I feel like this is a weird post, so I titled it as such. It is weird because I have this collage of seemingly unrelated photos to use in this post. 🤔 At this moment, I have no clue where Father is going with this post. I am merely doing what I always do…obeying. Following along wherever He leads me. It is the craziest way to live. Absolutely no control on my part. I just obey. 🤷♀️
I think I am going to start with a snippet of a convo I had with Hannah last night. It is pertinent somehow. While we were working through one of her issues, I was pointing out to her…her flawed thinking about something. Can’t remember the topic. I said to her…you need a total reboot. Think of a computer. It has default settings. It has the ability to reboot. You need a LOT of your default settings changed…from lies…to truths. You need a total reboot. Ask Father…to change the default settings to truth…and do a system reboot in you.
This is how I have lived my life the last 30-plus years. Always asking Father to change the default settings over the years… which makes it SO MUCH EASIER…less painful way to change…SERIOUSLY. Also reboot the hard drive in me. Don’t believe me…try it. He will do it for you. Such a blessing.
I am 100% convinced, I am supposed to buy Hannah all new devices. A Mac laptop, an iPad, and a new iPhone. Not just physical devices in the natural realm…but also a totally new system of living in her internal hard drive both in her soul man and spirit man.
I AM Ready
This morning, as always…Father wakes me up talking. He talks non-stop. For real. These Christians who say He is silent baffle me. They don’t know Him because the truth is…He never shuts up. Even in the “silence” He is still speaking.
One of the things I saw this morning was this vision of people. It was a sea of people. The masses…all facing North. A sea of men and women all standing in unison facing the same direction. I was like a drone flying over the top of them coming from behind them. I was looking at the backs of their heads and then the tops of them as I flew over them.
What was insanely cool was…they were singing…in unison. Complete harmony. MANY voices yet they sounded like one. The voice was that of a woman…many women singing. Like one woman’s voice dubbed over on repeat to sound like many voices in harmony. She/They…the Bride of Christ…was/were singing…I am ready.
WOW!!!!!!!! 🤯🔥 You can’t imagine how I have longed to hear those words. The Bride of Christ is ready for me. For years, He has been preparing me for the Bride…and the Bride for me. Not only is the Bride of Christ ready…this Bride is ready. Christ is ready for us all. We are all ready to go.
🤯🤯🤯⚡️💡🔌🛥️💃🏻🕺☀️😎🤩
Let’s board the boat. Let’s get plugged in. Dance a jig! Turn the LIGHTS on. Hallefreakinglujah!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I might be a tad bit excited at this revelation. A dream come true for me. My time has come!!!!!! Get out of my way!!!!!!!!
There ya go. Now ya know.
Dad
Haven’t a clue what Father is talking about this morning. The pictures that follow are the photos He was showing me. They are related because of timing. These were all taken when Dad was dealing with the cancer that took his life.
There is something Father wants me to see, hear, know, and understand this morning related to this time period and the photos. Hoping as I share, I will gain the understanding I need.
In the background of this photo, you will see Dad’s hospital bed set up in what used to be a room they sold products in at their yearly open house. Next to Dad’s bed was a bed Tammy set up for herself to be near him. I slept in their bed upstairs. At the very end, I used the couch.
In the photos below, you will see our family’s camping trip in Kentucky. My camping excursion was cut a day short when I got the call from Tammy, that Dad had been put in hospice.
I left Kentucky that evening to get back to Indiana…to pack and head to Illinois the next morning. I moved in with Dad and Tammy to help until he passed. Didn’t give them a choice. It was a non-negotiable thing for me. They were fine with it…but I am amused in hindsight…I never bothered to ask. 🤷♀️😜 I might be a bit headstrong in that way.
Thought One
Here are two thoughts I had this morning.
One…I am reminded of a convo I had with my chiropractor recently. LOVE that man. We are both INFJ’s so we get along swimmingly. We get each other.
For some reason, I was sharing with him a truth I learned long ago while caring for the elderly.
To lay a foundation here…while caring for the elderly…I have wiped more asses than I can count. Taken many elderly to the bathroom, cleaned them up, changed their adult diapers, helped them on and off the toilet, assisted them in washing their hands, etc. Also…fed the elderly their meals. Helped them drink their drinks. Helped them get their clothes on and off.
I have spent hours teaching the elderly how to walk again after an injury. Helped to strengthen those frail muscles after being bedridden for a time. Assisted them in regaining the balance they once had but lost.
During those years, I found it uncanny how…if you live to a ripe old age…you revert back to the beginning of life. The end of life ends much like it began. Dependency on man. Man to feed you. Clothe you. Assist you in getting to the bathroom on time and when you can’t…clean up the mess.
I was sharing this with my chiro. He thanked me for sharing my perspective because he said…I have never thought about that before.
Thought Two
Here is the second thought I had.
I have walked through death with several people I have loved in my life. Just like each life is different…so is each death. Always commonalities, right? But just like each person is a unique individual with a life uniquely lived…each individual handles death uniquely too.
I was once chatting with an elderly woman in the nursing home. She was depressed. Struggling with the concept of adjusting to living there. UNDERSTANDABLY SO! My grandfather said…they are no place to live…and no place to die.
I am thankful we have nursing homes…and hate them at the same time.
This woman was telling me she was useless. She no longer had value since she was trapped in a wheelchair and completely dependent on others to care for her. She had lost her independence and was grieving the loss. The woman felt like her current life was a waste of time. Everyone was better off without her. She wanted to die.
I am not sure I will ever forget her…or that convo. I shared much with her about her current value and worth…even though her situation was not ideal to her. During that convo, I shared with her what her value and worth were to me at that moment. How her physical state…and her state of mind…was being used by Father…to teach me kindness and compassion for her.
