One of my favorite songs is Nothing Else Matters by Metallica. I love the tinny-sounding guitar in it. Makes my body smile all over. Also…I am a huge fan of the topic…intimacy. Man…I AM ALL about love and intimacy. Can’t get enough of either one of them. In fact, my entire life…is centered around love and intimacy. This song reminds me of who I am and what my passion truly is.
I am madly in love with the Creator of the Universe. The one I call Father.
He is my world. He is my life. Nothing else matters to me but Him. No one else matters to me more than Him.
If I made a list of the ones I love the most…at the very top of the list would be my children and grandchildren. Everyone else would come in line somewhere after them. I would lay down my life and sacrifice it…for my kids and grandkids…in a heartbeat. No questions asked. My love for them supersedes anyone else on this planet. They are at the top of the list in my heart.
That being said…last night, I was telling Vanessa…if Father would come for me right now and take me to be with Him…I would leave everyone and everything behind in a nanosecond. Wouldn’t even say goodbye. I would just go.
I would give it all up to be with Him.
Bond
A little over five years ago, He told me a number of things about the journey of persecution I would go on.
We would have an unshakable, unbreakable bond. Heart to heart. Core to core. Spirit to spirit.
During this time, He told me there was an intimacy greater than physical sex…intimacy of the heart…through His Spirit.
WOWSER!!! He wasn’t kidding.
Although my five years in Hell pushed me outside of my comfort zone in every way…it drove me into a greater depth of intimacy with Father. I had to rely on Him to get me through it.
Satan meant to destroy me…but what happened instead…it forever strengthened my bond of love and intimacy with Father. I am so grateful. Indeed…our bond is unshakable and unbreakable. I would not trade one moment of the last five-plus years for anything. What I have with Him today…is unimaginable. I have never been so in love in my life.
My Heart
Never have I loved anyone like I love Father today. I have never been so thankful for rejection and persecution as I am right now. Without it…without the pain…I would not share the love and intimacy with Father that I do.
Around midnight last night, I was lying in bed with Father…sharing my heart with Him. I felt like He wanted me to get up and share it on this post. It is 2 am now…and I am typing this up in obedience to Him.
Here are a few snippets of what I said to Him.
I am yours…100%. I am a sure thing. Take me. Body…soul…and spirit.
I want to KNOW you. I want to make love to you. Please you. I want you. I desire you. I love you. I NEED you. I care about you.
I want to KNOW what you look like. See your face. Look you in the eyes.
I want to KNOW what you smell like. Memorize the way you smell. Have your scent on my body so I smell like you. I want your smell on me.
I want to touch you…everywhere. To KNOW what you feel like in my hands. In my arms. Your skin up against my skin. To feel our bodies together…touching one another.
I want to KNOW what you taste like. I want to consume you. Devour you. To KNOW your flavors…all of them.
I want you to KNOW me in those ways. I want you to make love to me. To be known by you…and to know you. To love you and be loved by you.
Nothing Else Matters
I have come to a place in my life where nothing else matters to me but Him. He is my obsession. He is my passion…my heart. My heart has been completely consumed by Him…100%.
Sometime in the last few months, He and I were talking about the blog. I am a doer…love to produce. Love to produce fruit. I am a worker…love to work. Father was saying to me…just sit with me. I want you to sit with me. I want to spend time with you.
Him saying those things to me…wow…so sweet. Spending time with the people I love is a big deal to me. Time is one of my love languages. It is important. For Him to say…I want to be with you…just sit and spend time together…melted my heart.
I am so grateful for the last couple of months…just sitting with Him. It is changing, shaping, and molding my heart. It has brought so much healing to my heart and mind.
Vanessa was saying last night…I love the new you. You are so fun…funny. She loved me before…but the newest edition of me…so much greater in value and worth. We both agreed…we love the new life I am living. Looks so much better on me.
Nothing else matters to me…but Him.
New River Gorge Bridge
Father has been flashing this memory in my mind for the last couple of days. I suspected that meant a blog post. Wasn’t wrong. 🤣 Here it is.
