The featured image is a snap Bobbi sent me from a game our family plays called Sequence. My grandmother introduced me to this game many years ago. Grandma had her favorite games, and I loved playing with her. I bought this game to add to our family’s favorites we played in our home. When Mitchell moved into his apartment years ago, I sent him all the family games and puzzles.
Bobbi’s hand in the photo reminds me of a time when Mr. Mitchell Man and I spent an hour or so playing Sequence when he was in high school. He slaughtered me that day. I am not sure I won any of the games we played. I will never forget the very last game we played. SO over losing every game. 🙃
I won the last game. Finally. Mitchell set his cards down and as I was gathering all the cards…that is what his hand looked like. It was at that moment I realized he had been sitting there with that hand…holding back from me because he felt sorry for me and decided to let me win a game.
He saw I saw…we looked at each other with both light bulbs on and I said with incredulity…what did you just do son? Sheepishly he smiled and said…I felt sorry for you. Never did figure out how to file that in my head. 😂🤷♀️
Short
I feel like I am going to keep this a short post. So much happening behind the scenes in this family and with me.
I spent several days processing and partially typing up a LONG post about future things…then I decided to stop. I came to a screeching halt.
Here is why. I have no idea what I really went through these past seven years. Can’t make heads or tails of it truthfully. Never settled on anything solid.
With that mindset, I decided sharing any other “prophetic” stuff was pointless. I have no idea what the truth is. What the truth was.
The promises I thought were true and were supposed to appear…have not. Did not. I came to the end, and nothing happened. It seems foolish to continue speaking about matters regarding other people’s futures when I have no evidence that I was speaking truth in the past.
To speak of prophetic things about America and/or the world without proof that I was right in the past about my own life…is foolish. I need evidence in this world to continue moving forward with Father. With no proof that I am indeed speaking Father’s truths…I am not willing to speak any longer.
Payment
One of the things I have said on repeat, I haven’t been paid any wages…in 30-plus years of working for Father…no wages. To “prophecy” things for a nation…the masses…the world…I have decided two things. One…that is way above my pay grade. Two…I haven’t gotten paid for past wages. I am not willing to move forward in this relationship and/or work without wages. That includes back wages.
Not exactly sure why I am typing this post up…but it feels right to do.
Bobbi called yesterday asking about my birthday. She was considering paying the blog renewal fee for me as a birthday gift. I told her…I am not really interested in breadcrumbs from Father any longer. At this point in time…it is now or never. All or nothing. I am done.
We agree. Either Father gives it all to me now…or I am disappearing from view.
Position
Over the weekend, our family did a lot of relational work. Lots of digging deep. Hard to believe what our little family has accomplished.
I was telling Vanessa this morning…it feels like everyone was assigned a place and a value. Each got their own room. Everyone has their position even if they don’t realize it. 😂
Powerful weekend plus.
It also brought me to two conclusions.
One…all I have ever wanted was to be a wife and a mother. To be the best wife and mother I could be.
In that…I wanted the heart of my husband…and the hearts of my children.
To me…that was the highest position ever…to be a wife and mother.
What had the most value to me was to have the hearts of the people I loved the most. It was about having a heart exchange. I sacrifice mine for them…they sacrifice theirs for me. I would give them my heart. In turn, I wanted them to give me theirs.
Love and Intimacy
It was about love for me. I wanted to know them and love them. Wanted them to know me and love me.
Very simple.
I will be 54 tomorrow. I have spent the majority of that life without the love I always wanted. This ole gal is tired…and I am done. Got nothing left to give. My heart has been poured out completely. I am an empty vessel.
This morning, I was telling Father…I need to experience your love for me physically here on Earth. Hands-on learning is how He makes me learn. Since that is how He has been teaching me…I told Him…He needs to make it happen physically for me. I need to KNOW intimately…experientially His love for me. In this world. This realm. I need His hands on me physically. 🤷♀️
I have reached the end of me. The end of this. I have become an immovable rock…like a mountain. If He doesn’t move mountains for me to experience His great love for me now…giving all to me…I am disappearing. Gone forever.
I wanted His heart. The hearts of the people I loved. In that pursuit, I gave mine up. Got nothing left to give anyone.
I am empty. 100%.
Felt led to share. Just going to let this sit here. 🤷♀️