Father woke me up around 2 this morning. It is now 7:30 and I am not feeling like I am any closer to understanding why He woke me up, what He is saying, and what He wants from me. 😳 I know He wants me to type this blog post up. Got that. Clear there. What this post is about…pretty murky still. 🤷♀️
Hoping it becomes clear as I type. I suspect, in part, this is about my frustration with how difficult it is to be in a relationship with Him. 😂 No one can frustrate me like He can. Goodness. He says He is worth the work. 🤨 I often tell Him…I am still undecided on that yet. 😉 He gives me a hard time…so I give it right back to Him.
The Spirit Realm
I tell people…the spirit realm is no place to play. Seriously…if you have any guide other than Holy Spirit as your Spirit Guide…you are in trouble. You are doomed for disaster. Demons will take you down a road/path you don’t want to go down. Mental illness…seriously. Demons will make your mind a playground that will drive you to madness. Serious disaster. NOT kidding.
Demons create chaos and confusion in your mind through lies and deception. Then they stir that pot. They keep stirring all those lies and deception around making you feel like you are insane. Like you have lost your mind. Lies and deception constantly move…they get tangled up. The bottom falls out. They shift. Lies and deception do not stand still. You can’t pin them down. It feels like craziness in your head.
I know this intimately. Battling demons is no joke.
I have encountered many of them over the years, but I remember the first time I had a conversation with one of them. It was about 15 years ago or so. Father and I had been having a discussion. Won’t go into the details. That is a different post…but I wasn’t liking the answer Father was giving me. I was asking for something, and He was telling me no.
The Demonic
During the middle of the night, while talking to Father again about the issue, a demon spoke to me. He said yes…he was willing to give me what I wanted.
I was perplexed. Two different answers. Had Father changed His mind???? It KIND of sounded like Him…but not really. I wasn’t sure.
I liked the answer though, so I went with it. My thoughts were…maybe Father had changed His mind. The voice sounded pleasant. Warm. Fuzzy. Wonderful. Loving.
Turns out…not so loving after all. It didn’t take me long to realize that voice…was NOT Father. Within 24 hours, I was in a mental spiral downward.
That was a nightmare of epic proportions.
Got right back on the wagon with Holy Spirit as my guide once I figured out what path I had started going down. I repented…apologized for going that way. Father helped me to see and understand…I did that because I didn’t like the answer He was giving me. I preferred what the demon was promising me. I wanted what my selfish flesh wanted, and the demon was willing to satisfy my selfish flesh. That is a road to destruction…literally. It starts in the mind. Mental destruction.
Firewall
Boundaries. SO important across the board in all aspects of life.
I am doing a lot of foundation setup work behind the scenes getting prepared for my business to be ready for launch time. With that…I have upcoming appointments with judges, attorneys, and accountants. Estate planning has to be part of my business setup. I want my business inside of a trust. In that trust, my business will start out small but morph into an S-corp. Gotta save on taxes wherever I can. Father has already shown me what to do with my profits and who will manage them. I need a firewall to keep those assets safe. My plan is to build one by hiring the right people to be on my financial team.
I am building on the rock. Not just for myself but for the generations that will come after me. Leaving an inheritance for my children’s children.
Much work to do.
My financial firewall is a boundary…to keep the enemy OUT. To keep the enemy from stealing what Father and I are building for His children.
Spiritual Firewall
Holy Spirit…is your FIREwall in the spirit realm. Following Him every step of the way…keeps you safe. It separates you from the darkness.
Simon and Garfunkel wrote…”Hello darkness, my old friend” in The Sound of Silence…but darkness is not your friend. If you believe it is…you are deceived. The enemy of your soul has deceived you. You can’t see in the darkness and when you are walking around in the dark…you WILL get hurt. You will hurt yourself. You WILL stumble and you WILL fall.
It is only in the light…that you can walk safely. Christ is the LIGHT…and Holy Spirit is the one who guides you to the Light. Him. Think of the light as the truth…because they are one and the same. Think of darkness as lies and deception…because they are the same.
Darkness=death=lies and deception=hate. Interchangeable words.
Light=life=truth=love. Interchangeable words.
Our moon is a picture of Holy Spirit…the lesser light to guide you through the darkness. The fire at night that led the Israelites through the Wilderness. Christ is the greater light…the sun/Son who guides us through the day. The brighter light. They are the two witnesses of all events who work together in tandem as a team to lead us to Father. They will always speak the truth to you. To guide you to Him. They are always in unity. The two of them…will NEVER lead you astray. Never lie to you.