A few years ago, Hannah said to me…I think Father wants us to take a trip somewhere…ask Him about it.
I said ok. Then forgot.
She later brought it up again. I shared the truth with her…I forgot.
Then I forgot again. 😂 SO…while in bed one morning…Father said to me…you remember Hannah asking you to ask about the trip. OOPS…yep. Are we supposed to take a trip?? His response…yes…to the New River Gorge Bridge. WOW…ok. When? This weekend.
I called Hannah immediately and made plans to go.
Meanwhile, I am asking Him…why are we going? What are we going to do when we get there? What is the purpose of this trip? All the normal questions.
I knew we were supposed to walk the bridge.
Upon arrival, I went up to one of the park rangers to get a general overview of the area. He shared several things with me. While He was talking…Father gave me the download of what we were supposed to do while there.
Heights
I find Hannah and we head out to my truck. As always…I was going to inform Hannah what Father wanted us to do. The itinerary of our trip. She interrupts me…stops me…and says to me…I don’t want to know. Just surprise me. 😂 😂
Ok…so immediately I am laughing…because Hannah is afraid of heights, and we are going to do the Bridge Walk which is 876ft up in the air. I am thinking…well…I was going to warn her…but she didn’t want to know so here we go.
We drive over to the store and go in to get the tickets for this thing. It was higher in price than the money I had brought in, so I sent Hannah out to the truck to get more money. She comes back in with this quizzical look on her face. Then she says to me…why is it so expensive to walk across a bridge.
I had been waiting on this. One because she WAS a tightwad until she started traveling with me. And two…she still has not noticed the pictures of where we would be walking on the bridge. Her dramatic take on life highly amuses me so I was waiting on her entertaining reaction to the fact she was going to be dealing with her fear of heights in such an in-your-face way.
My response to her question as to why it was so expensive…was to point to the photos.
I won’t repeat the words that came out of her mouth at that moment. The woman at the register was highly entertained by her reaction as well.
I laugh every time I think about this walk.
Inner Healing
While we are getting our harnesses on, Hannah is saying to me…we HAVE to do inner healing on my fear of heights NOW.
I am dying…laughing. She wanted to be surprised…so we surprised her. Had she let me tell her in the truck…we could have sat in the truck and gone through an inner healing session prior to go time here.
She reminds us both…she did tell Father she wanted to work through her issues practically. As in…in the moment. Ok…well…I guess we are going to have an inner healing session ON the bridge then. 🤣 My goodness so much fun.
I gotta say…I was giddy about the walk. It was the next great adventure for me, so I was struggling to get in touch with her emotions. I was basking in elation as the free-spirited woman I am, and she was drowning in fear.
While we are standing in line at the entrance of the bridge to be hooked up to the safety line, she is behind me talking out loud to me trying to run through her emotions to find some lie-based belief about heights.
Half-way Through
While Hannah is glued to my back, I am doing two things. One…taking in the beautiful view below us and all around us. It was glorious. Crazy good. Then secondly…I am listening to Father. Asking Him…why did you bring us to this place. To this bridge at this moment in time. What do you want me to know? I am intent on those two things…being fully in the moment of this amazing experience…and my intimacy with Father while on this bridge.
About halfway through, the guide has us stop. He told everyone…if you want to have a seat and enjoy the view…feel free to do so. We did. Wonderful time.
Father spoke…through Hannah while she was processing her fears.
She said this to me…as long as I am close to you…touching you…looking at you…I am not afraid…but if I look away or you walk away from me…I get scared.
It was at that moment…Father spoke to me.
It pertains to my granddaughter.
Ahnalaya Ann
When she was younger…around this time in her life…she was obsessed with me. Still is to some degree but not like she was when she was a baby. She would prefer me to hold her even over her mother at times. Used to make both Vanessa and Hannah rather salty with me about it. I LOVED it. Tickled me in every way.
However, it was abnormal how much Ahnalaya Ann was obsessed with me. Finally, I asked Father about it. Because now I was starting to wonder why she was so drawn to me. He said simply…it is me. She is drawn to me…in you. It was a spiritual connection. She was drawn to Father. WOW…made so much sense to me.
