Surprises

We titled this post Surprises because that is a topic of conversation Father and I have been having lately. The photos I am using in this post are a combo of two “surprise” birthday parties my kids put together for me. One for my 49th, the other my 50th. The photos prior to my dinner party are of activities during the day each year.

It is interesting because I am rarely surprised by anything. For years, Father has always warned me of impending doom coming my way…and tells me when something good is going to happen. To actually be stunned by something happening in this natural world…can’t remember a time that occurred for me. The intimacy I have with Father plus my natural intuition, keeps true surprises to the status of RARITY. Extremely rare.

I actually like it that way. My preference is to always know. Intimacy is my passion; therefore I don’t want to be left out of the convo.

Obedience

Years ago, I said to Father…I don’t have to be the decision maker here…however, I don’t want to be left out of the conversation about my life.

Let me just say this. After seven years in prison, five of those in Hell…I have changed my mind. I want to be the decision maker. Needed to document this for Him.

In my mind, I knew Father already had a predetermined plan for my life. I had no problem obeying said plan, however I wanted to know the plan. Always…in advance. The default setting was…He needed to show me His plans for my day…each day…or the night before. In order to go with the flow…I needed to know. Holy Spirit has been my guide moment by moment. I finish one task, and He has me ready for the next one. Flows fairly well…even when the log jams happen. If I get a log jam in my mind, that is my next task…remove the log jam so I can proceed. Easy road map to follow here.

I have the big picture…and the tiny little details that work their way through my life story as we go.

I realize I gave my life to Him over 30 years ago. However, my take on the matter has been…I am still involved in this story, so I want to attend every meeting regarding me. That means daily meetings about every single thing that concerns me. No withholding from me…about me. 🤷‍♀️

Starting Over

I am starting this post over here. I started this post sometime after midnight yesterday morning on the 30th of September. In my mind, I would write the post throughout the day yesterday…botta bing…botta boom…done. No problem. 😉

Problem. 😳

I had an issue pop up I had to deal with. A BIG heart issue. It was rough…not going to lie. Yesterday was a heavy day for me emotionally. Tears, grief, sadness, and death to my flesh.

In the rest of this post, I am going to try and share what I have been processing over the last 48-72 hours. Let me just interject this here. I see clearly…one reason…I moved in with Bobbilicious during this time. I could not have made it through this processing without that wonderful woman. She has been right beside me seeking Father with me to get answers to questions I had. Words can’t express my appreciation for her. Needed to say that.

Baffled

Let me share this here. It is one piece of this puzzle. One issue I have consistently struggled with since I started intensely studying the Christian Religious System a couple of years ago…more specifically is the NAR/charismatic side of the system. The liberals in that system. Those who falsely profess to be prophets and apostles. This has been an issue I have been working through as I have shared on this blog along the way.

I am always baffled by the ignorance and arrogance within the people. It has been hard work trying to understand where they think they get their qualifications from to be appointed to the role of anything in Father’s Kingdom. Pastor? Teacher? Evangelist? Any of those three, but ESPECIALLY the roles of prophet and apostle???

Here is a firm truth in Father’s Kingdom. To be appointed and anointed to the role of a leader in Christ’s Kingdom, you must be a follower of Christ. You must first take up His cross and follow Him. That means die to your flesh by laying down your life. THEN and only THEN can you be elevated by Him. It is about order here.

I don’t see that playing out in Christianity today. Maybe a few missionaries in third-world countries have taken up the cross, but I question even their motives at this point in the game. It is always all about the heart. 🤷‍♀️

On that basic level, I am baffled by what I see. BUT…WAIT THERE IS MORE. More bafflement. 😳🤔🤨

Esther

I have mentioned it before. Feel led to share this part of my heart again. It pertains to my journey today.

The EstherMeTooMovement as I call it. Everybody wants to be Queen Esther. Even some of the men are calling themselves Esther. They all have the Esther anointing. All of them are going to have fame and fortune. Father is going to swoop down and crown them queen. Make them rich. They are going to move into the Promised Land. They are all going to have some Prince Charming…their “kingdom spouse” come in and marry them suddenly. These Esthers are going to be highly honored by the masses…saving the world…bringing many souls to Christ.

The women are busy getting their beauty treatments done. Hair, nails, new makeup, clothes, etc. All shallow physical appearance stuff. They all claim they are in this incredibly intimate relationship with Father. He has chosen them. Every single one of them IS the chosen ONE.

