I remember back in 2008, Father said to me…I will prepare a table for you in the presence of your enemies. I was going through it as some would say. It was a rough year. Fought a hard battle. I won…but it cost me.
Stick a pin there.
Let me jump around here.
The photos…
Felt like these were the pics Father chose for this post. Strange…but His ways are not like ours. 🤷♀️
The pictures are from Archer’s second birthday party. Vanessa made her wonderful cookies for the party. Archer and Mavis like cows. 🐄😜 If I remember correctly, Bobbi, Mitchell, and Mavis had just left to head to Harrisburg for their temporary transfer. They missed the party. 🎈😫
Enemies
I felt like I was supposed to do a second post today. Strange. Wasn’t expecting that. Thought it was weird this morning that He was rushing me to get the post started and finished earlier today. Now I know why.
He and I were talking about vindication. Justification. I felt like He was saying to me…you NEED those things. You NEED me to defend you. To be your defender.
I stopped to think about that for a bit. I looked back over the last thirty-plus years of my walk with Him. Wow…the persecution I have endured by mankind is absolutely baffling to me.
I have been kicked to the curb on repeat. Run out of churches in the Christian Religious System. I have been called every name in the book. Been told I was crazy more times than I can count.
Been told I don’t know Father. Called delusional…a stalker. Been accused of being a cult leader…despite the fact I have no following. 😂
Threatened to have a restraining order against me. Threatened to be arrested. Been taken to court.
My relationship with Father has cost me two marriages. Cost me more relationships than I can count.
I am telling you…it has cost me everything.
Even my children have thought I had lost my mind.
Defender
I have mentioned in previous posts, that years ago, Father told me…”DO NOT defend yourself. Don’t say a word. If you say one word to defend yourself, I am going to give the job to you.”
Before He gave me that command, He showed me the math contained in that job. Incredible to see. I KNEW there was no point in me ever trying to defend myself. What an astronomically HUGE waste of my time, energy, and emotions.
NOT going to do it.
He promised me…He would be my Defender.
I realized this afternoon…I not only NEED Him to do that for me, I want Him to.
Needs
For reasons unknown to me, He wants me to share my heart needs publicly. 🤷♀️ He makes me shake my head in perplexion, often.
This afternoon, I was trying to figure out how this thing is going to play out. Don’t know why I try…but I do. 🤔🤦♀️🤨
I realized…I really need this fantasy story to be true. I NEED Him to show a whole host of people that I am not a crazy woman. Not a stalker. Not delusional. It would be really nice if He brought vindication to me…for me.
I can’t imagine what it would feel like for the first time in my life, to be defended. For Father to show my enemies, He loves me. To prove to them…I was telling the truth this whole time. I was obeying Him.
I have always wanted a husband who was proud to call me his wife. A man who WANTED me on his arm. Wanted to tell the whole world, that I was HIS wife. His. A husband who was honored to be yoked to me. A man who was proud to stand beside me. A man who KNEW I was not crazy…that I am a woman who hears from Father…and I follow Him.
Heart
Following Father has been hard. A hard walk. A hard journey. It has been worth it. The intimacy I have with Him makes it all worth it.
When I was in DC the last time, He told me He was going to pop my cherry. He meant my virgin heart. I know what it is like to love. I have loved the unlovable. Mastered that. I have loved my enemies despite how they treated me. Forgiveness is easy for me. Mastered that oodles of years ago.
What I don’t know though is what it is like to be loved with passion. Fire. Haven’t experienced that. So used to being the least of the least. Haven’t a clue what it is like to be elevated. To be LOVED like a man loves a woman. How a husband loves a wife.
I have always been so busy loving others. Keeping my head down and doing the work He has required of me…I haven’t gotten to experience the reciprocity of what being loved is like.
I NEED that too.
Felt led to share. 💘