Father led me to post this text conversation between Vanessa and I, which started with her sending me the song Shadow by Livingston. I have it playing on repeat. I am in love with this song…for so many reasons. 😂 Won’t go into those reasons; too many for this post.
When she sent it to me, I was sitting outside working. Immediately, I pulled the lyrics up before I even listened to the song. I had to laugh at the craziness of my life. Hannah and I have been discussing concepts related to several of the words in this song. We have been discussing the Bride going through the 40-year Wilderness period. Some of those concepts are in this song. Boggles my mind.
As soon as I read the lyrics, I entered the house and handed the phone to Hannah. As she read the lyrics, she shook her head in amazement.
I LOVE the shadow on the floor part. For many years, as I taught people…I would always tell them the same thing…my own worst enemy is not Satan…it is myself.
That was a fact. The only power he ever had over me was the power I gave him. It was a powerful truth for me. Changed the way I viewed myself and Satan.
I love the fact that I am changeable, moldable, fixable, repairable, and He can wash me clean. Frees me up from having to beat the shit out of myself. It is called grace, mercy, and forgiveness from myself to myself. One of the biggest blessings of my life. When others were not able to love me and forgive me…I could. I did. 🥰
Elevation
I feel like it is time for my elevation. The desire to do videos is pushing me. I need to be seen. To be known by the masses.
Last night, I was telling Hannah…Father needs to shit or get off the pot here. It is time for me to go. Time for me to be center stage. Tired of so many things. A long list.
Let me share a few.
I am tired of…
- Sitting back and watching people talking about me online. There are well over 10,000 comments about me on different YouTube videos. So over it.
- Reading people talk about me as if they know me. Know my life. What I have endured.
- Silently watching people falsely claiming to be me with no repercussions. People claiming my title. My position. My calling.
- Being hidden on my little space on the World Wide Web.
- Hiding myself. Tired of avoiding the conversations about who I am and what I am doing when with others.
- Being silent. Damn…I am feeling the need to shout the truth from the mountain tops.
- Being the last of the last. The least of the least. Time to be out in front of the crowd.
- Watching Christians steal from the poor and needy. Ready to start kicking some asses.
When I was sharing this stuff with Hannah last night, I said…I sometimes wonder what Father thinks of my mouth. She laughed and said…I believe He loves it. Loves you. Loves your big personality.
🤷♀️😂
I AM Coming
Last night was a busy night. I think I got about 3 and a half hours sleep. Man…I worked hard. Had lots of puzzle pieces to a mathematical spiritual story problem to get worked out. I think I got where I needed to go. I felt so relieved. When I finished up the work in the early morning hours, Father said to me…I AM Coming. Jesus is coming.
I told Him…I have never felt so loved and so relieved in all my 54 years. Never. The morning before, He woke me up serenading me with the song What a Wonderful World sung by Louis Armstrong.
First, He was only singing the words I love you. Then later, He added that Crystal Ann Laura would say what a wonderful word it was.
That is sweet, right? I think so.
However, I told Him…NOT even close to touching my heart like hearing Him say He was coming. I thought my heart might explode right out of my chest. Relief. Love. An overwhelming goodness came over me.
This morning, I knew…it is all coming together. It is time.
Strength
It reminded me of a vision I saw recently of a man. He was naked and standing in front of me. His penis was blurred out. I could NOT see his manhood.
However, what I could see was his body. It was MAGNIFICENT. When I say that…I am not talking sexually. That is not my mindset here.
I am an info junkie for real. I love me some A&P. This ole gal could study anatomy all day long. Everything about the body fascinates me.
His body was an incredible specimen of strength. Layers of strength. It was supernatural.
Ya know how some men work out in the gym and get really buff? Like unnaturally buff? It is kind of the small penis syndrome…like when a man has to rev up his motorcycle or speedster car to show you how loud it is? I always say the same thing to them as they drive by me…yes…I know…your balls are big, and your penis is even bigger. Sure honey…I hear ya. I am SO impressed with your shallow manhood. We all know…you are SO tough. 🤦♀️🤷♀️
This man’s strength was different. If he had clothes on…you wouldn’t KNOW and/or see his strength. It would have been hidden. I could see the strength of each muscle because he was naked in front of me.
I can’t even describe to you the supernatural strength of this man’s body. Like nothing I had ever seen before. I was in awe of it.
It was a quiet, humble strength. NOT the loud and proud, overly puffed up, exaggerated fleshly strength of an insecure man.
Such an amazing difference between the two.
Manhood
This morning…after working most of the night…I felt like Father was saying it was time for me to see His manhood. To see this supernatural strength. Up close and personal. To experience it.
He was sharing with me…He created me to KNOW Him…all of Him which is why I have always wanted that. Father created me…to share Himself with me. He WANTS to share EVERYTHING with me. To give it all to me.
Wow…I am honored.
It is time for the truth to be revealed to me. Time for revelation of truth. Time for me to see what true manhood looks like. Supernatural strength.
A dream come true…for real. I can’t remember a time in my life when I haven’t wanted to experience what Christ’s manhood felt like. Even as a child, I wanted to see a man…men BE honorable men.
I am going to get to experience that in real time. In real life.
I might pass out for real.
Peace
This afternoon, I realized…I don’t have to do anything. It is all up to Father now. It is time for the show. For Him to show me and tell me the truth. All of that…is on Him. Not me.
I can’t tell you how peaceful it is. I feel so relieved. It is like the weight/wait is gone. Lifted off me. I can let go of it.
Was tired of carrying it. He can carry me instead. 😜
I am ready to see His manhood. See what He can do. To see what He will do. Kind of excited. NOT going to hide it. Feeling a bit giddy with anticipation. 🙃🔥💃🏻