I AM Free

I know I titled this post I AM Free…but I just need to type that up again. I AM FREE! Wow…there are no words to describe the feeling tied to this concept. It is a culmination of over thirty years’ worth of work…but the intensive work since the fall of 2017…unbelievable.

Back in February I think it was, I shared a post announcing the birth of my male child. On February 5th, Father said to me…very clearly driving home from town…cutting the cord…severing the ties. I was 100% on board with this plan. I told Him…do it. Get it done.

As always, I ask…is there anything I need to do to make it happen? This is a partnership here. I co-labor with Christ to get the work done.

A few days ago, I felt like…I HAD TO BE FREE. It was a burning desire within me. I couldn’t wait one more day. SO…I headed to one particular spot I am drawn to…the swampy area on my son’s property.

Identity

Gotta be honest here…I hesitate to type this stuff up.

First of all…I have smarticles. I do realize even though I am not crazy…I sound crazy. Over the years, I have said…I have the appearance of being a heretic…a woman speaking blasphemy. To the Christians in this world anyway.

Father says…I am setting the record straight. I am good with that. However, sometimes…I just get tired of it all. I have a love-hate relationship with my life and who He has created me to be.

During my sit-in the other day, the cord was cut. The ties were severed…for good. I have left the pit I have been trapped in since 2017. I thought I would celebrate. Instead, I cried from relief. The labor is finished. The work is done.

Another reason I hesitate to type it up publicly…it is so personal…multifaceted…super complex. I believe Father wants me to share some though. Here is a short summary of the results of my sit-in.

It is all about my identity in Christ. Accepting who I was created to be and what I was created to do.

Reverse the Curse

While sitting in this spot, Father and I talked about my frustration about what I have been doing the last seven years. He added a few puzzle pieces to this story that severed the ties for me…cut the umbilical cord from the male child.

I have mentioned before Father created me to be the Second Eve. For years, I have carried the weight/wait of the world upon my shoulders. Also…within my heart and head. The pain was enormous. He trapped me in a pit of Hell to pay for the crimes…do the time for humanity. It angered me to be treated by Him in this way…when my heart has been radically devoted and obedient to Him all these years. It hurt me…deeply.

He was telling me…just like Christ (Second Adam) had to become death and curses for the people to redeem man…the male gender and also mankind…I (Second Eve) had to become death and curses to redeem man…the female gender and also mankind.

The Second Eve had to reverse the curse the First Eve initiated. The First Eve disobeyed bringing death and curses to her children. The Second Eve had to obey to bring life and blessings to her children. As the mother of life…I will give birth to His children…Christ’s Bride…and raise them up in life.

Dependency

Here again, I sound like a heretic. I used to say…I wanted to be dependent on Christ rather than independent from Him. Living in Hell, changed my tune. While sitting here, I said to Him…I don’t want to be dependent on Him any longer. I want to be independent from Him. I want the tie to Christ severed. Cut the umbilical cord to my male child.

He began to share with me…that was Him. Christ is now dependent on me. He is dependent on me…to give birth to His Bride and raise Her up in life. Everything made so much sense to me after He explained what I have endured and why.

I have resented paying for someone else’s crimes. Resented doing the time for man. After spending years of hard labor cleaning my own heart and mind up…being thrown into a pit…a prison cell for others…wow…not happy about that.

I finally get it now…and I was able to forgive 100%. It reminded me of three things. One…an incident with my first ex-husband. Secondly…the moment I forgave my earthly dad all those years ago. Thirdly…Christ on the cross. I had the exact same mindset and heartset…they have no idea what they have done.

Those who have wronged me…have no idea what they really have done to me. Just like they don’t know what they have done to Him. To anyone…including themselves.

Work

One situation Father brought up was this one. Many years ago, my family and I parted ways. I choose life…they choose death. I wanted to continue to grow and mature in Christ. They were not interested in growth and maturity.

Right before the final separation, I got a five-page email from my older brother. I have mentioned this before I am sure somewhere on this blog. In the letter, he told me he never wanted anything to do with me ever again. He had a list of reasons why he thought I was a toxic individual.

He stated he thought it was necessary for me to see how others viewed me because he thought maybe if I knew what others thought about me…I would see the error of my ways and change.

One bit of gossip about me he shared with me was this. There was this guy at church who came up to him…not knowing I was his sister…and started talking about me. The guy said I was lazy…and refused to work.

At the time, I had three children at home, and I was homeschooling the children.

If I had taught children inside of a school building…this would have been considered a career…work…because I would have gotten a paycheck. I would have a teaching certificate…to man…that makes it legit.

Since I was ONLY a mom…and teaching my own children in my home…I was lazy…refusing to get a real job…and nothing I did was legit. That is man’s thinking. Man’s thoughts of my life.

Prayer

Here is another piece of what Father brought up during our convo.

The fact for years, I have done inner healing on self, my children, and others.

Inner healing…is work. It is one of the greatest works you can do…for yourself. This is how you get freedom within through Christ giving you the truth.

The work I have done in my home…the physical home the children and I lived in…and also my body…is private. My works have not been public through the years. My ministry to people has been without fanfare and without pay. I minister to people privately and personally. One on one. When I invest in people…I go as far as they want me to go with them. I am an open book…open heart. I give all of self.

For years, I have done inner healing with people and didn’t charge any of them anything. I did it all for free. Never advertised what I was doing. Father would send the people I worked with over the years.

Father asked me to look again at why I never charged anyone money for doing inner healing with them.

It went against my convictions. I could never charge anyone to bring them closer to Christ. To help them get freedom in Him. To me…it was basically prayer…and I could not and would not charge someone to pray with them. I find that practice in today’s world…abhorrent.

There are many who charge people to do inner healing. Each to his own…but I refused to sell Christ. He is not for sale.

Intimacy

With these puzzle pieces in mind, I realized the work I have done for thirty-plus years…is really building intimacy with Him.

If I look at my own work with the inner healing conviction I have…then I can’t put a price tag on the work I have done over the years. My question becomes…how do you put a dollar value on my “wages.”

I can’t. The work I have done is building this amazing relationship with Father. It wasn’t a job and/or a career then, see?

I have been looking at the fact I haven’t been paid for all the labor I have done. That is true here in this realm. I have no money and I am on my third and final round of carrying a major debt load. We work in rounds of threes. 🤷‍♀️

For some reason…having this truth about what I have really been working for…intimacy with Him…set me free from feeling like I needed my wages.

How f**king cool is that!!!!!!!!! TOTALLY COOL!!

I can’t put a price tag on building an amazing relationship with Father/Son/Spirit…AND it HAS BEEN WORK. Hard work.

To man…the work I have done is nothing. Has no value to them.

To me…it is my life…and it is priceless in value.

I AM Free

There is SO much more to the story than what I have typed up here. This is the info I feel willing and led to share today.

The good news is…I am now free in Christ. I am 100% free to walk in my identity built out of Him.

Just like Mirabel on Encanto, those in Christianity have looked down on me as if I am nothing and have no gifts or talents. However, since I was ten years old, I have seen the cracks in the house/system of Christianity. They have been forcing the people to carry burdens they were never designed to carry. The walls of those buildings will come down. It is time to build His house on His foundation His way…not man’s way.

For years I have worked to get my freedom. I always say…you can’t set someone free if you aren’t free yourself.

Now that I am free…it is time to set the captives free.

Goodbye to my prison cell…Hello to freedom.