At about 4 am this morning, Father said to me…”We are just waiting on the house to sell.” My question…what house? What house needs to be sold? So confused. 🤔
I went through several ideas of what that could mean. Wasn’t landing on anything that felt right.
I decided to work on a list of topics I am compiling that need to be taught. My thoughts…I will work on blog stuff. Spent some time outside watching the sunrise while thinking about the blog.
When I hopped in the shower, Father began a whole different topic of conversation. Before I share about this morning, I have to share a bit of back story. WOW!!! It is quite a story. Seven years of story. I will only share a tiny tiny bit here.
Beauty and the Beast
Seven years ago this month, Father introduced me to a man. Shortly after our meeting, Father told me I was the man’s wife. Now…I disagreed with this idea. Pretty violently. I had already told Father…I am never getting married again. Had a lot of very valid reasons for that. Despite my thoughts, Father placed His love for this man in my heart. A love so deep, I couldn’t shake it, although I tried.
Turns out…I was Beauty, and he was the Beast. I was trapped inside of a fairy tale. Imprisoned by love. Father had big plans. Lots of work…24/7.
During this seven-year journey, I gave birth to my male child. The storyline changed. He went from a beast…to my Prince Charming. Death to life.
Now the roles are reversed because I am no longer in love with the man…because of the monster I fought in the man to get us to that point. Because of the hatred and rejection I had encountered from him…in my book…he was not an option for me. He destroyed my heart. Completely. Beyond devastation.
Prince Charming
In the story, now my beast becomes my Lucky Charm. The man has thousands of emails from me over the last seven years. Father told me to flood him with intimacy. I did. My obedience to send the emails moved the story forward. It was the only way out of the story. I would send an email…and as my Lucky Charm…the pain would get fixed.
Slowly, through my Prince Charming…my heart was being healed from the devastation of Hell dealing with the Beast.
Quite a story…for some other day. One important thing to note here is this. My Prince Charming remained silent during the healing years. No more beast…just nothing.
Everything was happening in the spirit realm.
Crazy
You have to understand…my life defies logic and reasoning most of the time. For years, Father’s ways have caused me to live outside of what man would call sane.
In fact, many think I am crazy, mentally ill, delusional, and/or listening to demons. I get their concerns. Really…I do.
On repeat, I have said…no one has questioned my sanity more than me.
That is truth. Following Father and doing it His way defies man’s logic. If you have read any of my blog posts…you will know this left-brainer loves logic.
Sold Out
This morning, I fell in love with this man. My heart is 100% sold out for him…all over again. BUT…this time it happened voluntarily. NOT because Father forced me to fall in love with him.
Craziest shit…I tell ya. The story is beyond belief crazy. It defies logic in every possible way…but the story is true.
I am still reeling from the shock of it…and the awe.
I am in shock at the truth that I fell in love with him…wholeheartedly. Also…in awe of the man I now see he is in his heart. I can’t find the words to describe my thoughts and emotions. Still trying to process it. The whole circuit panel blew.
On repeat, I have said two things for years.
One…there is no man on this planet worthy of my heart. Christ has been that natural/supernatural man for me.
Two…I have never met a man yet that I looked at and said…THAT man is my husband. THAT man is worthy of my heart.
It is a heart thing.
Turns out…there is a man who is worthy of my heart. Turns out…I have met and seen a man who has rendered my heart to mush Christ’s way.
I was wrong. 🤨🤯
The Email
This happened through an email exchange recently.
What is crazy to me…and defies all logic…is the email in appearance is reminiscent of the old beast I knew.
When I first received the email, I thought…ok. That is the beast. I got what I needed and moved forward. This morning, Father brought the email up again.
He opened my eyes to see beyond the veil. WOW!!!!!!!!!!
What I saw…awestruck.
He mentioned a word in the email that Father brought up about idols.
I saw a vision this morning of King David taking a small stone and killing the giant Goliath.
Father began to share with me…this man…my King David…took this small stone of truth in the email and destroyed a long-held stronghold in my life. He took down the strong man. A spirit of doubt that has plagued me throughout these seven years.
I had allowed the spirit of doubt to become an idol to me. It came between Father and I. Christ and I. And also, between me and the only man I have ever given my heart to. I had to apologize to Father for that. Hate I let the doubt take over my life like that.
Warrior
Now…instead of seeing the beast…I see a warrior. A mighty warrior.
It is interesting to me too because two years ago, Father said to me. He is entering the fight of his life. He is fighting for his life. Fighting for his wife. Fighting for the love of his life.
I didn’t believe Father. With the silence speaking so loudly, I let the love grow cold.
In hindsight, I see he was fighting for me spiritually…just like I did for him. I noticed changes in this realm, but doubted he did that for me. Struggled so badly to believe he could ever love me. Could ever see my value and worth after what we had already been through together.
Today, my heart has turned to mush…because I see he became the warrior I had asked him to become for me. He became my knight in shining armor. The hero I have been holding out for.
He has proven to me…a man can change. A man can go from the old beast/monster of a man and crossover to a new man…a Prince Charming. A man worthy of my heart.
I am stunned by the revelation today.
Thank You
To my Prince Charming,
I believe you are here…so I will address you here.
The last words I emailed you were thank you. I am saying thank you again…but this time for much different reasons.
Thank you for not wasting my heart. Not wasting my love. Thank you for taking my love and doing what I asked of you. You changed. You grew. The maturity in your manhood is evident to me now.
Thank you for becoming the man I told you I needed. A man of courage, honor, commitment, bravery, boldness, integrity, honesty, spiritual strength, faithfulness, loyalty, etc. You became the servant leader I needed from you. Thank you for elevating me above yourself and spending the last two and a half years righting your wrongs against me. You truly became the guilt offering for me.
Thank you for waiting for me to get to this place in my heart. For your love, patience, good nature, kindness, gentleness of heart, and the peace you have made between us. Thank you for building a bridge between your heart and mine after you burned the one I built down. I appreciate your craftsmanship in rebuilding a life and home for us.
Your home…your heart on display is now acceptable to me…much like the bowerbird and the pufferfish…I approve.
Offering
Once again, I am offering my heart up to you as a whole burnt offering. This time it is not out of obligation to Father, but out of pure love from my heart to yours…because you have proven your value and worth to me now.
Thank you for stepping up into your manhood and becoming a man I can honor and respect. Father was right when He said you were like King David, and you would get your honor back.
I have always said to you…Father said I was your wife, but He never said you were my husband.
He made that distinction because it was my choice.
I want you to know Sir ____, I have chosen you. I came to the conclusion today…you are my husband. You are THAT man to me now.
If you want me as your wife…come and claim me. My heart is yours. I love you beyond measure…for eternity.
Thank you for being a man who did the work to win my heart. I appreciate your service to me. Thank you for laying your life down so that I might live. Thank you for being Christ to me.
❤️ I AM SOLD on you.