Spreading Manure

Spreading manure is a funny title don’t ya think? I think. This whole theme Father has going on right now is HIGHLY amusing to me. To the fam actually. I have SO many words to say in this post…might as well take a seat and get comfy. This is going to be long. I hope you find some amusement as well in how Father has been speaking to me recently.

A little admin stuff before I get into the story.

For starters…this post is about shit. If you are a legalist/religious zealot who is offended by words you consider bad…you better back out of this post now. This is your disclaimer…a warning for you because this entire post is going to be littered with the word shit. I can’t and won’t do the post trying to avoid using that word. It is the word Father and I use…so there ya go. Now, ya know.

Father, Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit, and I are NOT legalistic and religious. We are not limited by man’s perception of a word. We are not offended by nouns, verbs, adverbs, adjectives, and objects of prepositions. If you are…that is your shit to clean up. If you choose to sit in it, that is a right you have and can exercise. We are not limited by your shit. Your triggers…get to be your limitations…not ours.

This is about having and exercising healthy boundaries. I have them and I exercise them. 😍

Themes

Here is another admin…I know I have said this before. Just call me repeat. Going to repeat myself again. Father often speaks in themes. How I have worked with Him over the years is usually one issue at a time.

For example…I was a pathological liar. When He revealed that to me…I began to work on that shit…to clean the mess up. I dumped it. When I had built the muscles up of truth by exercising the truth…I mastered integrity…honesty…then I moved on to the next issue. You can say it this way…my lying was a nasty, smelly pile of my shit…I had to clean up. I made the mess…it was my responsibility to own it and clean it up. It was my toxicity…He exposed to me. I took it through the sewage treatment plant. Filtered it through the Truth of Jesus Christ. Detoxed my soul and spirit. Cleaned it up. Purged it. Put it through the fire. See?

In a previous post, I talked about the sewage treatment plant. About the smell of it. It has been a constant convo between Father and I the last week or so. All about shit. 💩😂 He amuses me greatly.

The theme we are currently on…is shit. So, this post is about…shit. See?

I have to suck all the truth out of this topic before He lets me move on. This is how I have lived my life for over 30 years now. 🤷‍♀️

Self-Destructive

Here is another theme I have mentioned on repeat in this blog. Father once told me I had a self-destructive mindset. He wanted to clean up that pile of shit.

I have been working on that for over three decades. The last decade…INTENSELY!

One of the side effects of that major clean-up…has been this really incredible rock-hard foundation on who Christ is. Man…He is the bomb dot com if you ask me. He is perfection. As I have been cleaning up my own view of self in comparison to Him, it has cleared up my sight of Him. Always, I was compared to Him.

I am a liar. He is the truth.

I am unclean. He is clean.

I am impure. He is pure.

See how that works?

Take over 30 years of that…and what happened was a solidification in my mind of this…I am bad…He is good. Crystal is nothing without Christ. The ONLY good in me is Him.

The only time I looked at me…was to clean up my shit.

My value without Christ…is negative. As is all mankind. I am Crystal Clear on that truth. No changing my mind on that.

Another Repeat

Here is another example I have used on repeat on this blog. I am going to share it AGAIN…because it is paramount to this story. Crazy good.

One TINY piece of that self-destructive mindset was this one lie. I believed…with every fiber of my being…I was a worthless piece of shit.

When I offered that up to Father…He replied with this. Shit is NOT worthless. I CREATED it with purpose.

I knew in my mind…if shit is not worthless and it has purpose…then it has value and worth. Since I am logically greater than shit…I also have purpose, value, and worth. Also…my purpose, value, and worth is greater than those of shit. Totally logical to my little pea brain. See?

After I got this truth in my head and heart…I no longer believed I was worthless. A worthless piece of shit. Had no value. Had no worth. Knocked out several issues with one truth. The dominos fell inside. Greatness.

Put a pin in this concept…we are going to come back around to this former mindset I had. SO FLIPPING COOL!!!!!!

