It feels like I am starting to get the freedom of movement I have been begging for…for so long. It is divine in nature. Such a wonderful feeling.
Going to try and keep this post short. Sharing this stuff is working for me. Compels me to share more. 😜
One note about the photo. I know Little Miss Mavis is blurry…cuz she is a toddler who is moving. 😂 I can’t help but share it. She is ADORABLE. The jackets are awesome.
I feel led to share what is happening to me currently.
This morning, I heard…it is time to sign in. Had absolutely no clue what that meant. I heard it on repeat…over and over again. Driving me batty.
I was racking my little pea brain to understand/figure out what He meant by that.
My first thought was computer related. I knew it wasn’t my blog. That didn’t feel true to me. Next up…YouTube. When I thought about that…it didn’t feel right. Didn’t feel true. Last night, I added some videos to my watch later lists. While it was still dark out…I was watching those videos this morning. SO, I had already signed in to both of my channels. It couldn’t be either one of those accounts.
Thought
Then I rewound to a thought that popped up while I was watching one of my videos this morning. The man was sharing about an upcoming trial he would be communicating live throughout on Twitter/X.
I heard this thought…I need to get on there. I dismissed it as quickly as it came…cuz I have zero desire to be on social media.
Then, I knew…Father was talking about social media.
Oh boy…NOT happy about that.
I have a lot of reasons why I don’t want to be on social media. The main reason for me is PTSD. Serious PTSD from it. I am not kidding.
To me…I was NEVER getting back on there ever again. The whole place was defiled in my mind. I have avoided that place like it is the bubonic plague.
We had words about that.
Truth
When I asked what in the world He would want me to get back on there for…He told me two things.
One…He reminded me that the other day He said to me…He wants you to know the truth. Wants to tell you the truth.
Ok. I loved hearing that. I am 100% on board with that. Absolutely LOVE the truth. Nothing seems to thrill me more. I am a truth junkie…for real. Can’t get enough of it. Ever.
The truth is what sets us free. I like freedom.
Secondly…He reminded me of a situation I found myself in over thirty years ago.
Healing
Immediately after entering the betrothal covenant with Christ…Father had me return to the church I had grown up in. It was a conservative Christian church. Cessationists.
He had me go back…some fences needed mending so to speak. I had been a hellion. While I was growing up, I was SUPER angry. Forced to attend church when my home life was the complete opposite of what Christianity preaches. Many preach yet fail to live what they are preaching. I experienced that firsthand. Hated being forced to participate in lies/deception. Made for an angry child and an even angrier teenager.
That being said…my horrible attitude fueled horrible behavior. I needed to make things right with a number of people.
SO…Father sent me back in as a humble, studious adult child to learn lessons, do some apologizing, and reconnect with people as a new and different woman.
What this did was heal me…and heal those people I had brought pain to. It healed a number of relationships. Also, it was encouraging for those adults to see I had changed. I was a different woman.
Father knew what each of us needed. As I obeyed, healing took place in a lot of places. It was a necessary part of my journey.
It was me…paying the guilt offering to certain people from my past. Healing wasn’t going to happen for me if I didn’t pay up what I owed Father and them. 🤷♀️ I had to humble myself in front of them and do some show and tell of a teachable woman.
Freedom of Movement
Father was using these two truths…to show me His purpose for me to sign in to social media again. Don’t think I will be on there long. Feels like it is a temporary visit. Not planning on building anything there. However, it is part of the journey for me to get my freedom of movement.
I got on there this morning. The PTSD is completely gone. Wow…I felt safe there again. Security. It was super healing to my heart to get on there and feel healed. Free. Peaceful. Protected. Safe. Secure.
He had told me He would use it to bless me…wow…I feel that blessing this afternoon. Felt led to share how loved I feel. I have no idea what He is doing to me…but wow…such warm fuzzies. I feel like I got my life back. Somehow, I have come full circle in some way.
It truly feels divine in my heart.
Dark/Light
I was telling Hannah this earlier…I feel like I am in the dark, yet in the light at the same time. I have no idea what Father is doing. NO clue. Yet…I feel like I am in the light at the same time.
Here is a truth I got after I did the social media account dance this morning. I was thinking about the crazy fantasy land I had been trapped in. I said to Father…I wanted that story to be true. Here is why. I wanted to be loved by a husband. A man. I wanted to be married. Wanted a healthy marriage. That is something I have always wanted. A healthy marriage and family.
