an unclean Bride. He can’t yoke Himself with anything unclean. He won’t defile Himself like that.

The other portion of the nation we discussed was the arrogance man has in believing He needs them to change America.

Listen…He can wipe the whole nation out and start over if He wants. He doesn’t NEED man to change the government. He can take care of that all by Himself. Step off of your high horse. If you believe He NEEDS to put you in a high place to impact others…you think too highly of your bad self. Think again.

Man’s focus needs to be on Him. Humbly bowing before Him. Ask Him what do you need to do to be pleasing to Him. What changes you need to make in your own heart and mind. There is where your focus needs to be.

saks christmas show
The Saks holiday show…a must see for me when I get to NYC during the holiday season. Always a stunner. Not sure how many times we watched this show play. Quite a few.
mother daughter in NYC

Purpose

Another question I had for Father…since you didn’t ordain this Million Esther Movement and gathering at the mall in DC…then what is the purpose of this gathering?

His response was simple…self-promotion.

Jenny and Lou are promoting themselves to make a name for themselves…NOT for Father. All about self.

Selfish motives…disobedience…idolatry…arrogance…rebellion…thievery of what He has instituted…hijackers trying to steal and hijack something He is doing.

I hope someday they see this and repent. They need to humble themselves and apologize to Father and to the world. They are guilty of crimes against Father and humanity.

Something Fell

That profound revelation caused something in me to radically change. I am still unclear as to what happened. I suspect the enemy fell. My doubting may have disappeared. I will see.

What is really interesting for me is this. I have known that for many years. There are certain things I have said on repeat for almost 30 years now.

Man builds their own kingdoms. Builds their own god.

Christians have built their own god. I have years’ worth of teaching and experience with Father and Christianity.

Where I struggled so badly was…when a Christian would say…god said. If it didn’t line up with what I was getting…that would cause me to doubt my relationship with Father. Unfortunately, I always assumed I was hearing wrong, and they were right.

I suspect that issue was resolved last night. Hopefully for good.

I believe so…here is why. This conversation happened between 11:30 pm and 1:30 am. I briefly dozed off…but awoke with a start a bit later. As soon as I woke up, I said out loud…I am getting married.

This morning, He has been singing two songs to me. Chapel of Love…I am going there. Love and Marriage.

No doubt in my mind. I am getting married.

Haven’t a clue what that looks like or how it will happen, but for the first time in years…no doubt.

Crazy!

Freedom

The other night…somehow the last chain was broken over me. I got the freedom I have been longing for…for so many years. I am FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With last night’s profundity…I feel secure. Really secure.

This morning, in some of the visions I saw…I was inside my home. Wow…that was beautiful.

Although my physical circumstances haven’t changed…I am changed inside. I KNOW I am free.

I have some things to share about that…but maybe another post. For now, I want to end with this.

While in NYC, as Father and I were talking about the fairytales and fantasies of man…He said…this is how man builds their stories. However, I write…build true stories. Stories built on TRUTH. Christ.

Christ…the Bridegroom will return for His Bride. They will live together in His castle in His Kingdom and will live happily ever after…for eternity.

Accept His hand in marriage to get your happily ever after. I have…looking forward to His return. ❤️

2 thoughts on “Fallen”

  1. Crystal thank you for your story. Saturday, while this million women march was happening I was also asking God how HE saw it. I knew God had told me not to be part of it, but I was trying not to be negative and judgmental – maybe there was something redemptive in it? As I walked a quiet trail praying, I asked, “God what do YOU think….” Before I could even get the sentence out, God said, “When have I ever commanded my people to assemble in front of a pagan temple?!” I immediately open my maps app to see where they were, and, well, if you know enough about the freemasonry history in America, you know what I’m talking about. Grace to you!

    1. Thanks for the comment. I came on the blog to shut the blog down because I felt like I should quit. I had lost hope anyone would ever show up here and read anything I have written. After reading your comment, I have a small measure of hope. Not sure if I should stay or go.

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