Christianity

Ok…so I have spent over 30 years with my head down working my little fanny off trying to clean this shitty mess up inside of me. Humbly focusing on my issues while the world spins around me. Been a hard work.

Then over the last year and a half or two maybe, Father started having me study Christianity at a deeper level. Been studying that religion my entire life, but pretty intently the last couple of years. Once I left Christianity, I had kind of forgotten the religion. Stayed in my cave and did my work. Then He starts having me watch YouTube videos of the kingdom people as I call them.

You can look back on my blog and see posts about this study as I went through it. You will see how I was working through some of my issues with Christianity…especially the liberal end of the N.A.R…the charismatic chaos that ensues.

Perversion

In that division of the Christian Religious System, you will find a vast amount of people falsely calling themselves apostles and prophets. We are in a time where Father is pouring out His Spirit on the flesh of man. Man’s sons and daughters are having dreams and hearing prophecy…about me. My story. They are perverting what they are seeing and hearing by putting their fleshly spin on it…misinterpreting what He is saying. They are lying to themselves and to the people.

These false prophets and apostles are telling the people the story is about themselves…and about others. My promises…the promises Father has given me…they are selling to the masses as if they all have done my work and get my rewards. It is identity theft on a massive scale. The foolish virgins who lack the intimacy with Father to know the truth of what He is saying. All implemented by the enemy.

Constant Question

A constant question I have had during this time is this. How can all these people elevate themselves so highly to say they are me…and have my position? We have oodles of people claiming to be an Esther. Jenny Donnelly and Lou Engle, as I have shared in the past, are trying to get a MILLION Esthers to come to D.C. in October to gather at the National Mall. How can it be that a million women could think SO HIGHLY of themselves when I have spent over thirty years DROWNING in an ocean of shit about my own view of self? I have FOUGHT for my life…to get my head above the shit to see that I have any value and worth at all.

It has completely baffled me in exponential ways to see all these women online calling themselves Queen Esther.

That alone has baffled me. When Father first told me who He created me to be…I didn’t believe Him. I thought I had lost my mind. Thought I HAD to be hearing from demons. COULD NOT BELIEVE IT.

Yet…these women READILY and EAGERLY take my position and title???? Super easy for them.

I have worked YEARS to clean up my self-destructive mindset to get to the place where I can believe what Father says about me.

How do they think so highly of themselves?

WHAT??? 🤯🤯🤯 What is happening here???

Untreated Sewage

Add on top of my complete confusion over this…the fact what they are offering the people…is shit.

Christianity has it right that Jesus is the Messiah. We are in agreement there. I can agree with them on the truth. SO much though of what Christianity teaches is spreading around untreated manure. Sewage.

To teach people lies…is shit. Sewage.

Making promises to people that you CAN’T fulfill, and Father won’t be fulfilling for them…is wrong. Shame on them. They need to stop speaking as if they are His messenger.

To elevate yourself and others to positions Father did not elevate you to…is shit. Sewage.

If you call yourself a “pastor” in Christ’s name, then buddy…you better be shepherding the flock BY the truth of Christ. That means being accountable to Christ yourself first…then holding the people accountable to the truth secondly. If you are avoiding conflict in yourself and with others…DO NOT call yourself a pastor in Christ’s name. You are merely an actor acting. A liar. Stop fleecing your flock.

To sell Christ as if He is a product…is shit. Sewage.

Charging people money to pray with them…and promising them freedom while you are sleeping around, watching porn, overeating, getting drunk, spending lavishly on yourself, ignoring those who are less fortunate than you, etc…you have gotten your rewards. Enjoy your money while it lasts cuz that is all you are going to get buddy. People’s money and the people’s praises.

To use Christ for your own financial gain and for the praises of man…is REPREHENSIBLE behavior.

Kentucky

I think I have shared this story before somewhere on this blog. It is important, so I will repeat myself AGAIN. 😂

I remember so clearly the moment He first told me about my purpose. Will never forget that day.