Now…what He said to me…I already knew. However, this time…something was different.
Marriage Covenant
The truth is this.
Father created a man and a woman. He created them to be married…to one another. A man was created to marry a woman. A woman was created to be married to a man. They were created to be in love and be intimate with one another.
This is why I had that desire in my heart. I want the happily ever after because that is what He wants for us. We are ALL created to enter into the Marriage Covenant with Jesus Christ. The Bride and Bridegroom.
How bout dem apples?
I tell you…I felt so free after hearing Him remind me of that. I felt elated. This ole gal is not crazy. 🤪 I want what He wants me to have. The story IS true. Marriage is the WHOLE POINT of the story. 🤦♀️
I am giddy. My heart is feeling all the feels. No words.
Peace
As I always say, I live in the Twilight Zone…for real.
This morning, my credit card company called me because I hadn’t/haven’t paid the bill. Father made me do that a few years ago. I was pissed as Hell with Him about that. He wanted to destroy my credit which had been excellent for years. This was for a ton of reasons. A long list of purposes there.
I was telling the lovely Brenda the same thing I told them a few years ago.
Here is my story. I am homeless and living with my daughter. Have no income. No vehicle. No money. I will pay the debt…in full because I owe it. I just can’t pay it now. As soon as I can, I will.
I always have such wonderful conversations with the credit card company debt callers. The last time He had me do this, the reps were SO SWEET to me. Several of them made me cry they were so kind. Not sure why people hate debt collectors. My experiences with each of them have been beyond incredible.
Brenda was no exception. Super sweet. Had a great convo with her.
Here is the crazy thing…I can’t see a damn thing…in total darkness here. BUT…I am also in the light because I am in complete peace about it all.
Trust
Here is what I DO KNOW. I AM getting married. My Husband is going to provide for me. He is going to take care of me. Pay my debts in full. He is going to love me and support me. He is going to defend me. Be my defender. He is going to keep me safe and secure. He is going to protect me.
I am going to have the love and intimacy from a man I have always dreamed of.
I am going to meet Him face to face. That is what being on FACEbook represents. It is a prophetic picture of meeting my Husband face to face. Not only am I good with that, I am ecstatic about it.
It makes me think of Sammy. While spending time with him skydiving in 2020, he spoke much to me about trust. It was a theme Father had started before I turned left to leave California and head to Vegas to jump out of that airplane. When Sammy started the convo about trust, it made me smile. I knew it was Father speaking through him.
Father had asked me…do you trust me with your life. My response was…well of course I do. Have I not proven that over the last 20-plus years? 😳🤷♀️🤨
Hell kind of changed that for me. 🤦♀️
I have circled back around to trusting Him completely again. 100%. My heart and mind are both healed of the lack of trust. ❤️😆
Celebrating
Hallefuckinglujah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 💃🏻 Makes me want to dance a jig! Not sure my foot can handle it right now…but I am dancing in my heart folks. 😍
My heart feels so free. It is beautiful!!!!!
I want to shout this from a mountaintop…so, let me shout it here with joy. I TRUST FATHER/CHRIST/HOLY SPIRIT WITH MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That felt good. Feels good. I should have a party. If I wasn’t so broke, I might have one. 😂 All I can do currently is eat my chocolate morsels and listen to my music.
I told Hannah earlier…my heart feels divine. Maybe it is because I am immersed in Barry Gibb singing in his falsetto…but it feels amazing. 🤩 How can you not feel amazing listening to the Bee Gees singing? That voice. The harmonies. Oh my!!!! I am not sure they have ever sung a bad song. Is that possible?
I am in love with their version of Islands in the Stream. Since I can’t see who is singing on my iTunes version, I am not sure who is singing the lead on this song. I think it is Robin. Man…love his voice in this version. So so good!
Free
Even though…I can’t see how Father is going to pay my bills/debts… Can’t see what He is going to do now…period… Not a freaking thing…in complete darkness… I am in the light…cuz I trust Him to take care of it all. Not for me as the wifey to worry over.
See how free I am? Damn…that feels AMAZING to me.
I feel so loved. First time in my life…Crystal Ann Laura doesn’t need to concern her little pea brain about the matter. That is the role of the Husband.
I feel like I have arrived somewhere mighty yummy! 😋
No more slavery for this ole gal.
Woohoo!!!!!!!!
Have a marvy freaking day!! Having one myself.
🤗 and 😘