For weeks now, I have known I was going to type up this post using the featured image photo along with the title Lineage. The words to the post weren’t present yet, but I knew the post was about generations, heritage, ancestors, lineage, family, inheritance, etc. All things time…related to intimacy and love within family. I felt the theme of this post even though I didn’t know the words to go with it yet.
This morning, Father woke me up at 4 talking about names.
I have also known over the last few weeks I was going to do a blog post on my name change…related to my grandmother. As the conversation progressed this morning, I then knew I was to do this post today using these photos. At this time, I am not sure how I am supposed to weave lineage into this post when the post is really about the name above all names…Jesus Christ.
A Struggle
I am going to mention this here because I feel led to share. Typically, when doing a post, I try to place the pictures I am using in what I would call…the proper order. It always feels to me like the photos have to go in a very specific order that fits the order of the post itself. Today, I am going to put the pictures on this page before I write the text. This may mean the photos and the timing of the text may not line up. The OCD part of me…doesn’t like this idea…at all.
HOWEVER, I feel like it is an important step for me to gain freedom here in this area of my life. It is now 9:33 am…that is five and a half hours of me talking to Father about this blog post. I have been jammed up about the photos, the words, and the order of both since that time. I asked Him…show me what to do to get free from this log jam in my mind. This is one of the things I saw and heard. 🤷♀️ So, I am going with the flow here. This ole gal needs the freedom.
Processing, sorting, and filing knowledge in my mind…with Father/Son/Spirit…has been a brutal work over the years. The last seven…beyond imagination. I have said repeatedly, someone should have started a neurological study of my brain before this began. By the end of this…100% guarantee…my brain/mind has radically changed. I would have been an incredible case study for mankind.
Brain Pain
He is the Potter. I am the clay. Much like when the potter is shaping and molding the clay into a vessel, I have felt every bit of that in my brain/mind. The physical brain pain, along with the soul and spirit mind pain has been unreal to me. Like no other pain I have ever experienced. It always feels like He has my physical brain in His hand, squeezing it. Molding it. Shaping it. Pushing on it. Shoving it. Repositioning it. Stripping things out of it. Adding stuff to it. Times that by three. All three at one time. Causes headaches and exhaustion…body, soul, and spirit.
It feels like to ease the current brain pain, I need to place the photos while ignoring the order of them. Let them flow naturally this time. That will ease my mind. Set it free from trying to get the order of the photos and the words to line up perfectly.
I am flowing with it.
The photos all relate to the title and the concept of this post but are not in any particular order. This feels better already. 💜 Look at Father go! He is so smart. 😜
Strange how at times…time moves so quickly. In the blink of an eye, something has come and gone. At other times, time seems to stand still…much like a stagnant body of water…no inflow and outflow. No movement at all.
Interruption
I am going to interrupt this regularly scheduled post to share a bit of what has happened to me today. Father interrupted my day by having me move again. 😜 I live the craziest life…seriously. As of now, I am couch surfing with Mr. Mitchell Man, Bobbilicious, Tia Malia, and Little Miss Mavis Joy. Have no idea why I am here and how long I will be here. It feels like an extremely short visit to me.
It is a crazy story…one I won’t share in this post. This post is for another matter. However, I will say…I literally sat my rear end down at the library to finish the post I had started while at Hannah’s…when Father said…it is time to leave.
WHAT????!!! Go where???? 😳🤔
I called Bobbi because it felt like I was supposed to couch surf at their place. After the happy couple discussed the idea, I was notified by text it was a go. I went back to Hannah’s and packed. Bobbilicious came and got me. I am sitting at their table to finish this post.
Determined to get this done tonight. 5:45 now. Going to publish this tonight!!!!! 😳
On a positive note, this post may have just gotten a LOT shorter. 😂
Christmas
Goodness!!!! I am super excited! I have no idea what Father is doing with me right now…but it feels like Christmas time to me. For real. It reminds me of a vision I had some time ago where I had these HUGE boxes in front of me. Some were wrapped and some were not. They were all presents to me. I feel like I have these huge gifts in front of me to unwrap. Haven’t a clue what the gifts are…but I KNOW I am going to love them.