My life was SHIT. Father told me to attend a leadership conference at a megachurch in Kentucky. This was shortly after 9/11. I had zero desire to attend a leadership conference as I did not see myself as a leader. The reason I went to the conference…besides the fact He told me to go…was I desperately needed a break.

My husband at the time was at home recovering from an accident where he nearly killed himself. When the police found his rolled-over vehicle in the field with a cold engine, he was transported to the hospital. I arrived at around 4 in the morning just in time for the police to place him under arrest for DUI before he was transported to a trauma center.

This ole gal doesn’t have the words to express how fed up I was with this shitty marriage and shitty situation. I wanted a divorce, and Father would not let me divorce my husband at the time. Later…He did…when I discovered he gave me an STD from the affair he was currently having.

Father wanted me to stay…because He wanted to teach me a gazillion lessons while being married to a man I considered my enemy. A man who constantly caused me untold pain.

More

But wait…there is more.

During this time, a woman I dearly loved was dying of cancer. Father and I had been discussing her health since her diagnosis. He was clear with me…He was not going to heal her. I was carrying the weight of her impending death and trying to process the stress of it.

In addition to this, I believe this was also the time my beloved grandpa was diagnosed with cancer.

In addition to this, I have three children that I am a homeschooling. Just coming off of weaning my youngest from breastfeeding.

I was living inside a tornado. Debris flying everywhere…all around me. Chaos and confusion. Destruction and devastation.

When He shared my purpose with me at the leadership conference in Kentucky, I literally laughed out loud at Him. Absolutely incredulous was my thought.

I said to Him in utter disbelief…Have you SEEN my life?

I thought He had lost His mind. King of Crazy.

I was drowning in shit. See?

Disagreement

From that day forward…I had been in a disagreement with Father. He was Crystal Clear with me…I would be sharing my life…my heart with the masses.

Now…for starters…I prefer introversion. I am perfectly content staying at home…alone…not interacting with people out in the world. Love my alone time.

I prefer to be private. Keep my life private…NOT share it with the public…certainly NOT with the MASSES. See some issues there in conjunction with this blog???? Cuz I do.

He told me oodles of years ago, I would be writing an autobiography.

WOW!!!! NOT happy about that. Many arguments followed. Years of them. Me arguing. Him standing.

My issues…didn’t want to share my past.

One…didn’t want to live through it the first time.

Two…then He makes me go back over and live through it a second time to clean it up by filtering it through Christ’s eyes.

Ok…so now it is healed…so I most certainly don’t want to walk back through those experiences a third time to tell them to the masses. That is living through…walking through my shit three times. See the repeating theme??

Put a pin in that. We will come back to this later.

Response

Back to this constant question I have struggled to get an answer to since I discovered we have a million women elevating themselves to my position.

How in blue blazes do they think so highly of themselves????

He finally answers me…by reminding me of truths I already knew and combining them with a picture I had not seen before. BLEW my entire circuit panel. 🤯

I saw a vision. It was a boundary line. It was right at the edge of the Earth where the sky transitions into outer space. Instantly, I knew what He was saying.

I am going to include some photos of another illustration that is super helpful in understanding this concept. At least it helped me.

Trapped

Mankind is trapped…inside their minds. Enslaved to their own narrative. The kingdom they have built for themselves.

When mankind says the sky is the limit…they think that is a positive thing.

In reality, that is negative.

My mindset is radically different than mankind’s because I see differently. I have said on repeat…I HATE limitations. Every single limit mankind places on me…I hate. I want zero limitations. This is in part why I hated my first marriage. I was unequally yoked to a man. That marriage held me down. Held me back.

I don’t want the sky of this world to be my limit. I am a visionary thinker. No limits are my vision. I think eternally…beyond the limits of time. I think Father…who is supernatural and has no limits.

Mankind builds their own kingdoms in their little bubbles. Much like the snow globe illustration. The kits below are a perfect example. You build your own kingdom and appoint yourself as king or queen. NOW…you are limited ONLY to what you as a mere human can achieve. You are the star of your show. The master of your plan. You place a crown on your head and now you are royalty.