Baffles me how desperate these prostitutes are for attention, recognition, honor, praise, and worship. They are all about being elevated in front of the masses.

Me

Ok…so here I am…little ole me. Would be a recluse living in the woods for the rest of my life perfectly content and happy being alone with Father. Peace. Quiet. Serenity. Give me enough money to live my life…and leave me alone. Let me mind my own business and my life would be wonderful. Don’t need a pedestal. Don’t need the attention. Perfectly fine being hidden in my little cave.

Still baffled about the fact I AM the chosen one for this job. Daily…daily for YEARS I have struggled with the idea of me being who He says I am. Battled Father on repeat…because I didn’t want to die to my flesh and submit to the job itself. Then you add the YEARS of hard labor camp training, and it is a HELL to the NO for me.

Repeatedly told Him to get someone else for this job.

The difference between these Esther wannabes and me…night and day.

I am actually walking this journey out in real time…and I haven’t enjoyed it. NOT been pleasurable at all.

They claim the crown and position…happily so. Super excited and bubbling out with how important they are.

I have been trying to keep my head above water just to stay alive. Meanwhile, they are busy primping in front of the camera lens to get all the attention and money they can get. Fleecing the flock. Stealing from the people. Stealing my identity. Identity theft by the enemy on a MASSIVE scale. Thousands up to a million…claiming to be one…me.

Thankful

A few days ago, I was telling Vanessa something. After studying Christianity like Father had me do, I am super thankful I haven’t followed the ways of man. Christianity should be eradicated from the face of the Earth. It is an embarrassment.

Watching the social media “prophets” make their riches (along with accumulating the praises of man) with each video sharing my story as if it is their story…and the other Esther MeToo’s stories…fills my heart with extreme gratitude I am not like the masses. Super thankful Father set me apart. Grateful I chose to submit and follow.

These people are foolish. Men and women waiting on a ship that won’t ever come in for them. Believing in some fairy tale/fantasy that isn’t true for them. NOT their story. NOT truths being distributed for them.

Meanwhile, I am struggling with my own stuff trying to get ready to lead…and being horrified for them at the same time. 🤦‍♀️ The weight of it all. *sigh*

SUPER thankful I am not desperate for attention. Thankful I don’t jump on bandwagons. Thankful I count the costs.

Belief

One struggle through this of MANY is simply believing He chose me for this. Parts of the storyline made perfect sense to me. Many things line up logically in my life. Other things seemed way too out there for my little pea brain to comprehend.

My own struggle with belief…about me being elevated has had me baffled how thousands could so easily jump on the bandwagon…readily accepting they could be so important to humanity.

Who WANTS that kind of responsibility weighing them down 24/7??? Not me. 🤨 My girls say on repeat, I wouldn’t want your job. They voluntarily say this. I am not asking if they want it. They see the prices I have paid, and it is a NO go for them.

This fairy tale/fantasy world I have been trapped in the last seven years has been difficult to believe. However, now I believe it. How bout dem apples?

Only took seven years to believe it was a true story. 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I am finally convinced.

Getting There

Let me share a bit of how I got to the place of belief in the last few days. This is just a small piece of a larger puzzle.

Late evening on September 29th…into the early morning hours on the 30th…Bobbilicious and I were seeking Father for answers to questions I had about this saga/story. I was starting to believe…but still unsure. Needed more truth.

Bobbi and I asked Father the question…how is this going to play out in the natural realm? He replied to me…if I tell you…that will ruin the surprise.

Ok…I get that. Not really into surprises, but I can see that Father wants to do some kind of surprise for me. I can respect that and honor His plan.

He also told me…you won’t know what hit you. 😳😯

It caused me a smidgen of anxiety. Why? Because I wasn’t sure if I would like the surprise. I told Him this.

His response…you will love it. Then He reminded me of a parallel situation.

Skydiving

I have shared this story on the blog somewhere before. Going to share it again. A shortened version. It is pertinent here.

While touring the West in 2020, Father asked me…do you trust me with your life.

My response…of course I do. Is it not obvious after all I have already done for you?

The question was for me to think about…not because He didn’t know the answer.

Fast forward a bit…Father told me He wanted me to go skydiving. Something I had said on repeat I would never do. 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Never say never with Father. He will prove you wrong.