I feel like a giddy schoolgirl ready to unwrap her presents. Like it is my birthday, and all the gifts are mine and mine alone. It is all about me. I am having a party. 🎉❤️
No, that is not Elvis sitting at the table…it is my uncle. 😜 For the longest time, I thought he looked like Elvis. Kind of sounded and acted like him too. A lot of the same mannerisms.
A bit of trivia. Grandpa was always in bibs. He had his everyday bibs and his going-to-town nicer bibs. After he passed away, I cut blocks out of them, embroidered designs on the blocks, and made a quilt out of his bibs. It is super heavy since it is denim. It was my way of keeping a piece of those bibs. 💜
The Name Change
After my divorce, I wanted to change my last name. Pretty solid about that. Had to wait several years for Father’s timing on the change. He has a timing and an order for everything. Finally…it was time. I needed to know what He wanted to change my last name to…this is important.
In my heart, it was important to honor Dad. I considered going back to my maiden name because that would be taking Dad’s name again. However, I had a problem with this since my brothers with that same name made it Crystal Clear they never wanted a relationship with me again.
I didn’t feel comfortable going back to that last name again.
So, I call Tammy…Dad’s wife. She had the brilliant idea to use Dad’s mother’s name. WOW!!!!!!
Instantly, I knew THAT was Father. Laura was my new last name.
This had layers of meaning to it. Lots of honor.
Honor
This honored Dad because Dad was a Momma’s boy. He LOVED his mother. He honored her…always.
Me…taking his mother’s name would be honoring his love, respect, and adoration of her. Dad would be thrilled knowing I had taken her name as my own.
It would also be honoring the woman who meant so much to me. As I have mentioned previously on this blog, she is the only person who told me she loved me throughout my childhood. She died when I was ten. My whole world came crashing down with her death. I remember vividly standing at her casket and wishing I could crawl inside and be buried with her. Something in me died with her.
She taught me what Christ’s love was. I never doubted her love for me. Not only did she tell me she loved me…she proved it through her actions.
I have tried to emulate her love in how I love people. Especially how I love my grandchildren. As a grandmother, she is the example I follow. I love my grandchildren as she loved me. Laura was a key figure in my life. Always will be.
Many in my life have proclaimed Christ to me…she was Christ to me. Preaching Christ and living Christ are radically different. Grandma taught me that at a young age.
Christ
To me…taking her name honors Christ as well. He is the one who did the work. I see Him in her. I saw Him in her.
What is interesting to me is this morning, I asked Him…why is the name Jesus/Yeshua so important? We ask in His name. His name is the name above all names.
I get the importance of Christ as a man…but the name was kind of baffling me. Every word has many definitions. Every name has layers of meaning. I have been wondering what all the layers are contained within the name of Christ. This was part of the discussion early this morning.
Another puzzle piece to this picture/story problem/mathematical equation…is religion vs. relationship. This is a continuous discussion that has been going on for years. Decades. I have wanted His definitions to both.
It is always about the heart. Religion is rules and obligation. Relationship is love and intimacy. Shallow, flesh-based, head knowledge vs. deep heart connection to the truth. The difference in how the two play out in your life is MAJOR.
Freedom
Another interruption…this day has been incredible on so many levels.
I just got word my blog is safe and secure. Recently, I mentioned I had been subpoenaed to testify in court as the freedom of my blog was in question. The judge ruled in my favor. I am secure. Free.
Words can’t describe how happy and relieved I am. Feels like love from Father to me. Wow…
I have been praying for that judge. For some reason, I LOVE that man. Have a heart for him. Believing that is Father’s love/heart for him. So much gratitude right now. Someday…I am going to meet that man again and hug him. Hope I can bless him somehow in return. He deserves a raise or something. Going to ask Father to bless him beyond measure. 😂💜
What a HUGE gift that slice of freedom is for me. HUGE!