Everything is about you.

No Ceiling

One reason I could never see my value and worth is because it is too vast. It surpasses the boundaries of this physical world. Reaches through the natural realm and into the supernatural realm. It is beyond physical and into the metaphysical.

I can’t define my value and worth…nor can I see it because Father defines my value and worth because it comes through His eyes. He has to give me His eyes for me to see it.

This is why in a previous post; I shared about a struggle I was having with all these women giving themselves crowns.

Father’s response to me was a question. He asked me…where is your crown?

In a sassy tone of voice, I said…well, I don’t know. I am still waiting for you to give it to me.

There ya go…then I knew…they were giving themselves their crowns. While I have been waiting for years for Him to crown me…working my ass off…millions of women are giving themselves crowns and appointing themselves as queens. They have been building their own kingdoms. Building their own castles to rule and reign in.

Meanwhile, I am lowering myself to help Father, Christ, and Holy Spirit build their Kingdom. Their castle.

I made it all about them instead of all about me.

My visionary sight has always shown me NO LIMITATIONS with Him. I see through the worldly veil that separates man from Heaven. I see Christ and with Him NOTHING is impossible.

Permanent

I don’t want to build a temporary kingdom. A temporary castle to live in. What I want to invest in is what is permanent and lasts for eternity.

The sky is not my limit. Father sets the boundaries for what limits me…so there are no limits. Not in Him.

Man builds a life and works for retirement here. I build LIFE here and work for retirement in Heaven. I think and see eternally…not temporarily.

This is how these women are able to so easily elevate themselves. They actually think so poorly of self they put a ceiling on what they can achieve because they are doing it alone. Out of their flesh.

I think so highly of Father…I remove all limits man puts on me.

I see Him. They see themselves. My focus is on Him. Their focus is on themselves.

In elevating themselves here temporarily…they have demoted themselves there eternally.

Sad. Very sad. Pride truly goes BEFORE a fall.

To humble self here…elevates you there.

It is a much better deal long term. The investment is long and hard here but so worth it in the end.

Don’t trap yourself in this world…to this world. Don’t build yourself into a snow globe to be trapped for eternity. It isn’t worth it, my friend.

Unlimited

Let me share some things I have gained in unlimited portions by building His Kingdom in me. Christ in me.

I am unlimited in Christ’s strength within me.

I am unlimited in the rewards Christ will give to me. What is His there is mine…because I gave Him what was mine here.

I am unlimited in authority because His truth lives within me. His truth is what set me free…and what sets the captives free. The truth is the authority over Satan and his lies/deception.

I am unlimited in my value because Christ is invaluable.

I am unlimited in my worth because Christ is worthy. Again…He is unlimited in worth.

See?

To lose me…is to gain Him.

To reject the limits of man is to gain unlimited rewards in Christ…for eternity.

Staying grafted in Him…keeps the flow moving between Him and I. The power never wanes.

Farming

As I have mentioned before, I grew up surrounded by farmers. Both sets of grandparents were farmers as well as aunts and uncles. I was raised in rural Illinois in a farming community. Most of my friends were hard-working Catholic farmers with large families. We are talking 6-14 children in the family. In a family that large living on a farm…hard work is not an option…it is expected. Rightly so.

Being around farming most of my life taught me the value of hard work. I have shoveled horse manure, cleaned out horse stalls, shoveled cow manure, cut weeds out of beans, detasseled corn, fed animals, and drank raw milk right out of a cow while eating cookies completely surrounded by flies. Farming life is not for the weak of physical strength or the strength of mind. It is not an 8 to 5 job. Taking care of animals is 24/7. When farmers are not in the field they are working on equipment. Always something that needs to be done.