When I was thinking about how I felt about jumping out of a plane, the only concern I had was the landing. I said to Father…not afraid of dying…because I have already seen my death. It isn’t from jumping out of a plane. However, I am slightly concerned with breaking my leg on the landing.

Instantly, I saw a vision. I was landing after my jump. When I landed safely, I was jumping up and down with joy…then hugging my instructor. I knew Father was saying I would land safely. Also…I would love skydiving and my instructor. Each of those things came true.

This was His example…I will love my surprise…much like skydiving.

Trust

On my third skydive jump, my instructor Sammy was talking to me about trust as we were climbing to our jump altitude. On this jump, Sammy had a student who was doing a solo jump at 14,000ft. We then jumped at 13,000ft.

While Sammy was sharing his thoughts on trust, I knew Father was talking to me. This fit in with the theme we had been discussing about did I trust Him with my life.

After looking back with Father at this example, He reminded me of another situation in my past. It was an important piece too.

When I moved to the Evansville area, I decided to purchase a mobile home. I had cashed out a mutual fund I had been saving to use for college expenses. It was only worth $13,000 at the time. With that money, I could buy the home and have it brought to a nice, clean, and safe mobile home park.

When processing this decision, I had opposition. Of course, I always have. Once I spent the money, it was gone. My thoughts were…at least I would “own” a home in a safe neighborhood the kids could grow up in. Something a single mom could afford easier than a stick-built home. Father had called me to still be a stay-at-home, homeschooling mother even though I was single.

I chose to trust Him to guide me rightly. I decided…if I was going to make a mistake…then I would err on the side of trusting Him too much rather than not trusting Him enough.

It was the right decision.

Unacceptable

Early on the morning of the 30th, He reminded me of one other example in my life. My thyroid.

When I moved to Evansville after my first divorce, I ended up in the heart hospital in a thyroid storm. This is how I learned I had an autoimmune thyroid disease called Hashimoto’s. The doctor told me I would have to take medication the rest of my life. I couldn’t live without the meds. Without hesitation, these words came flying out of my mouth, “That is unacceptable.”

Long story short, after going through quite a few doctors…I finally found one who believed as I did. The body was designed to heal itself in the right conditions…excluding certain situations.

Healing

My grandfather drilled that in my head growing up. He always said to me…when I cut myself…my body heals the cut. We were created to heal.

Firing the doctors along the way who didn’t support Father’s plan for my health was a wise decision. I followed Father’s plan. Worked my fanny off restoring health back to my body HIS WAY. Detoxing the bad, eating according to His diet for me, and supplementing as He directed. After 16 years of being on thyroid meds, I have now been off those meds for approximately five or six months.

To man…that is foolish. Also…impossible. This is not the first autoimmune disease He has healed me of along this journey.

Big Heart Issue

After getting some sleep, I woke up thinking I would finish this post. So wrong.

Started to feel heavy. Struggling. Felt like crying. Couldn’t shake it.

Bobbi and I sat down again to ask Father what my problem was…problems were.

I realized…since I had agreed to this whole plan…I was never going to get to live alone. Be alone. It felt like such a loss to me.

I TREASURE my aloneness. My kids know…when the noise gets too much for me…I have to step outside for a bit. I need that quiet time with Father. Today has been one of those days. Six adults and four grandchildren all day in this house. I treasure my time with my family…but the desire to live alone has been a driving force within me.

I was grieving the loss of being alone.

When we asked Him about my grief these are some of the things He responded with. You were born for this. Created for this. Designed for this. Built for this. It is my framework. My structure.

No comfort there so we kept asking for more.

He then went on to remind us of motherhood. A mother’s job is never done. She grows those babies and then raises them. Working 24/7 for 18 years in her household…but it continues on into adulthood in a different measure.

I have a 40-year Wilderness ahead of me with His children. 😳

Years of Work

The work never stops. I don’t go a day now without people needing my assistance. The intensity will only grow as the people come.

Finding my alone time is null and void at this point.

Then Father reminded me of how much I enjoy being with my family. Multiply that by the masses. I would get greater joy.

Ok…starting to feel a bit better by now. Still struggling with the loss of being alone.

He then said to me…Your life is the sacrifice. YOU are the sacrifice.

He asked…can you sacrifice your intimacy…to bring them intimacy?