Change
I am not sure how much I helped to change her thoughts and feelings…but that conversation changed mine…in positive ways.
It reminds me of a similar convo I had while visiting with my great-uncle. He was a man I dearly loved. While swinging with him on his porch swing, he was ranting about his life…the things he could no longer do. The abilities he had lost. He was angry he wasn’t dead yet. When he was done venting his emotions, he said something. I can’t remember exactly what it was…something about him being a grumpy old man. Something like that.
That was completely out of his character. His nature was fun. He was always cracking jokes, never had an unkind thing to say about people, always positive…so his current state of mind was unlike him. I said to him when he was finished…no…you aren’t the man you are saying you are…what you are…is depressed.
His head kind of jolted back a bit. He thought for a moment…and looked at me while saying…I think you are right. 😂
Sweet moment for the two of us. It led us to a more positive convo. His thoughts changed during that convo.
Dana
Dana is a woman we met when Dad went in for surgery and a hospital stay. She was a dream. Loved this woman.
See that spunky look on her face? 🤩 She was a spitfire. Spunky. Jovial. No nonsense. Super personable. Confident. Sassy. Tough. My kind of woman.
I connected with her right away. She made our situation SO MUCH MORE enjoyable. She hooked us up. Gave us the 411. Love me some valuable info…and the people who are willing to share it.
She is a reminder for me of a saying Dad always said…The good Lord is smiling down on me. Dana made me feel all those warm fuzzy feelings from Father. 🥰
Kindness
Kindness goes a LONG way in life. I have learned over the years to be kind to people. Just be kind. It is something I have tried to live out in daily life no matter where I go or how I feel. I set my own shit aside…to be kind.
What this has taught me…is when I am kind to others…I usually experience kindness in return. Kindness matters to people.
I have OODLES of examples from years of showing kindness to people and how that kindness comes back to me…with interest.
Pain
Vanessa sent me this photo in a text yesterday which led to the convo below it. The picture of me with little Ahnalaya Ann reminds me of the time I spent in Hell.
It reminds me of a convo with my personal trainer. When I went back for a second round of training with him, he said to me…you look sickly.
That was truth. Truth I already knew. The sheer pain of being trapped in Hell took a MAJOR TOLL on me in every possible way. The weight flew off because eating was HARD.
I thought it was interesting Vanessa pointed out how we can’t even remember the pain of it any longer. Father took it away. All of it.
I find that amazing…on so many levels. His power is beyond my current understanding. I WANT to know and understand it though. A dream come true for me.
Selflessness
A concept I value and have tried to practice over the years…is setting myself aside when I am with others.
Despite my years in Hell…in unimaginable pain…while I was present with others…I tried to be kind, considerate, and loving. Putting their needs above my own.
It was a hard work at times…but I was determined…and I persevered. I was building muscles within…trying to find joy and servitude through the constant and chronic pain.
Although I would never do it again…I see the value in what I experienced, and I appreciate what I have built.
Beast Mode
Over the years, I have been in and out of the gyms of this world. Worked with many personal trainers, set up programs myself, and attended a huge variety of physical fitness classes over those years. Through this…I have added a lot of tools in my tool belt regarding fitness. Lots of valuable info.
Having been left-brain dominant most of my life, I am a data-gathering junkie. Always taking in data being poured out around me. Mental stimulation is valuable to me.
While in the gym, I made many observations that have stuck with me and helped formulate conclusions for me. One is regarding this beast mode concept. Men and women who use and abuse physical fitness to puff up their egos…and formulate their own identities and narratives.
What I discovered along the way…they are clueless as to what true beast mode is. What true strength is. Men and women focus on building physical strength in a temporal vessel. A vessel that will deteriorate and pass away. While focusing here…they are completely missing the most valuable strength of all. The eternal strength of Jesus Christ. A gift they don’t see value in.
It is through Him…and His Spirit flowing into our spirit man…and then into our soul…that gives us the ability to lift heavy weights/waits…and bear up under the burdens of life. HE is…and His strength is BEAST MODE.
Don’t have His strength…you are merely a monster in Satan’s beast mode. 🤷♀️
She is always up for a challenge. Love the way she thinks…and lives her life. Always growing. Always changing. Truly…a strong woman.
Building
Over 30 years ago, I chose…and was 100% committed to building strength. A strength greater than fleshly, physical, temporal strength. I chose to build His strength in me. Co-labor to build His Kingdom inside of me. Him…in me.
A choice and commitment I will never regret.
The pain was not in vain.
Not only did I choose to build Him in me…I chose to build Him in my family. Him in my children.
Again…another choice and commitment I will never regret.
I have chosen to uniquely live…and uniquely die. The death of my flesh…was like no other. My crucifixion was unique to the way I have lived. Instead of building my own false identity and narrative…foolishly on the sand…I have chosen to take His true identity and narrative for me by building on the rock…Him. It is a much safer and more secure way to live.
Weird
To say I am weird…is probably an understatement. Many years ago, I grew to love the uniqueness of me. I appreciate He has chosen to set me apart. It makes me feel loved and feel special.
Last night and again this morning, I was saying to Him…I am ready for you to promote me. In doing this, many will be demoted. The foolish virgins who have seated themselves at the seats of honor…will be forced to give up their seats. They will be pushed aside into the seats of dishonor.
To many, that will sound mean and/or hateful. To me, it means justice for me. Honor to me from the one I have been waiting on all these years. It is evidence of His great love for me…to me…and the masses.
I AM Ready for my seat of honor. Ready to take a seat beside the one I love. 💕