A good friend of mine growing up lived on a hog farm. I loved her daddy. He was a jokester who loved to tease me. I will never forget a conversation he and I had when I was a teenager. I told him…I didn’t like the smell of his hogs. WOW…the odor of a hog farm is PUNGENT. I asked him how he could stand to live surrounded by that smell. He smiled that ornery smile and said with a sparkle in his eyes…it smells like money to me. 😂 I knew what he was saying.

Spreading Manure

I once had a friend who owned a mega hog farm…probably still does. I have moved so I am clueless as to what life back home is like anymore. His business mind fascinated me. Greatly. Since he had these large ponds of hog shit…he pumped it out and sprayed the manure on farms.

Farmers fertilize their fields with manure. Spreading the manure on the fields. I have done that myself over the years by shoveling truckloads of manure over my garden to enrich the soil. Old manure that has had the time to sit and compost is wonderful to put on the garden.

Spreading manure is a valuable practice in the farming world.

It goes along with the saying…one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

To my farming friends…what others consider gross…smells like money to them. It is a way to make a living. Puts food on the table. Allows them to provide for their families financially…but also affords them opportunities to teach their children the value of hard work.

To some…manure is trash and how it came to be is trash. To the farmer…it is money…a treasure that keeps on giving in many areas of life. See?

Farmer

So, the convo of the constant question in conjunction with the idea of my self-destructive mindset…Holy Spirit used to lead me to a new truth about myself. This truth is about my value and worth. More specifically…the value and worth of my shit. It is hysterical how He put this together for me. I find His sense of humor outstanding. Hilarious.

Not only am I NOT a worthless piece of shit…and shit has value and worth. BUT…my shit has value and worth. My shit has purposes too.

I am going to take my shit…the shit of my past that I have been arguing about for oodles of years cuz I don’t want to share it with the masses…and spread it like manure on His fields. He is the Farmer. This world is His land. It contains His fields. My shit has been processed through the sewage treatment plant removing all toxins, bacteria, and parasites through the truth of Jesus Christ. Father will use this to fertilize the people…so they can bear His fruit. His truths. So they can be set free.

Manure Spreader

Christ filters out the impurities and toxins from my shit to make it healthy and valuable. The value is in Him.

Now I have been elevated to the position of manure spreader…spreading my own shit around.

Add that to my job description and job title. 😂 Is that NOT comedy gold? If you are not amused… you are missing something. 🤨

What I have considered trash…aka my past shit…Father considers His treasure. He is saying the Bride of Christ needs it as Her treasure.

Well, there ya go! Now, ya know. How about dem apples? I can’t argue with that kind of logic. I get farming. It makes total sense to this logical mind.

Father’s Direction

It was similar to Donovan’s issue with Dyslexia. One day he was crying. I was crying. The child couldn’t read. No matter how hard we both tried, he couldn’t get it. Through the tears, I said to Donovan…I don’t know how we are going to get through this. I have no idea how you are going to learn to read. What I do know is this…Father wants you to read His word and love to read it. SO you WILL learn to read. He will teach you.

He did. The problem was not Donovan’s “Dyslexia.” The problem was in me. I arrogantly thought he should learn to read through phonics like his older sister had. I failed to go to the one who created and designed him. Once I humbled myself and asked Father how HE created and designed the boy to read…Father opened the door for us. He gave me the blueprints on how to teach Donovan to read. Within a few years, all signs of “Dyslexia” were gone. The boy was reading independently. No more tears. No more struggles for either one of us.

Father gave me direction on how to fix the issue within Donovan’s heart toward Mitchell. He brought Vanessa into our lives, and I shared my heart with her. She adored Mr. Mitchell Man. He is one of the easiest people to love. Sweet, tender-hearted, gentle, kind, considerate, funny, laid back, go with the flow, etc. He is a jewel in my crown…for sure.

Between Vanessa and I…we got the job done.

Mentor

A few years ago, I called Donovan on the phone. I shared my heart with him about Mitchell. I told him…Mitchell loves, adores, and respects you greatly. He values every word you say. Watches how you live and wants to be like you. He needs a mentor. Can you mentor your brother? Can you teach him how to be a man? You have learned from your mistakes, and you have grown much. Will you invest in Mitchell for me?