I understood then. Lots of conversations from our past came back to me. All these people who are hooking up from one prostitute to another…are lonely. Desperate for intimacy. True intimacy. The people NEED…desperately…what I have. Only I can give the people what they need.

What I value the most…is what I must sacrifice. My greatest treasure…I must give away to the people. It is what they need.

Hidden

I am giving away so many treasures in this new era. Another one is my anonymity. I will no longer be hidden from view. The lifestyle change will be radical for me. I have always been rejected and hidden.

Making an introvert center stage seems like a bad idea to me…but I am going with the flow of His plan. I know logically this is what is best for everyone…myself included. It will bring me great joy, I am sure.

I have a thing I tell my grandkids when they start whining after their parents tell them no about something. You are allowed to cry/whine/be upset for a short period of time…but then you need to accept the no and be content. Teaching our children to accept no is a beautiful concept.

Spilled Milk

This is how I have lived my life for years. My grandpa taught me at a young age…don’t cry over spilled milk.

One Sunday years ago, I accidentally dropped a container my great aunt had bought me for my wedding. It was full of dinner I had prepared. I was putting it in the refrigerator until I was ready to throw it in the oven later. The dish shattered all over the floor. Made a huge mess.

I just stood there in shock staring at the mess. I was thinking about how that was the only thing of my great aunt I had left. It was gone for good. I was on the edge of tears.

My grandpa was sitting there watching this whole thing play out in front of him. He saw my state of mind and said…there is no use crying over it. What is done is done.

He was right. It was merely a dish. I had her memories in my mind and in my heart.

I cleaned up the mess. Let it go. Went back to being my happy content self.

Mankind needs to learn some valuable lessons in life. They need a LIFE coach…not all these people who claim they are life coaches yet elevate humanism instead. That shit is death to man’s soul. If you are calling yourself a life coach and you haven’t laid down your life first and carried the cross of Jesus Christ…you are a liar. You are a death coach instead.

Acceptance

My crying and whining are over. I have grieved the loss fully, I believe. Feeling resolved.

I have come to a place of acceptance today. The pain and the mourning of the past are gone. I am ready to fully lay down my life and sacrifice the treasures I value the most.

I am agreeing to give them away to the masses. For all who want them and need them. To bring love and intimacy to those who desire it. To satisfy the hunger, thirst, and desires of those who are lonely and need the connection.

Our Family

Our family is in complete unison…complete agreement…we need this. We need this fairy tale story to be a true story. To become a true story. We are unified. I am thinking that is Father. 😂

We are all waiting to see what Father’s surprises are. I can’t even imagine. I have seen the outline for years, but to see the impossible become possible is beyond my mind’s ability to process right now.

A bit afraid of my reaction to it all…but I trust Him with my life.

Vision

I am closing with a vision I saw last night. It was one of the prettiest visions I have seen.

It was me. I was behind me watching the back of me. Only in visions. 🤷‍♀️

The sky was midnight to navy blue. I was in the center of the vision with my back to me. Up above and to the left side of me was a spotlight shining down on me. It was at a 45-degree angle…northwest.

The light was a combo of the sun and the moon. The light shining down on me had both silver and gold rays. Silver from the moon. Goldish yellow from the sun. Holy Spirit and Christ.

I was tall and skinny with my arms down at my sides. Then I slowly raised up my arms to the sky pointing upwards. As I raised my arms, my butterfly wings were emerging.

They were glorious in color. All shades of purple. From lavender to deep purple. All shades of blue. From light blue to the midnight blue in the sky. Then around the edges were a splash of fuchsia. The shape and edges of the wings were pure artistry.

I was enthralled with the coloring. Gorgeous.

Father told me…your preparation period is over. Has come to an end. The waiting is over. The promises are coming to pass. To fruition. It was my reaping time. To reap what I have sown.

Signing Off

That started this morning. That story is for another post at a later time. 🥰

After a long day and an emotional last three days…I am signing off tonight. Was determined to get this done after the family left this evening. I made it. Feeling rather pleased with myself right now.

Going to kick back and do absolutely nothing before I fall asleep this evening. Although my son has decided to shut all the big lights off to show off his new little lighting. To set the mood, he has turned the jazz music on. We have a saxophone player playing in our airwaves. 😂

Believing miracles are coming my way. ❤️