Father’s Ways
Vanessa sent me a text the other day…I am sharing a bit of that here.
It was highly amusing to me. She normally amuses me…greatly.
Being my right arm/hand…she has been frustrated with Father as well. The whole family has been. The fire He has put us through…wowser bowser man…we got scorched. Every one of us. 😳
In her text, I love her line…giving answers in riddles. 🤣🤨🤷♀️
Yes…a pain in my rear. 🥺 We are so done with the riddles already. Crystal is clear…I AM Clearly Crystal…so be clear. 🤷♀️ I keep saying to Him…what part of that do you not understand???
I am so tired of His puzzles, riddles, story problems, and games. Goodness…so over it.
I keep telling Him…I am done. Stick a fork in me…the offering is fully cooked. The pin has popped. I am dried out now I am so done. The meat is getting way past edible at this point in time. No soft, tender, moist, and juicy here…I am jerky now. Hard and gotta chew a LOT. 🤣
Sailing
This morning, I saw a vision.
I was sailing away in a boat…hence the title. Behind me, in my wake was a person in the water trying to swim to catch up with the boat. To board it.
Dreams and visions are (in part) mathematical story problems.
I used to hate math. Spent a lot of time doing inner healing on math just so I wouldn’t be livid every time I had to work out a spiritual mathematical story problem. 🤨 A perk…I no longer hate math.
Ok…so this vision…what does it mean? Haven’t a clue. 🤷♀️
I have no idea if the person was a male or female. Couldn’t tell.
Here is where having Holy Spirit as your spirit guide is important. The language of the spirit realm is different than the language of our soul. It requires a translator. In walks Holy Spirit. He can speak both languages.
The answers to the spiritual puzzles, riddles, problems, and games…have to be revealed to you…by Him. Your soul man can’t figure those things out through logic, reasoning, and critical thinking skills.
Understanding spiritual things is a work of His Spirit…not a work of the flesh. Man’s flesh will get it wrong every single time. Spiritual matters are spiritually discerned…by Holy Spirit…the only Truthful Spirit Guide. It is spiritual discernment…discernment of the spirit…in the spirit, see?
The Photos
Let me explain the photos in this post quickly before I move forward with the meat of this post.
Years ago, our friends had a sailboat. They kept it at Kentucky Lake/Lake Barkley (can’t remember which lake for certain) for a time preparing to sail it to the Florida Keys. They took some time living on it at the marina to get used to it and work out any kinks before sailing down to the Keys to live permanently.
We went down to the lake for a day of sailing before they started on their amazing journey.
The photos in this post are from our day of sailing. Super relaxing and fun day for us all. I decided I enjoy sailing. 😜
The Keys
Our friends made the journey to the Keys and lived there for a time on this little sailboat. Later they chose to upgrade to a larger boat…then eventually another boat. 😂 The last few pictures are from our time in the Florida Keys with them. A year or so after our sailing adventure in KY, we drove down to stay with them for a time on their larger boat.
The boys got to play in the ocean and swim with the dolphins.
Freedom
So thankful for the privilege I had to homeschool my children. They got to experience life in ways the public school kids never do. I appreciated the freedom. Every day was a new adventure for us. Exhilarating.
Sorting and Processing
Here are some of my thoughts on the sailing vision. I am sorting and processing. This is me…using my logic, reasoning, and critical thinking skills. The flesh of my soul. My carnal mind. The fleshly mind.
Why am I doing that when I just said to you earlier that you can’t figure out spiritual matters using the soul? Because I want you to see how people do that. It is how most think it works. You think it is something and go with it.
The problem is…it doesn’t work. You NEVER know what Father is saying if you do it this way. It could mean one of these things, parts, and pieces of them, all of them, or something completely different. 🤣
But…at times…as I process and sort…He will download the truth I need to understand what He is saying to me. Sometimes they work in tandem. But not always. 🤨
Crazy how He works. 🤷♀️ To KNOW the truth…you have to ask the one speaking it.
The Sailing Vision
The person who is swimming behind me…could be one specific person. A person who is literally trying to catch up with me as I have sailed away…moved on.
It also could be a symbol representing a group of people. Humanity. Mankind.
Let me explain why I say that.
Father and I have been talking about Noah lately. In part, about the covenant He made with Noah. Also in part, about Noah’s lifestyle. How he preached to the people for many years trying to get them to see and accept the truth. That truth…in part…Father was going to wipe the earth clean. The people were in a state of depravity and Father was tired of it. He was ready to start over with a whole new batch. Wipe the slate clean so to speak. Dump the trash. Bury it. They wanted death…He was going to give them what they wanted…death. He was going to drown every last one of them who continued to ignore His messenger…Noah.
