I AM Feeling the Beauty

I took this selfie on a recent trip to Tonto’s vet appointment. I was feeling pretty…so I wanted to snap the picture to commemorate that feeling with an image. I was feeling the beauty so to speak. Over the last five years, I haven’t felt much beauty or seen much light…just the ugly in the darkness. Feeling the beauty was a big deal to me. Didn’t want to dismiss it or forget it. I gotta take those moments in.

My life has changed and is continuing on that path of positive change…into the beautiful places and spaces of LIFE. I am feeling His light now…seeing it too.

Monday was a weird day, with a lot of quick changes taking place. Positive ones for sure.

When I got to work, my co-worker was a no-show. Later…she called to say she had forgotten her scheduled time. She offered to work my later hours for the night as an…I am sorry.😉 To me…it was no biggie…I do my work whether the others show up or not. BUT…about an hour later…I realized a friend of mine had the night off and I could leave and hang with him. After a few conversations, arrangements were made, and I suddenly had time off. WOOHOO!

Worth It

The night off was worth it…beautiful.

The next day, I woke up from a nightmare. It sent me into a panic. Not only was I fighting for my life in the dream but also in bed as I was waking myself up.

Once I had calmed myself down and sorted through the nightmare, I sent my buddy a long text sharing the dream with him and my conclusions from it.

Because he was worried about me, he called. We talked for an hour or so. He comforted me. Beautiful.

I was telling him this morning; that I so appreciate our relationship…the honesty between us.

Our conversations have really helped me see some finer details in my life…in my thoughts…and in my heart.

I love it when someone cares enough about you to help you see what you need to see…not what they want you to see. Selflessness…the exact opposite of selfishness. So rare to find in a man. No manipulation whatsoever. Beautiful.

The Light

In conjunction with my intimacy with my friend…my latest addition to the family…Christian…is sending me music daily. Sometimes one song, but usually multiple. Mostly Christian songs which I haven’t listened to in years. Father is using these two men to build in me. Something. Not sure what yet but they are encouraging me to live my dreams. To pursue them. To make it happen.

Christian and I have promised to seek Father for one another. We are petitioning Father to build His fire in us both. I had lost my passion, fire, and desire after being a slave to the darkness for so long. I was beaten, shredded, destroyed. Torn apart and torn down. The recovery has been hard for me. Slowly, my heart is healing. I feel it now…the beauty. I see the light again now.

On Ice

This morning, as always…I saw many visions. One was of an office. It was given to me. Mine to decorate as I wanted. I was going to reorganize it. Rearrange the furniture. Clean it up and make it look as I wanted.

Then I saw myself inside of a body. I could see the arteries, veins, capillaries, dendrites, axons, cells, mitochondria, etc…the connections, the energy, and life flowing. Also, I saw a cord…plugged into the electrical outlet and it sent sparks up along the wall. I was being plugged into a new outlet. I believe with much more power than before. While inside the body…as I was seeing these images…I was sitting in a box…much like a chest-deep freeze. It was translucent as I could see through it below. Inside the chest freezer was ice. I was sitting inside the ice and underneath me and all around me was FIRE…bright…hot…white and orange fire.

He began singing a song to me…it is a regular song He serenades me with…Home Sweet Home by Motley Crue. What He was saying to me was this…Father…THE FIRE is on HIS way home to me. Currently, I AM on ice, but THE FIRE is coming home…to me.

My Response

Boy…have I missed Him. Missed THAT FIRE living within me. I am anxious for His homecoming to me. The last season of our relationship has been HELL…the fires of Hell. I truly miss the love and intimacy He and I have shared for 30 years. It has always been so sweet in the past. Beautiful beyond measure. Unimaginable.

I asked Him to redirect my focus…to focus solely on HIM…ALL of Him. Father, Son, and my very best friend…His Spirit.

I desire to put the past behind me and start over. Fresh. New. A new fire. A clean fire that burns hot and bright. A light. A city on the hill. A light to shine to all. Dispel the darkness, the deception. To disseminate the truth. To all. For all.

As a Result

I have a few posts on here that I want to completely rewrite. Start all over. Subtract some stuff. Reorganize. Clean up the office so to speak. Rearrange the furniture.

It feels good. I AM feeling the beauty…feeling the warmth flooding through my arteries and veins. The power. The energy. The love. The light. Life. Him. 🥰