The picture is of my 50th birthday party. My girls threw a dinner party for me at Madeleine’s Fusion restaurant (one of two of my favs in the area) with a few surprise guests. The man on the left is my spiritual brother Jeff, his wife Kara next, then my son Mitchell on the right with his bestie Michael to his left. I wish I had a better picture of Jeff and Kara. This is making me realize I need to take more pictures when we are together.
While growing up as a child, I lived in a very cold home…when I say cold…I mean without love. My family was broken like all other families tend to be. We are a broken people. All are toxic in our own ways unless or until we do the work to grow out of the brokenness and mature into emotionally and spiritually healthy beings.
The only person who hugged me and told me they loved me was my grandmother…who died of cancer when I was ten. I remember very clearly wanting to crawl into the casket with her and be buried with her. In my mind, she was the only one that loved me…so when she died…love died. There was no reason left to live in this world.
The next time someone told me they loved me was years later when I ended up with my first husband. I learned rather quickly sex…does NOT equal love. Love is NOT a feeling or an emotion.
I always wanted emotional health. That was a strong desire within me…even as a young child. I saw the brokenness around me and wanted health instead. Purity. Cleanliness.
The Desire for a Healthy Family
One piece of that puzzle was the desire to have a healthy family. I wanted my brothers to love me…as I loved them. I later learned you can’t have love without HIM who is love in your heart. Love is a work of His Spirit…His fruit from His tree. It is not a work of the flesh of man. No man can love unless they have His tree of LIFE producing the fruit of love in them. It is an impossibility otherwise. What the world terms as love is NOT love…just the appearance of it. Counterfeit. Fake. False. A lie-based belief/idea/concept/notion…all built on the sand.
He is love. Huge difference.
Following Father separated me from my natural family. It was part of the cost of being His disciple. Losing my natural family was devastating to me. It took me three years of intensive inner healing work in my heart and mind to heal from the loss of the people I loved so deeply.
One of the advantages of being in Father’s kingdom is that you get a NEW family. A brand spanking new one. People who DO want to do the emotional and spiritual work needed to have a healthy thriving relationship with people. People who are humble, repentant, and want to change and grow. To be better human beings.
Father knew I wanted brothers who would embrace me as the woman I am and love me. See my value and worth.
Jeff and Kara
I remember the very first time I met Jeff. I will never forget it. I am rarely surprised by a man…but Jeff blew me away. He opened his mouth and started to talk, and I KNEW this man had a relationship with Father. I knew he was intimately connected with His Spirit. For me…I knew we were family…forever family. This man was going to spend eternity in Heaven…he was all in. 100% sold on Father. A man of commitment and honor. A man I could respect.
There are no amount of words I could write that will ever detail the love, respect, and honor I feel for this man. He has been a pillar in my life. Over the last few years, when I have wanted to end it all, he has spoken the truth to me and helped settle me down. I couldn’t have made it through the worst time of my life without this man. He is stellar.
I remember the first time he called me sis. My heart was so touched, I had to walk away…I knew I was going to lose it in front of him. When he says that simple word…sis…my heart melts inside.
Years ago, I saw a vision of Jeff and I. In the vision, he was sitting in a chair. I was kneeling at his feet, and I was washing his feet. Father said to me…you and Jeff will make an exchange. You will gain his authority and he will gain your heart. Jeff and I have discussed this vision and we both know that happened between us.
He makes me a better woman and I have helped make him a better man.
That is how it should work. Spur one another on to do it right.
Another Vision
For a season, Jeff and I served on a leadership team together. One of the female leaders would teach. She always had a saying she constantly repeated to the people…with pride…“I have a word from the Lord.”
As she would teach, I would listen for Father’s word. I KNOW His voice and enjoy hearing from Him. Because I crave His voice, I would listen intently for Him as she spoke…but I never heard Him. I started to get frustrated with myself because I thought I must be doing something wrong. Everyone else would praise her and tell her what a good message she had just shared.
I was baffled…seriously. Beating myself up that I couldn’t hear Him in what she said. I just KNEW He wasn’t there. I didn’t hear Him…what was everybody raving about???
Yet…when Jeff would speak…I heard Him although Jeff never said…I have a word from the Lord…he would simply humbly share what he was learning.
One day I finally asked Father…what is the difference between what she is saying and what Jeff is saying because it FEELS and sounds so different to me.
The Difference
This is the vision and what He said…I saw the woman teaching…then I saw my hand reaching out and trying to grab dead dry leaves blowing in the wind. I grabbed a dead leaf and it crumbled in my hands and blew away in the wind. He said…the words she speaks are from the flesh…it is foolishness…like chasing after the wind.
Holy Smackanoly! Made so much sense to me. That is why I KNEW He wasn’t in her words. He wasn’t. It was her words NOT His. Man’s flesh versus His Spirit, see? A work of the flesh versus a work of His Spirit.
Then I saw Jeff stand up to speak. I was leaning back in a chair…when Jeff started to speak…I saw my spirit man separate from my body and sit up straight. My spirit put its hand to its right ear and said…ATTENTION!!!…a general is speaking. Father’s Spirit was speaking through Jeff.
I KNEW then…Father’s Spirit carries His authority where the flesh carries NONE.
Profound…so powerful to me. 🤯
Relationships That Last
Father separated me from my natural family, but because I obeyed Him and left them behind…He replaced them with a family with whom I get to build a relationship that lasts for eternity instead of only here on this earth. I am not laboring in vain investing in Jeff. We are building a relationship that lasts…forever. I don’t miss my natural family…for what I have been given in its place is far greater in value. What He gave me in Jeff is beyond what I could have asked for or imagined. 😍
My childhood dreams of having a healthy family and a brother to love me, respect me, and honor me did come true. It came true through Jeff. That is one small reason, he has a forever home in my heart. 💙