As I have said on repeat, it is rare I am not listening to a playlist of music in my ears daily. It is how I roll. Sometimes the playlist is one song on repeat. Today, the song on repeat is Torches by X Ambassadors. Sam singing in that falsetto…INCREDIBLE!! It is like a massage to my heart. I still haven’t figured out why men singing in their falsetto impacts me the way it does. More understanding to come I suppose.
All day, I have been trying to soak up Father’s truth through this song…and what He is saying to me through the lyrics and the music. It feels like He wrote the song for me. It ties in with so much of what He has said to me over the years.
Love of Fire
I can’t remember a time when I didn’t love fire. Somewhere on this blog, I mentioned I was seriously worried I had created an arsonist in my oldest son. If I was outside, the boy was with me. He was my right-hand man on so many levels. Donovan loves to work like I do. Even better when the work is outside in nature. He was always beside me while I was starting fires. I taught him about fire. In the blink of an eye, he was building fires. My love of fires…ignited a love of fire within him.
Donovan and I have spent many hours sitting beside one another watching wood burn. Fast forward, now we sit beside each other watching the wood burning in the fireplace every day. The other morning, he came out of the bedroom at 6 in the morning. When he saw me starting a fire, he chuckled and said…starting a fire this early.
With a smile, I replied…yep.
I can’t help myself. 🤷♀️
Purifying Fire
I remember telling my spiritual brother Jeff many years ago, I want to get closer and closer to Father…so close…that one day…I just step over into Heaven. It has always been an uphill climb. An extremely steep one. A hard one. Difficult. Treacherous. Laborious. Exhausting.
As I have mentioned before, many years ago while talking to a mentor of mine, he once said to me…kiddo…the path you are walking is a very lonely road.
My response…I know Dale…I know.
It is crazy because on one hand…I have felt that aloneness among mankind. Holiness is about being set apart and set apart I have been. It singles you out from the crowd. It is laser like focused on swimming upstream which is exhausting when everyone else is rapidly floating downstream with the worldly current.
On the other hand, I have always known I was never alone. Father, Son, and Spirit were my constant companions. Our conversations never ceased.
What I did not know then…in my quest to step over into Heaven to be with Father 24/7…that extremely steep uphill climb…would require me to be chained in Hell for five years. While I was climbing uphill to get closer to Him…I was becoming lower and lower in ways I didn’t understand. His Kingdom works in what seems like reverse.
The purifying fire is one thing…but living in the fires of Hell…completely different ballgame. I was accustomed to the purification fire…but Hell…no words. Personally, not a fan of either.
The last seven years made me start to question my love and passion for fire. 🤷♀️
King’s Table
Recently I had a conversation with Christ. He invited me to sit at the King’s Table. His.
I was gob smacked. Wasn’t sure it was really happening…finally. It is something I have been waiting years to do.
For over 30 years, I have labored in that purification fire working to remove every little impurity within. He has nitpicked every single lie in my heart and mind. Father has made me take EVERY SINGLE THOUGHT captive. I thought I was going to go mad. I argued and lost. He was right. It was worth it. Out of the ashes, this Phoenix arose.
While at the table, He began to share with me His thoughts of me. WOW…I have been begging to hear His mind and heart about me for oodles of years.
Seven years of famine in Hell combined with the Wilderness…indescribable. I thought I would die in that desert. On repeat, I kept saying…I need a drink of water and food to eat. Over and over again, I didn’t believe I would make it out alive. Turns out…I was right. The old Crystal died there. The new Crystal Ann Laura has emerged. Victorious. Clean. Pure. Beautiful.
I will share here a few words He has spoken to me over the last few days while dining at His table.
He has nicknames for me. Years ago, He shared one of them. His Joy Burst.
He has started to share more. His Little Firecracker. Fire Stick. Stick of Dynamite. Fire Starter. Explosive. Dynamite.
A Little Lovin’
I am feeling a little lovin’…finally. I doubted this time would ever come. For 52 years…I have been like Jacob’s Leah…an unloved woman.
He promised me someday…I would be like Jacob’s Rachel…a loved woman. My time is finally coming. Year 53 was my turning point.
This morning, in one of the visions He gave me…I saw my Promised Land.
WOW…I never thought I would see the day. I have been constantly hoping to see it in the spirit. I always see things in the spirit first before they occur in the natural. If I don’t see it in the spirit…it ain’t happening.