He agreed he could do that. Donovan saw the value in Mitchell. Saw the value within himself and how he could impart that value to his brother…adding value to Mitchell.

The pictures below came during this time of the shit theme Father has me on. Crazy funny!

Mitchell’s new house had been empty for several years before he bought it. It was a major overhaul flip project for the previous owner. While it sat empty, the shit in the pipes hardened. There was only a small tube for the toilet water to get through. As a result, it backed up.

Mitchell not only had backup issues, but when he got under the house, he found two leaks in the plumbing. Mitchell had no experience with plumbing, but Donovan has done a lot in his young life. When Donovan got home from work, he and Mitchell tackled the poop log as the pictures below show.

They got to bed around midnight after several trips to the plumbing store. It was a messy job, but Donovan enjoyed teaching Mitchell valuable skills to carry with him the rest of his life.

Filtered

The shit Donovan was carrying in his heart and mind toward Mitchell…was filtered through the sewage treatment plant of Jesus Christ. Donovan got rid of all the toxins stored up within. All the bad bacteria. The parasites. Death. What He gained was life…and love.

Their relationship went from a toxic one (because of Donovan) to a healthy one. They are really GOOD friends and have been for several years now.

I can’t tell you how proud I am of these two men. The work they have done in their souls and spirits is immeasurable in value and worth. It is Christ in them. We turned on the lights to get them out of the darkness.

We moved from arrogance and pride to a humble gentler heart. Donovan is still as ornery as he was…his personality hasn’t changed in the ornery places…but he loves his brother now.

It fills this Momma’s heart with joy, and I swell with pride to see what we have built. The labor was rough…but we gave birth to life. To love. To light. Christ.

Limitations

This discussion has brought me around to answer another question I have recently posted about. That is the question…to charge or to not charge.

My convictions have always been…Christ is not for sale. I can’t charge to set the captives free. I can’t charge people a fee to pray with them and speak truth to them. It feels immoral to me. Morality is important to me.

I came to two conclusions. Not only is Christ not for sale. Christ in Crystal is not for sale. I am not for sale. My value and worth are far too great to put a price tag on them. My value and worth come from Christ so if I can’t sell Him…then I can’t sell me either. It is logic. Mathematical.

Therefore, I will have to rely on Christ for my provisions…like I have done for so long already now.

Another Conclusion

The other conclusion I came to was regarding limitations. I hate them as I have said. I have always hated limitations. They irritate my soul and spirit.

Not only do I NOT want limitations placed upon me…I don’t want to place them on others. I don’t want people building their own kingdoms and placing ceilings on their heads. I want people to have the opportunity to soar with Christ. Be who Father created them to be.

If I follow the logic and my own convictions…then I can’t charge people for what I do. If I charge even $5, that might limit the homeless man/woman who doesn’t have the money to pay me for the truth. It limits their ability to get set free from the addictions they are enslaved to. That is unacceptable to me. I want every single person no matter who they are to get the opportunity for freedom…body, soul, and spirit.

I have to be consistent with my beliefs in every area of my life. In every way I live my life. If I don’t want man to limit me…then I can’t/shouldn’t limit man.

To set limits on who gets the truth…is not freedom. It is immoral in my book.

Answers

There ya go. I am getting answers to questions that have been gnawing at my soul.

Come here to get some fertilizer if you need it. I guess I will be sharing plenty of shit in future days. Hoping it makes the seeds grow. 😂

Also hoping to blow the roof all the little snow globes mankind has built for themselves. Let’s break those silly glass ceilings you have all built for yourselves. Don’t let the sky be your limit. Let’s be limitless together in Heaven. No limits there. Sounds like a dream come true to me. Want to join me on the endeavor?

This little teapot has been poured out and is now completely empty. Going to sign off for the evening. Took several days to formulate this post. All day to write it. Going to sit and watch the squirrels play. Have a MARVY DAY! Planning on it myself.

👋🥰