Hannah has always said…Crystal’s signal is high (with Father.) Vanessa’s take…I have 5G reception. I AM the tower.😂
After asking Father why Ahnalaya Ann was so obsessed with me…I shared His response with the girls. It made sense to them as well and all saltiness disappeared. We all had the truth, and we were all good with it.
Focus
When Hannah shared with me that as long as she was touching me, close to me, and/or looking at me…there was no fear of heights on that bridge…immediately…I KNEW it was Father. It was just like Ahnalaya Ann. My little granddaughter wanted to be close to Father in me. Hannah KNEW she was safe as long as she was close to me. When we were apart…she KNEW she wasn’t safe. She NEEDED to be intimately connected to me…Father…to be stable, safe, and secure. I was a picture of Father to her.
It was really a profound moment for me standing on that bridge putting the puzzle pieces together. He said to me…always stay intimately connected with me. Keep your focus on me. That is where you are safe.
This was super pertinent to me at this season of my life because I was chained in Hell. The battles were real. I remember one night in particular. I worked all night long with Father doing inner healing. Working through horrible stuff. Demons taunting me. Tormenting me. I was drowning in fear. Could barely breathe I was so terrified. Some nights I would hang over the toilet working through the horror show. But this one night…Father sat with me…all night long. Through the worst of it…and as the morning broke…He said the sweetest things to me. Brought me such comfort. I had made it through another night of trauma. I survived once again. I had to keep my focus on Him…to get through those times.
Connection
Intimacy is the connection man needs. Man was created for intimacy. Connection. The problem is…man looks to man for that connection instead of Father, Son, and Spirit.
Man thinks hooking up with someone and having sex…and casual companionship is the intimacy that will fulfill them. It is not. Without the heart-to-heart connection through His Spirit…you will never be fully satisfied. Fully fulfilled.
Father created us to be loved and to love…AND to have that through intimacy. With Him…and with the spouse He created for you to have.
If you don’t have intimacy with Him…no fulfillment.
If you don’t have the spouse He created you to have…no fulfillment. The only intimacy that will fulfill your heart…is the intimacy you build through Him…and with the spouse He created you to have. Your other half. Your soulmate…the ONE.
If you have hooked up with a partner on your own…out of your flesh…not because Father told you to marry that person…it is merely a hook-up…and you are a prostitute committing adultery in Father’s eyes.
Real Deal
For me…I want true connection. Real intimacy. Intimacy that lasts for eternity…not for a night, a few weeks, a few months, or a few years.
I want heart-to-heart. Core to core. Spirit to spirit. You can only get that kind of intimacy…that kind of sex…GREAT sex…through obedience to Father. I want real orgasms…orgasms that last and build over time. Heart orgasms. Orgasms of the heart…build love…a depth of love that a man can’t describe. So beautiful.
I want the real deal…not that fake stuff the world offers.
Nothing else matters to me…but the love and intimacy I have in my relationship with Father…the love of my life. My heart. The one I have given everything up for.
I am head over heels in love with the Creator of the Universe, and I am so not ashamed to share that with the world. He has rocked my world and my heart belongs to Him…100% completely…for eternity. I am sold out. ALL His.
P.S.
Father healed Hannah’s fear of heights on that bridge. After I shared with Hannah the truths Father spoke to me…the fear was gone. The second half of the bridge…she walked with pure enjoyment. He is truly awesome. Love and intimacy with Him… heal the heart and the mind of all pain. Such an amazing experience.
His love and intimacy are THE superpowers all mankind needs.
I would encourage you all…BE intimate with Him.
Love Him…and be intimate with Him. Get to KNOW Him intimately. Allow Him to get to KNOW you intimately.
If you really want love…pursue Him. You won’t regret the love and intimacy you will get from Him. He is the source. He is the well and His well never runs dry. You will get more love and intimacy than you could ever ask for or imagine.
Hookups are not only a waste of your earthly time…they count against you in the end. You will be judged for it…every single moment…and it is a debt you don’t really want to pay. It will cost you more than you understand.
Pursue His love and intimacy.