A note on the featured image…it is a picture of my daughter Bobbi’s eye. I love this picture with the reflection of my studio umbrella in it. We are using this picture because it is an eye. He is the all-seeing eye…who sees things I can’t see. How fitting this is today!
My Day
I have had a crazy day…yet a wonderful day…and it isn’t over yet. Going to spend the evening hanging out with my daughter. Woohoo!
My kids are leaving Colorado as I type and heading to their new property in Michigan. Excited about the day I can drive up there and check out their home and property.
I planned on leaving early for the gym this morning to do the pool thing, but I got derailed by a police officer. Crazy!!! While Tonto and I were walking around 6 am, I saw him staking an area out. He left, then came back, and was sitting waiting on me when I came around the corner. He thought I was the suspect he was after. Lol!!! SO funny! 🤣
I stood there and chatted with him for 30 minutes or so. Great discussion. We compared notes on brain cancer and had a lengthy discussion on the plight of society, drug usage, drug trafficking, the borders, kids, and dogs. SUPER nice guy and so smart. I told Officer Macintosh he should teach classes to the community. My life is crazy! I can’t make this stuff up.
On to Swimming
Father woke me up at 3 am this morning by singing the song Lean on Me by Bill Withers. I knew He was referring to the three issues related to swimming.
I had said to Him…tell me what I need to do in order to get healing from the fear of drowning. Set me free from this fear and heal me where I need healing.
When He started to sing the song…I saw myself attempting to tread water yesterday. A quick fail.
So, I say to Him…I can’t tread water alone. I will sink and drown. (Now…I KNOW logically I can tread water alone, millions of people do it. Right? I am not an idiot.)
His response to me was this…I didn’t create you to tread water alone. He then reminded me…it is always safer to swim with a partner.
Ok…I SEE where you are going with this here. Then I heard Him say very clearly…dependency on a man.
Dependency
He knows that triggers me. He pokes me there on purpose so I will deal with each layer regarding reliance on a man.
I go there…my experience with men has been very negative. This time I say to Him…you know…I don’t like relying on a man because they always want me dead. They want to kill me. Some want to kill my physical body, but typically they want to kill my heart. They get great pleasure in bringing death to my heart.
You see I want to obey Father…but the men in my past wanted me to obey them and NOT obey Father. That is death, see? My heart is to obey Him…not a mere mortal man. The men I have had experiences with…are selfish. They want to lead out of their flesh. It is NOT even on their radar to die for their bride…they don’t want to die at all. They want to live their best life for themselves.
I am not interested in joining them on that journey. Daily, I die to my flesh for Father, and I haven’t found a man yet who wants to join me on that journey. I haven’t found a man that can handle that kind of pain…instead, they want to bring ME pain…so they don’t have to deal with their own pain. Weak. Selfish. Cowardly.
He knows this…knows my heart about this topic.
Healing
Now I am getting ready to walk Tonto so I can go to the gym. A couple of hours later, as I am finally getting my gym bag ready…I noticed a difference when I thought about swimming. I felt like my heart had been healed somehow. The burden was lighter. The fear was gone. I actually felt a bit giddy about getting in the pool. No way that is me.
I sit down to think through the idea of getting in the pool…getting my face in the water. Nothing. No emotion whatsoever. It felt peaceful to me. WOW…what happened?
I think about treading water…the first thought that popped up in my mind was…I don’t need to right now. CAN I tread water? Yes…and when I need to tread…I will have someone there with me, so I won’t be treading water alone. Stunned! Completely peaceful in every possible way.
I am thinking to myself…did I get healed? I think the fear of drowning is totally gone. How did that happen???
Gotta test it out now. I was pretty excited about getting in the water to see what emotions popped up.
Giddy! No fear.
I have never been that relaxed in the water in my life. I swam my laps…tension free. It was the first time I have ever gotten to enjoy swimming. I didn’t even attempt to tread water as I knew I am not supposed to do that alone. Instead, I get the freedom to just swim. I even floated facedown to test my reaction to having my face in the water. All good.
Crazy Good!
Mind blown!!! Blew all my circuit breakers…the whole panel… short-circuited. How did that happen?? 😳
After I showered, I ran. While running, I tried to discern how I got healed when I really didn’t do the work to get there. Our conversation this morning wasn’t powerful enough to bring about that kind of change in my heart and mind. I have been doing inner healing for over 20 years now…I know how that works. The change came another way.
The images I got on the treadmill reminded me of some truths I have taught my children for years.
In a healthy marriage…the two are supposed to complete one another. Where the wife is weak…the husband is strong. Where the husband is weak…the wife is strong. Father designed marriage to be this way so when the two come together…they interlock perfectly. Like two puzzle pieces coming together and making a perfect fit. They are stronger TOGETHER than when they are apart. A bond that is STRONG and healthy. Inseparable. The two together make a very strong bond that lasts for eternity.
It is a picture of Christ and His Bride. She is weak without His strength. She needs Him to comfort her and support her in areas where she is weak…so she can be strong. She taps into His strength when she is weak. He gives her…His strength to utilize. She leans on Him. It is a beautiful partnership.
Pretty cool picture I thought.
I still don’t understand how the healing took place yet, but I am rejoicing in the fact the fear of drowning is now gone. I believe it was Christ who healed me. How cool is that??? What a fantastic day! 🥰