The people made fun of him. Mocked him. Called him crazy. Delusional. Thought he was off his rocker. Mentally ill. Insane.
They called good evil and evil good.
Truth
Father was giving each and every one of those people the opportunity to hear the truth, accept it, apologize (repent), and straighten their acts up. To dump the filth and get clean. To be right with Him. Be righteous. To change their ways.
They did not…so He killed them. All. The only ones who lived…were Noah, his wife, his sons, and their wives. All the rest…wiped out. Total devastation. They got what they deserved and what they wanted. The people wanted death…He loved them enough to give them YEARS’ worth of warnings to do right and change BEFORE He killed them.
They had no excuse, and He is not to blame. The guilty people had to take all the blame. They found that out when they met their maker. All of a sudden…Noah didn’t seem crazy to them anymore. Learned their lesson the hard way. Too late to change then. The truth didn’t convict them when they heard it here on Earth, so it became their convictor in Father’s court of law there in the Heavenly realm.
The truth will either convict your heart here on Earth or it will make you a convict in Hell for eternity.
Way less painful to soften your heart here and accept the truth BEFORE it is too late. Eternal conviction in Hell…no joking matter.
Conviction and a simple apology here…takes minutes…then it is all better.
No heart conviction and apologies here…never gets better there. Immeasurable suffering there.
The Door
Something else Father and I have been discussing about Noah is the door of the Ark. Noah did NOT shut the door. Neither did his sons. No man did. Father shut that door Himself.
As Father Time, Father decided when the time had come to close the door to the people’s opportunity to repent…to change…to apologize.
Man doesn’t know that time. Only He does.
There is a point in time, in every soul’s life…that the door closes on the ability to voluntarily bow to Him. At some point in time, if you are hard-hearted…He will turn you over to your selfish sinful nature and close the door to His heart. Christ is the door. He is the way.
He can close the door to you as an individual.
At some point in time, He will close that door to all of humanity as well.
This is why I say the person in the vision could represent a group of people. It could represent all of mankind. Humanity in general…not a specific person.
Another Option
It could also represent an idol. The person was a body…which could represent the flesh. The selfish flesh of man. A sinful nature. (Disobedience)
So, it could represent something I have given up that is a form of disobedience that is chasing after me…to pursue me.
This is not what He is saying to me, but it is another option to think about when looking at a dream and/or vision. Looking at both positive and negative sides is important to me.
As far as the negative side of the vision, it could also mean that I am leaving someone behind I should not be. Jumping the gun so to speak and leaving too early.
It is something I am processing. Asking Him…what are you saying to me through this vision?
Dreams and visions are conversation starters for Him. He wants to have a conversation with you…that is why He sends you dreams and visions. He is talking to you, and He wants you to ask Him to say more.
Also…He wants you to work for it. Work for Him. Labor to understand…because He is worth the work. Like I always say…I am not free, cheap, and easy. I am not a prostitute looking for a hookup. I want a commitment. He is the same.
It is Time to Go
Yesterday, He told me it was time to go.
I asked…go where.
I am itching to travel. BAD! Seriously. I feel the time to go word.
With the vision this morning, He is also singing the song Sailing…written by Carter Burwell and sung by Christopher Cross.
Another song He has been singing the last couple of weeks is Almost Paradise performed by Mike Reno and Ann Wilson.
He has promised me paradise. My promised land. I have been wandering around in the Wilderness for years now. Ready to get out of this place. A place of lack…a place of being sustained only on what He provides.
These two songs are parts of the equation to the spiritual mathematical story problem. They are numbers to add in. Addition. Puzzle pieces to fit into the storyline…the story problem.
I think it is apropos to call them story problems. Certainly feels like a problem to me the whole way through it. I have done years’ worth of inner healing work on the issue of His lack of clarity, and I am still triggered by it. Finally, I told Him…you want me fixed…you are just going to have to do it for me because I am not doing any more digging looking for issues on this matter. 🤷♀️
Another Thought
Another thought that comes to mind regarding this vision is regarding a conversation Father and I had the other day. It was continued with Vanessa and then again with Father. It is pertinent to the discussion. Another piece of the puzzle. Another number…piece to add to the equation to get the answer.