It feels like all my dreams are starting to finally come true. I seriously might faint from the greatness of it all.
It makes me wonder what Father has planned next. WOW! Can’t even imagine.
Grandpa was always unsure about holding babies. He didn’t want to drop them or tear them up. 😂 Our agreement became, he would sit down, and I would pass the baby into his arms. He would sit still until he was done holding the grandbabies. I so got that. Babies are treasures to hold. I don’t want to damage them either. In anyway.
Ann
I am seriously baffled…how am I going to finish this post. My mind is all over the place now. This is literally destroying all OCD in my mind. All order has been thrown out the window. I am throwing my hands up in the air here. This post…is going to be done. It isn’t going at all where I thought we were going. 🤷♀️🤷♀️
You will have seen a picture of my mother’s mother. Julia Ann. I love her first name…Julia. Such a pretty name. She went by Ann for as long as I knew her. Not sure why she didn’t use her first name since it was so pretty. Never thought to ask her while she was here.
My middle name came from her. She was another important woman in my life. I didn’t get to know her until I was an adult. All during my childhood, I was leery of her. For years, I listened to her family speak negatively of her. My assumption was…she was as crazy as they said she was.
As an adult, I decided to try getting to know her myself and form my own opinion of her. I fell in love with her. She was sharp as a tack. I was intrigued by her observations about the people around her. Although she didn’t let on, she knew what was going on behind her back.
Ann was an out of the box thinker which got her labeled as crazy. I will never forget the lessons I learned from her.
Christ’s Name
When I entered a relationship with Christ over 30 years ago, I took His name. With that…comes great responsibility. It is about honor. Honoring Him.
Taking Him and making Him part of me. Dying to my selfish disobedient flesh to take on His selfless obedient Spirit.
I have spent those years honoring Him by doing the work He requires of me to get cleaned up for Him. As I have done the necessary inner healing through introspection of 53 years of my life…He has redeemed my past. Through Christ, I have been transformed into a clean vessel for Him. A woman of great honor…in His name.
It is about the Marriage Covenant. The woman is to take her husband’s name…and with that…honor her husband. Not take his hand in marriage in vain. To be faithful. Committed. Loving. Obedient to Christ who is the Bridegroom. Walk hand in hand…side by side…plowing together. Building together.
Christ’s name means a lot of things to me. He is a symbol of all things that are good. His manhood…is unbeatable. A man of great strength deserving greater honor.
I believe he was somewhere playing music. Him and Uncle Harlen were always playing music together somewhere. 🎶🎵😍
Lineage
I have the names of two women who were important to me in my life. Are still important to me in my current life. Past, present, and future.
Having their names speak of honor to me. Honoring the people in my past. Honoring my ancestors. The lineage of my family.
Because I have taken Christ’s name as well and honored Him by doing the HARD work laboring for over 30 years to redeem the pain of my past traumas…Christ has not only transformed my past life…He has changed the trajectory of my present…and the future generations who come after me.
By removing the lie-based belief system I grew up with…replacing it with Christ’s truth…my future generations will grow up with the truth as their foundation. Christ redeemed the past to change the future.
I have been laboring to change the entire lineage of my family…past, present, and future.
I am kind of in awe of this.
The value of this…beyond measure. Crazy crazy good.
The power of Christ…the truth…is absolutely mind-boggling amazing!!!!!!!!!! 🤯 So in love!!!
I also have the gift of hospitality. When I had my own home with kiddos, I too carried on this same behavior by always inviting people into my home to feed them while visiting.
I loved welcoming people into my home. Even strangers…which drove Donovan nuts. 😂🤷♀️
Signing Off
I am quitting. 😂 It is 8:30 and I have been interrupted more times than I can count today. Crazy wonderful interruptions by Father, my children, and grandchildren. This post has been a chaotic labor of love.
I think I will remember it as the day Father broke me of OCD. 😂😂 Such a happy day on MANY levels.
Going to kick back and relax for the rest of the evening.
Have a MARVY DAY!!!!