To see it…meant everything to me.
I was standing on a brand-new wooden walkway. It was on top of a dam. On my right was a lake our family likes to frequent. We often take our blankets, food, and soak in the sun while lounging on the dam.
On the other side of the lake…at the end of the pathway…was my Promised Land. It was a glorious sight to behold. One thing I found interesting was this…all around it…was netting. I found that very odd. It was green netting like golf courses use or netting at zoo enclosures.
Garden of Eden
It is my Garden of Eden.
Adam and Eve were intimate with Father in the Garden all those years ago…in the beginning. Then something catastrophic happened, Eve became deceived. She fell into deception. The enemy told her a lie and she bought it. When she did…she ate of the fleshly fruit of disobedience…a work of her flesh. Along came her husband Adam…after the damage was already done.
Adam…was not deceived. He KNEW the truth…the love of his life…his wife…would surely die. It was a promise Father had made them. The consequence…or curse of disobeying His command to NOT eat from that tree…was death. NOT wanting his wife to die alone…and not wanting to live without her…he ate of the fruit to die along with her. She would not die alone. It was the best he could do for her. His best…was to sacrifice his life alongside hers.
Fast forward…the second Adam was born through an earthly woman. This Adam…was sent to repair the damage the first Adam could not. This Adam was Christ…deity. Father who created the problem…is also the solution. He…as deity…lowered Himself to become a man to redeem the mistakes the first Adam could not redeem. Adam and Eve’s disobedience brought death into the world on so many levels…it is hard to comprehend.
It was a ripple effect upon ALL mankind. Dominoes of death…falling.
Christ’s sacrifice…his death…brought mankind redemption. Through Him…we can get back into an intimate relationship with Father…our Creator.
The Second Eve
Then along comes me…Eve number two.
The first Eve gave birth to death. Through her womb…mankind was cursed. Every single time I gave birth to my children…naturally…I thought of her. 🤷♀️
For reasons I am still trying to ascertain, Father chose me to be the Second Eve to redeem the curses the First Eve brought about for mankind.
I was chosen to give birth to LIFE for mankind. In one sense, to give birth to my male child. That…is a LONG STORY…for another time. But also…to give birth to MANY men and women through my spiritual womb.
The First Eve brought death to His children. The Second Eve will bring life to His children.
I know it is an honor and a privilege…one I am indeed grateful for…but it was a hard journey.
Crown of Thorns
I am at a loss for words. Loss for words…has never really been an expression to describe me. In this season…apropos.
For the last several days, I have been reflecting on the journey. It seems fantastical…not real. On one hand, I want to forget the first 52 years. On the other hand, it is too valuable to forget those lessons…despite the hardship that came with them. Flesh of man…vs…His Spirit. Strange…so very strange.
I feel led to share a recent conversation I had with Hannah. It is a powerful summary of many important concepts. They sum up the last 30-plus years of my life.
Elevation
On this blog, I have shared bits and pieces of some of the studies Father led me to regarding the Christian Religious System.
Man…that frustrated me beyond measure in many ways for many reasons. Not a fan of religion to begin with…and then to be forced to sit and stare at it…rough.
As a result of this study, I am getting close to doing a series for my YouTube channel on why Father hates Christianity. It is going to be something to watch. Pretty excited about that one. I have one foot on the gas pedal and one on the brake. Crystal Ann Laura is just waiting for Him to give me the green light to go. My engine is revved up. Ready to Rock and ready to Roll.
One part of our beef with Christianity is the pride/arrogance within…especially in the apostolic side of the system.
So many people who have elevated themselves. Humanism is at the root of the deception. Man elevating man. Self-appointment.
Thousands of women appointing themselves queens. Men appointing themselves kings. Then we have false prophets, apostles, teachers, coaches, evangelists, and pastors. Fakes. Liars. Thieves. Charlatans.
They all want the titles, positions, awards, trophies, fame, fortune, and rewards these titles bring, yet they don’t want to do the work Father requires. Before He will appoint you and anoint you…YOU must die. YOU must be crucified…first.
You must DEMOTE yourself before He will promote you to ANY office in His Kingdom.
The Right Way
To do it rightly, you must do it righteously. His way…not man’s way.