Father and I were discussing my role in humanity. (Remember the person could represent humanity generally speaking.) I have been asking Him to show me who I am to Him. How He feels about me. What He thinks of me. Speak the truth to me…about me. Positive stuff here. I have spent 30 years digging through the negative parts of me. Been cleaning all of that up. We have worked through and past the negative. I must see, hear, know, and understand the positive about me now. It is important to my security in Him.
He has been blessing me with truths about me lately.
Overwhelming truths.
Things I struggle to process really.
Mind-blowing. 🤯 Hurts my brain kind of stuff. Not sure where to land with it. How to handle it. What to do with it.
I called Vanessa to share some of it with her. She is my sounding board. I was saying to her…am I making this up???? Is this for real? Is He really saying this to me??? Like, am I full of it here or what?
Compassion
As I share with her, she will often hear from Father. She then shares that with me.
Her response was about a YouTube video. She was telling me about this video and how that related to me in what Father was saying to me. As she began to describe the video, I said…oh yes…I have seen that.
The video is at Liberty University where Jordan Peterson is one of the men speaking. A man rushes to the stage. You can watch the four-minute video here.
When we got off the phone, I went back and watched the video again. I wept for that man. I wept for humanity.
Father reminded me of a time when He had me listen to the song Heathens by Twenty One Pilots. We played this on repeat for days. Before stepping into the shower one morning, He said…play it. Put it on repeat. I obeyed. While in the shower, with the song playing…I am soaking in the lyrics. He began to POUR His compassion into me for the broken, the hurting. The sick. The injured. Heathens. Those who NEED Him…yet don’t realize they need Him. I stood in the shower and wept. Cried for the lost and broken. Those who are hurting and desperate to be healed.
I felt that again when I watched this man rush the stage to be near Jordan. A man who is hurting, broken, and desperate for help. A man who is crying out to KNOW Father and to be well. That man KNEW he was not well…he KNEW he needed help and he was not too proud and arrogant to BEG for it.
This man made an absolute public spectacle of himself because of his desperation to be mentally well. Truly…I am in AWE of that man. I KNOW that man’s pain.
Desperation
I cry for that man. Because I was that man. I have been in that man’s shoes. So many times, I thought I would die I was in so much pain. Physical pain. Mental pain. Emotional pain. Spiritual pain. Heart pain. Mind pain. If you could have pain…I had it.
I KNOW desperation intimately. In every way.
I loved how the men responded to him. They exercised compassion and love for him. They prayed for him. Jordan even reached out and touched him. He wanted to help the man…wanted him to get what he needed. Beautiful response. That is a panel of men right there. That is NOT how the world responds to people in mental anguish…they mock them and make fun of them. They push them aside. They ignore them. The world has no answers for those who are in mental anguish. The anguish of soul. No real solutions that make permanent positive changes.
I do…because Father does. Father is the answer. He is the solution.
Back to Sailing
So, I go back to the sailing vision. I know for me…it is time to go. Father has made that clear. I believe it is time for me to go to paradise. My ship is sailing away. (May I just say…thank the good Lord in Heaven above! 😜)
As I look at the person swimming to my boat as I am sailing away…in conjunction with the video of the mentally ill man who is crying and begging for help…I examine my own heart. Personally, anyone…man, woman, or child that would beg me for help…I would reach out my hand and pull them up in my boat. My heart is for the humble-hearted beggars…begging for help. Why? Because I was desperate for help and no man could help me. I KNOW that feeling. KNOW that desperation.
I also KNOW the WAY…intimately. He is the way. He was my help. Is my help. Is our helper. For years, I have been building the road so humanity can drive His way. I paved the way. Call me the Pioneer.
I would never turn anyone away that humbly and honestly wanted help. My heart is too full of compassion to turn the humble heart away.
However, I know that many will be left behind because they waited too long to humble their hearts and repent.
That…is the hard part for me…leaving behind the ones who realize the truth…when it is too late.
Don’t be the one who waits too long my friend. Only Father knows when it is too late for you. Be the humble man in the video who is begging to know Father…to be well mentally. Be the one who is honest with self and see the truth of who you are compared to Father. Reach out today…and ask for His help. He is so willing…so loving. He will accept you and He will help you.
2 thoughts on “Sailing Away”
I AM IN TEARS. This is so powerful. At times it amazes me how easy to drift from remembering everything Father has brought us to and through. HE loves us so much. And I do not want to miss out on experiencing and spreading that same love onto others that are looking for that more ! I needed to hear this thank you so much Father is using you to literally wreck me and I’m so beyond thankful!
Thanks. Glad to be of service. Love you!