I have been baffled and quite speechless at times by the words that come out of the Christian prostitutes. Lots of free, cheap, and easy men and women in that religion. All selling themselves. It is quite gross to see. They are on every street corner. All over social media. On YouTube in the tens of thousands. Just pick which prophet and/or prophetess you want to follow…there are many.
Deception. Deceit. Lies. Liars. NOT ONE of them is a prophet/prophetess. NOT one. Neither are they an apostle. NOT one.
They have not done His work to EARN those offices in His Kingdom. Righteousness must come first in His book.
Here is an important bit of truth for ya. When Father appoints man to a position with that kind of authority…that human…didn’t see it coming, didn’t ask for it, and doesn’t want it. The requirements that come with that…NO ONE wants. The FLESH always opposes His Spirit.
Christ did not want to be crucified. In the Garden of Gethsemane, He asked…is there any other way? He is our example. Crucifixion is NOT pleasant.
I have said on repeat to Christ through these last seven years…I would RATHER have been Christ crucified. It would have been much quicker. Within hours, He was arrested, tried, convicted, and crucified. SEVEN YEARS…five of those in Hell. No words.
In order to redeem the First Eve’s deception, I had to walk out of deception. I had to be set free from ALL lies and deception contained within my heart and mind. Crystal was stripped…body, soul, and spirit. The process of that stripping…is indescribable. Mankind can’t understand what Father and Satan put me through.
Fruits
Recently, Vanessa and I started a YouTube channel together. Click on the link to check it out. Hoping by the end of the day to have another video uploaded.
Vanessa also started a YouTube channel called Mama Nessa. Her first video is an introduction about herself and her childhood. To check it out…see Raised by a Narcissist.
Before I add our joint video, I want to share a bit of a convo Father and I had the other day. I had yet to watch Vanessa’s video. It was time to sit down and watch it…yet I didn’t want to. To be blunt, I am tired of watching what others are doing…I want to do myself. I wanted the freedom to be the woman He created me to be…meaning begin my teaching career.
It is now time for that…I am free now. I thought I would be quite giddy about that but instead, I am super chill…with an enormous unending well of gratitude.
With Vanessa’s video, Father said to me…she is an extension of you…your body. She is a fruit from your tree. To watch her…is to see the immense amount of work and investment I have put into her. It is watching my work…be multiplied. I birthed a disciple…so she gets to multiply my discipleship. She is my fruits…bearing the fruits of her own work/labor. See?
Fruitful and Multiply
That is His command to us…to be fruitful and multiply. I was fruitful with her…giving birth to life from me…into her. I multiplied me…to a degree. It is the great commission…to go and make disciples. Those two words are the same commands. He just states them a bit differently.
The first command…was in the natural womb. The second command was in the spiritual womb. The latter is greater than the former…but the latter can’t happen without the former. Interdependency between the flesh and spirit…the natural and the supernatural. So many really COOL things in His creation. Love the hidden treasures.
The reign of the Spirit…is greater than the reign of the flesh…the natural man.
When I finished watching Vanessa’s video, I told her…excellent. Nothing there I didn’t already know…but I was super proud of the content. She is truly my disciple. It was exhilarating to see the fruit of my womb. I was in awe. Super proud of her…but also in awe of myself. Vanessa and I…made/make a great team.
I invested. She didn’t waste it.
Beautiful.
Torch
In a recent conversation with Father, He reminded me of something He said to me years ago. No one can go where I am going…because no one has done the work I have done. He was referring to my Garden of Eden…His bedroom. This is my Promised Land…one small part of it.
Unlimited intimacy with the one I love. I never thought this time would get here…yet I see it now. It is just a few steps away. It is finally within reach. I am going. He will take me there.
He has been singing the lyrics from that song to me. I’ll Take You There by The Staple Singers.
Also…the lyrics to Torches…He wants me, as Lady Liberty, to carry my flame. Carry it from a higher place. I am to carry His torch. His fire. Flame. His love. His passion. These are things I have carried for over 30 years. If I hadn’t…I wouldn’t have made it to this place.
I am His torch…His fire starter. A woman who is to light the fires of His love, obedience, and passion in many souls coming forth in the future. To bring life to the dry bones in the valley of death. To make love…out of nothing at all…show His love and compassion in places where it “shouldn’t be” in the minds and hearts of the people.
I will carry my flame…and I will carry it higher…to be a light to all. A City…on a Hill.
Would you like your torch to be lit?
Stick around…I would be honored to light your torch as well.